Hi
So everytime this guy and I have a misunderstanding no matter how big or little the issue is, I'm always the one to try and make things right first... he tells me to leave him alone but I know him very well and he will 100% expect a text from me when he Switchs his phone on... I've never given him the opportunity to reach out to me first, maybe he will or maybe he won't
But I've decided to go no contact this time... what would his reaction be to see absolutely nothing from me no voice messages, no texts no arguments nothing? How do guys generally react to this kind of thing? It will be incredibly shocking to him because I always say something first... I'm also nervous but what should I expect with regards to his thought process...
He changed his profile pic to a bunch of his friends along with other people so he's definitely going to expect me to argue or apologize but I can't this time I feel like I should take a step back now
Please everyone let me know what to expect the basic stuff of what might be his reaction... like I said I am nervous so please no snide comments I'm just asking for help thank you. 🙈
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Opinion
1Opinion
Good for you! You are 100% doing the right thing. Do not doubt that.
You have taken a huge step here. You're inverting the power-dynamic that both of you "have gotten accustomed to." Both of you know quite well, that you two have a misunderstanding, he tells you to leave him alone, and you 'come crawling back' to apologize. You're damn right he's gonna be shocked.
So regardless of what his thinking ends up being, he will be FORCED to 'take notice': Something is different this time.
Now, how he reacts to that (or what his thinking is likely to be), is going to depend ENTIRELY on the type of guy he is.
A mature, regular guy, would take it how you're hoping he'll take it: As an indicator that you are either finished with this 'always being the one to apologize' bullshit, or that you are taking a stand on this misunderstanding in particular (or both). He would treat it as an indicator that you were more serious. And, depending on how he felt about it... he would reach-out to make an attempt to apologize, or dig-in-his-heels and ALSO not contact you. (it depends if it's a black and white situation where the guy thinks he's right; or if his position is amenable to compromise)
But generally speaking IF HE"S A SOLID, DECENT GUY... what you're doing is likeley to pretty-much have the effect you're hoping it will. His thinking about it, is pretty-much what you're (probably) thinking it would be.
BUT
I have strong doubts that a guy who has a pattern of ending misunderstandings with his girlfriend, by telling her to "leave him alone" is, in fact, a; "solid and decent guy."
The way he's been handling himself makes it clear that he doesn't know how to handle a fight with his partner appropriately. You're dealing with someone who is not handling the friction in his relationship in an appropriate way. At all. He isn't looking to talk about "who is at fault" in a fair, or healthy way. He is deficient when it comes to how he handles and expresses his feelings, when there is a misunderstanding in his intimate relationships.
He is basically throwing a temper-tantrum. Then waiting for you to come apologize and sooth his angry or unpleasant feelings. It's not an appropriate way for an adult to act in their relationships (its not even appropriate for a teenage-couple, to be honest)
Keeping that in mind... it's much more difficult to predict how he'll react or what he'll likely think. I literally know nothing at all about the kind of guy he is. But his reaction may not be the ideal 'normal' reaction most decent guys would have. I'm basing that on his not reacting to your misunderstandings in a normal way. Perhaps he will react normally after all. (I don't know anything about him. He could be a total scumbag, or he could be a great guy... with a pretty serious 'deficiency' in only this one place)
He could potentially react any number of ways depending on the kind of guy he is. It doesn't even do any good to 'speculate' without knowing what kind of guy he is.
But I can tell you one thing: You FOR SURE are doing the right thing. And I really hope you never ever reach-out first to this guy. Stick to this plan. Regardless.
The way he DOES react to this, tells you a whole hell-of-a-lot. It tells you so, so much.
There really is only one 'good' reaction: For this to prompt him to apologize for whatever happened THIS time, but also get you guys talking about this pattern you've slipped into. That's some abusive shit. (depending on what kinds of things you fight about that result in a 'leave me alone'... that could be 'mildly' abusive... all the way to 'extremely abusive')
You shouldn't have to be the one to apologize every time. He should not be telling you to 'leave him alone' as a tactic to emotionally blackmail you.
If you don't get a 'normal' reaction to this. You need to do some serious thinking about the future of that relationship in general.
Good luck, and don't break. There is no reason you ever need to reach-out to him. Not ever. If he doesn't reach out to you (he 99.9% will... eventually) then that MEANS something. One of the things it mean is: This asshole does not deserve to hear from you (first).
Good Luck, and merry Christmas. 🙂
Merry Christmas! Just wow thank you! The best reply I've gotten on this site