Okay, so I met this guy at work. (Massive Employer and teams don’t stay the same) I’m a 30F and he’s a 22M. When I first met him I thought he was cute, super sweet, adorable, good energy. A few weeks in he tells me he’s gay and has a boyfriend so I kinda tuck away my attraction under “Never Happening.” And it was fine. Everything was totally fine.
Until, he ends up breaking things off with his ex. Reason is unknown to me, he’s extremely private and even his best friend at work has no idea what happened. So to cheer him up, me and his best work friend started telling bad jokes and cheesy pick up lines. He joined in and some of them made me blush. One of them I joked back and was like “Sorry, I don’t have a penis.” He looks me up and down and goes “That’s fine, I’m actually bi.”
So I asked him why he told me he was gay and he said it’s just easier for him and he doesn’t have to explain himself.
All of a sudden, we’re flirting every day all day at work. It’s intense and I can’t tell if he’s serious. I make a comment about it and he basically confirms that he is. This goes on for a while and eventually he tells me he’s nervous because he’s been talking a big game with me but he’s never been with a woman and he’s afraid of disappointing me (and other women). He tells me he bought a book on female pleasure and anatomy. I tell him I didn’t think I’d be the right one to teach him and he said “You’re the right one to teach me about YOU.” He’s touchy. Flirty. Cute. Communicative. I think to myself this might be a safe person to have a friends with benefits with, especially because his age would be a barrier for me when it came to feelings. He adds me on all major socials. Prefers snap. Saves my snaps.
See attached image for rest of story. Wouldn’t fit in character limit. There’s so much more happening but I don’t want to overwhelm anyone.
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1 y
I would like to add that our coworkers have noticed and the chemistry is very intense. He’s a goofball and he’s just fun to be around. He’s super intelligent and overqualified for the job he’s working right now. The intelligence, the communication skills, the vulnerability, and his goofiness are all the things I’m attracted to.
I’ve told my best friends about what’s happening and they are enthralled and super encouraging of this. He’s very smooth and makes me feel amazing.
He seems like a genuine guy. A platonic relationship for a few months wouldn't hurt, especially since he is going through a recent break up and he needs time to deal with his petty ex and process his emotions to be ready for you.
You've mentioned that he is not ready for a relationship right now... but have you asked him if he might be a few months down the line?
His reasons are pretty legit. I would give it a try.
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I have not asked him this. Next time we hang out I will. Thank you!
A lot of young men are just confused these days - yea to a not so subtle agenda being pushed in academia. So be that Cougar who breaks him in - you might even save a life.
But - are you SURE workplace affairs are a good idea? Especially if this is a career for you and / or for him.
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My work place is massive and I’m actually about to change to a completely different skill field and department starting the beginning of January so I’m not worried about that part. I was before.
All right then, go for it However, do keep in mind that you will have to take initiative, because it seems pretty clear that he does not know how, or at least not yet he doesn't.
"He’s super intelligent and overqualified for the job he’s working right now."- on a related note, you might need to take him under your proverbial wing, so to speak.
Well if you like him. I guess ask him out and see where things go.
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I did ask him to hang out a week ago after him telling me he wanted to hang out. He told me he had to check his schedule. Normally, I’d move on at this point because I haven’t heard back yet but it is the holidays and he is out of town for the next week visiting family.
It’s better for someone to be honest. Even if the truth hurts it’s better to say you’re not into someone and be nice about it. So it gives them closure
It sounds like you are in but you lost me when said Xgirl is not happy with... She's got to much influence and at best you are Rebound Girl. I am a guy so I know Rebound Girl... separate from last relationship fully and then rebound girl because she reminds him of Xgirlfriend.. Best with it all.
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Ex boyfriend. Not girlfriend. He’s never been with a woman.
I should clarify that he told his ex boyfriend about how is his bi now and no longer identifies as gay. He told his ex about his attraction to me and his ex said “Oh, so I hurt you so bad you’re going straight now?” And now the Ex is so petty that he makes comments about how every girl he sees is so hot.
Wow, you are the potential converter. No wonder he hates you... he thinks you are a soul stealer and a home wrecker !! Basically, he sees you as the devil. Same applies about Rebound girl though-sad but true.
I replied about this in another comment. My place of employment has over 14,000 employees on the one campus. I’m moving to a different department starting in the New Year. The likelihood of us seeing each other or working together in the future is slim to none. Nor would anyone I work for or with know him.
