Why do men offer a casual relationship to a woman rather than a serious one?

[Anonymous]

Is this the sign of the times or is it usually in relation to how much a man sees a woman's worth? Their usual explanation for only offering casual sex is because they won't be ready for a couple of years. Or it simply an easy option. Little responsibility and can be with other one if they choose? Doesn't give women much security.

[Ghostykill3r]

I personally want to have sex, yet I don't, at this time, want to be in a serious relationship. I enjoy sex, and would like to have it regularly with someone who I could also be friends with, but I don't want to commit to spending a certain amount of time with them, foregoing my other responsibilities for them, or changing my life for them, yet. I'm very focused on work and making money at this point in my life and don't want to put someone through being in a relationship with me when they will not be my priority

[bamesjond0069]

It primarily means the woman does not qualify for their standards of a serious relationship. Period. "Not ready" is a cop out just like when women say "I have a boyfriend" when they really don't.

[Asker]

Thank you. So then, why seek to have sex with her? Why get involved with different women in situationships/casually and say the same thing to all of them?

[bamesjond0069]

Because for men that's something we desire. Just like it wouldn't seem weird if one of your girlfriends said to you "I want to get married" it would be kinda weird for a man to say this to a guy but it would be totally normal for him to say "I want to fuck a rando at the club idgaf and never see her again"

Men and women are different. You really have to think in a special way if you want to understand the other gender because everything you take for granted must first be thrown out the window. The basic starting point of how they view life is 100% different.

[Asker]

❤. Thank you. One of the helpful gentlemen answering my Q has mentioned that a casual relationship is not how I'm defining (everything other than being official... hanging out, fooling around, etc). I understand that men want sex and it's more about the raw act rather than the airy fairy additions. Thing is, I know that men want security too and love.

[Asker]

Also, how would a guy know what standards a woman has for a serious relationship if you don't know her personally?

[bamesjond0069]

Does that matter? Say I see an attractive woman. She's hot enough I'd like to have sex with her and hot enough to date her. But now I say hi and start talking and she tells me something I find unacceptable. Well I keep talking to her now knowing I just want sex and no relationship. in my opinion idc if I am meeting her expectations or not. If she stops talking to me then I guess I didn't meet them. If she's still moving forward it means I am meeting them. That's that.

You're welcome!

[Asker]

Thank you. I can recall how a guy in uni wanted to get to know me better. We sat next to each other on some transport and got on well. He brought me around one of his friends who, to be frank, was quite arrogant. I was sat with them and others and this guy concluded that I was boring while sitting quietly. This was within 5 mins of him interacting with me. I had felt uneasy around him from the get go as he seemed like he wasn't for me. Despite this behaviour and the guy not making any further moves, years later we got in touch via LinkedIn. He's married, but still in touch.

[Asker]

In another scenario, I think of a manager and I who were in a situationship for 2.5 years. He had a partner and toddler at home, but downplayed the partner. At one point, it felt like they were just co parenting. I decided to move department as I developed feelings. Wanted more. He didn't want it. Tried to prevent my move. I left and one week later, he got me to visit his department. We fooled around in my office but then no further contact from him, for a year. I come back a year later, he wants to talk - he wants to know ALL about my personal life. He then says his partner moved in. I kept it in, but I was stunned. A few months pass, he wants to check in on me. A few months after that, he wants to test the waters. A few years later, he has married this girl and has two children now. He wanted to fool around and get my number. I told him off and he's gone silent now. I was not the standard of woman he wanted?

[bamesjond0069]

Exactly. You don't sound like you met his criteria for a serious relationship.

One of the main ways men decide if they want to date you or fuck you is based off a woman's sexual standards. So for me personally I'm very physically attractive so I'm used to girls wanting to have sex. So I don't know if I want to date or fuck a girl but once she makes it known she wants to have sex, that's my criteria and I'm no longer interested in a relationship. I don't date women who have casual sex with an attractive "stranger".

[Asker]

Thing is, I'd just come out of a 5 year marriage. I was not one for casual flings and thought this guy was going to move things along to more. I also never slept with any of these guys. I'm not that type of women. One guy who dated me a few months ago mentioned that me turning down sex is a rare thing - simply because of my faith. I choose to have sex only in committed relationships. In fact, that 2.5 year guy never had coitus with me. This is the irony of it all.

[Asker]

I suppose this is why I ask this question... I'm a very feminine woman, and possibly give off sex vibes, but in fact, I'm not giving it up that easily.

[bamesjond0069]

I mean I don't know you enough to know. But it could be many things. Just one example.

[Asker]

I've always boiled it down to being a weight issue. Have been 40lb overweight for a season. Lost 20lb after my divorce but a lot of stress in work and life, left me resorting to old habits. My ex husband's parting words were " I pity you, most men will only want sex with you and not to marry you." I didn't ask why. I lost 20lb and by the time we signed the last of the divorce papers, he seemed surprised and sought to get back. Didn't happen...

[bamesjond0069]

Weight will be an issue. Personally I'd have sex with an attractive woman a bit overweight but I wouldn't date a woman overweight for various reasons regarding it.

Also I mean I'd not date someone divorced and especially not with kids. I don't know if you have any or not.

It could also just be very specific things like a man doesn't like your laugh or thinks you're too needy or not needy enough. Too much of a homebody, too much of a party girl. Anything really.

[Asker]

I'm divorced with no children. Men approach me frequently despite my weight. My parents say it's the extra weight (I'm usually sz 4/5 US. I'm sz 10 US at present😬...). I do still have an athletic frame, but look hot at my natural weight. Yeah... it really is in the eye of the beholder. Thanks so much for your insights and time! This has been awesome!

[Asker]

P. s. My ex would prob say it's because of my hue... I'm mahogany hued. Although, smooth and beautiful, and most men who approach me are shades from other sides of the spectrum, he felt that most wouldn't marry me due to my hue.

[bamesjond0069]

Wtf is hue? Are you trying to say you're black? Lol men don't care about that in general. It's another cop out fake excuse.

[Asker]

No one is actually black... so I speak in hue. Yes, many make several excuses and honestly, men in my skintone range don't approach me - most think I look too posh to approach. Lol

[bamesjond0069]

Doesn't matter. Its just chance. Nothing you can do about it even if it was a thing. Just ignore even thinking about it and move on.

[Asker]

Cheers James ❤

[boggboss]

Because the only thing they care about with that girl is aomthing casual nothing to do with the times situations like these happened in the pass just no so openly

[Asker]

So it's a reflection on how they see the girl. Don't see a future?

[boggboss]

Yes or don't care to see one with her

[Asker]

Wow, why would they keep around her for months eventhough she's not giving them sex and only maybe kiss them? Why would they dismiss her before knowing her? Is it to do with her looks?

[boggboss]

How is it looks if casual relationships are based on looks they are doing keeping her around because they think they will get sex

[Asker]

Casual relationships are also not based on looks?

[boggboss]

No they are entirely based on looks as the other parts like personality are things that lead serious relationships

[Asker]

Is it a compliment that he would find her attractive to have sex casually?

[boggboss]

Thats down to opinions some might like that others wouldn't

[boggboss]

From what u said in the other comment I think your definition of a casual relationship is not the same as what most guys would describe

[Asker]

Ooh please define:)

[boggboss]

Essently a relationship that has no chance of being long term that essently what the standerds are set at is all it will ever be

[Asker]

Right... however that prob means not allowing her/you into you emotionally. That's quite tough unless you keep distant, hot and cold, etc.

[boggboss]

No many guys don't care if a women does or will just end it

[misogynistic_pig]

Casual sex is cheap and easy today, before man was forced to get married to get sex since the monogamy is institutionalized, so if milk is free, the cow is not bought.

[Anonymous]

If a man sees a woman's only value is sex, then that's all he's going to expect and want from her. The key is to be a woman who brings more to the table than sex. Understand what GOOD men want in a woman, BE that woman and you will attracted good men. That message seems lost on most women today.

[LiamJHayden]

It is a sign of the times. A large number of women are fine with hooking up / friends with benefits so guys who are only interested in that might see if every girl they go out with is willing.

[UniquelyBasic]

Do you mean a relationship or just sex?

[Asker]

Well... casual relationship to me means everything in a relationship but not officially together. The girl or girl can have other partners unless they both decide they want to become official. Casual can also be Friends with benefits.

[Asker]

Girl or guy*

[UniquelyBasic]

Well, if it's just to fuck then they want to get off and that's it. They may want a relationship but just not with you.

[Asker]

Different to my definition... purely sex and no attempt to know the girl is prob a one night stand.

[Jmmmfi4]

Correction... to guys you have no worth.

[Asker]

Isn't that extreme? Or is this based on looks?

[Jmmmfi4]

It's not extreme it's just reality

[Asker]

To say someone has no worth to men is liking saying every man is blind. Reality is warped and deceptive. Look around... men can now get pregnant.

[Asker]

Like saying*