Education: Never once in my life have I actually enjoyed going to school and "learn" things. I never put much effort in it. I always half-assed everything and was content with getting a passing grade. The only reason I made it through high-school with good grades is because I'm pretty sure my IQ is on the higher side. I never had any drive about what I wanted to do later in life. I just did a popular program. I managed to get accepted to a pretty good university, but even that didn't excite me. I am currently portraying the exact same behavior I did in high school. Everything is very monotone. I am doing what society expects me to do in order to make a decent wage when I finally have to get a job and work a 9-5 for the rest of my misrable life, with 0 motivation.
Socially: I have an amazing, supportive family. I never had any trouble making friends. I'm comfortable around people, I'm well-spoken, and am a likeable person. I often crack jokes and am generally fun to be around, I've heard. Yet, I was never interested in making friends and hanging out with people. Things like clubbing just didn't particularly entertain me. I'd rather be at home doing fuck all. My "social battery" is always running on low. My friend circle is very small, and I usually only do something with them once or twice a month. I think I can be described as a bit of a loner. Romantically, I've been told that I'm pretty good looking. Girls show interest in me quite often, but nothing ever comes of it. Partly because of the reasons above, but unfortunately my confidence isn't very high either, even though I can fake it extremely well and can come across as this mr. cool guy, I know deep down it's a facade, and keep making up excuses in my head that I'm reading the signs wrong and that they're not interested.
I'm not enjoying anything about life, nothing excites me, I'm just living to live. I don't want to die either. I WANT to enjoy life, but I just don't know how. I can't change the way I feel.
