Is he saving me for later or just not interested?

[Anonymous]

I have this guy who I’ve known since ‘17. We started talking heavily in ‘18 but he distanced himself b/c he didn’t want a relationship. It hurt me to separate b/c we had a strong connection & could talk about our deepest, darkest secrets that I hadn’t been able to find in anyone else. He told me he felt the same way but still left. In ‘19, I got a boyfriend even tho I still missed him. I told him HBD a few months later & we talked & said how we missed each other & I found out he had a girlfriend too but he didn’t want to leave so we left things alone. In ‘20 we reconnected, I was single & he was taken but they’d gotten distant w/ each other, but he still wanted me to be all his without wanting to commit to me & drop his girlfriend. I got confused, & with me having a low self worth, I unknowingly became his sidepiece (not just sexually but emotionally too) on/off throughout that relationship to have his company. Ik ik, I cringe when i think about it. I backed away & got another boyfriend, but it was shortlived. In ‘21 we talked on/off but not as much. He was single & so was I but I was still not over my most recent ex so nothing happened. In early ‘22, we sat down & talked about a future between us. I said how all that we are looked for in other people, we both had & that’d make us perfect together plus us having this unbreakable connection. He said he could see himself with me in the future, it’s a possibility but he’s afraid he’ll mess it up & do something stupid to lose the friendship we have & so he needs to heal & so did i. We separated again until the last day of the ‘22, we reconnected. We both felt healed, not entirely but enough. We talked more, worked out together, & even watched movies on ft. He’s currently talking to another girl which started in late ‘22 & i’m letting him b/c if he wanted to be with me he would, right? Even tho he’s picked yet another girl over me, I can’t get over him or help but think if he’s saving me for later or just not interested?

[Anonymous]

There should be no such thing as saving you for later. It’s like you’ve just made peace with having low self worth and settling for any bit of this guy that he will give you, but why? Why accept this rather than try to grow out of it? After all this time, that guy has no genuine love for you, and each time he shows you attention it’s behind someone else’s back. You would never be able to trust him and settle for more and more mistreatment. Be better than that. If you had a daughter or someone you loved going through this you would never advise them stick around, so take your own advice.

[ettajeezy]

I think even if you did get what you want which is a long term relationship with this guy, it would not be what you are hoping for. He clearly doesn't respect you and appears to have kept you firmly on the backburner. I'm afraid if you got together, he would likely be settling because he clearly does not want you as his first choice unfortunately. It feels like you two have developed a complex where he know you're always going to be around so he uses that, and this makes you idealize him and not see him for what he is. Do you really even want to be with someone who has a sketchy history of emotional affairs and using you? I think the best thing you could do for yourself is move on completely and open yourself emotionally to finding the right guy who is going to respect you and chase you. You deserve better.

[Guy13]

It appears after this long period of time that he is not serious about a long-term commitment with you. It seems like you should let this one go and find one that appreciates you for who you are. Good luck !!

[spartan55]

Saving you for later? It's been six fucking years, it ain't happenin.