I’m 99% of the time 1st to text. He always responds within a few minutes but I have to initiate. Does he like me at all?

SteveSmith1985

Guru Age: 41

762 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Yea he likes you at least "some" for sure. Or he wouldn't be responding right away. I wouldn't assume that this means he doesn't like you. I guess it depends how frequently you talk to him. But... what can happen, is that "a pattern" gets established. So he doesn't text you first... because he knows you're going to probably text him if you want to talk to him. After all you seem to be doing just that. Therefore, he'll wait for you to have some time to chat, when he assumes you'll send him a text.

Or even just a simple subconscious version of that.

I think if he replies right away, that means more than that you're the first one to text all the time. I can explain that pattern.

The pattern of replying right away all the time... I can only explain as "someone who wants to be talking to you."

Asker

+1 y
The problem comes in as how I guess? Love interest, friend, sister? I should note… if I don’t text him for a week or so, I won’t hear from him unless he has a question about something.

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SteveSmith1985

+1 y
Well you're right. Figuring that out if what half the questions on here are about. Because it's not always easy to know. But you need to look for more evidence. So how often he texts you and how quickly he replies is one piece of information you can use in figuring that out. But it's by no means the main thing you use to figure that out.

So don't focus so much on this texting thing. Look for what other evidence you have about how he might feel about you (what he says, or if you see him in person, what he does as well).

The way you figure it out, is when you get MULTIPLE different signs someone seems interested... which wouldn't all be happening AT THE SAME TIME. Because if they are, it would be one ridiculous coincidence.

So if, for example, this is a guy you work with. If you notice that: He seems to always want to be around you... more than most people... AND you catch him staring at you from across the room... AND he remember to wish you a happy birthday eventhough you don't tell people it's your birthday, AND he seems to have a weird look in his eyes when he's speaking with you face-to-face...

Well then that's how someone concludes that another person likes them. None of those things on their own are worth much. ANy of them are ambiguous and don't necessarily mean interest. But put them together, and there's zero doubt about interest. Those things couldn't all happen together unless someone likes you.

So, you need to broaden the scope of what you're looking at (don't focus on the texting it's only one data point). Look for the other evidence about how he feels.

(Same goes for if thinking you're "a friend" or "a sister". You can figure that out equally well by looking at the broader evidence of his actions and his words)

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Asker

+1 y
It’s all very confusing. He teases me in the way a guy does if he likes you, but then a few times has called me buddy. Or he goes out of his way to make sure I know he’s there, but leaves without saying goodbye. We have good banter and a few inside jokes, but I’ve been burned in the past, so I read too much into things or see stuff that isn’t there because I really like him.

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SteveSmith1985

+1 y
From the brief bit you mentioned there, it sounds like he might be interested. It leans that way I mean.

I would put zero meaning into him calling you his buddy. That literally means nothing. You can forget he even said it. That only means something if a guy is going out of his way to specify what a close FRIEND he sees you as. With a definite emphasis on friend. But if he just referred to you that way without it being in the context of specifically talking about "how he sees you"... then it means nothing at all.

Going out of his way to make sure you know he's there but leaves without saying good bye. Do you mean from work? from the bar? from what exactly?

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Asker

+1 y
Local archery club we are both members at and see each other there at least twice a week.

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SteveSmith1985

+1 y
Then I can explain that I think. Or I at least have a theory. So he makes a point to make sure you know he's there for the reasons you're thinking (interest).

But the reason he doesn't always make a point to say good-bye is simply because that would be quite obvious. It would be a fairly overt and clear signal that he likes you (if he does).

So if he (or you guys) aren't right on the cusp of someone saying something out loud... then this makes sense. Making sure to say good-bye... if that's not in the natural course of things (in other words, he doesn't see you on the way out)... would be just as clear a sign that he liked you. (on top of the other signs).

So reading "he doesn't say good-bye" as meaning: "He doesn't like you" is based on the assumption, that: If he DID like you, he WOULD always make sure to say goodbye. Which is not at all true.

Therefore, I would say that there is nothing particular to read in the fact that he doesn't say goodbye. It is certainly a mistake to read it as counting towards the "he doesn't like me" side. In this case it's meaningless.

Expecting him to say goodbye all the time is like expecting him to walk up to you and confess his feelings. If he isn't ready to do that... then he's going to keep his mouth shut (or in this case, not give you the CLEAR signal he likes you by making a point to always say goodbye).

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Asker

+1 y
Thank you. Your insight has been most helpful!

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SteveSmith1985

+1 y
You're quite welcome. Good luck!

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