Guys, What does it mean if a guy i've been Been hooking up for years he tells me Im a dear friend, I love you girl? Have I been friend zoned?

[Anonymous]

He says im one of the only people he can be himself with , and trusts. He tells me our chemistry is off the charts, He says its not just about physical that he cares about me. but what does he mean when he tells me im a “dear friend , i love you, girl” . Am I friend zoned?

[LiamJHayden]

Yes, you are friend zoned, and likely for a good reason. He knows you are too good to be used and discarded, which is what he does. As odd as it sounds, he loves you in away that none of his hookups will ever know.

[Jangshung]

Sadly you have been friend zoned or you may just be the in between or until someone he sees as better than your self

[BarryLiverstone]

You are not a romantic option for him.

[BarryLiverstone]

Do you have any feelings for him?

[Asker]

We have been a part of each other’s lives for 20 years. Our relationship started out very physical but over the years has become emotional and physical when we see each other. I’ve loved him for 20 years.

[BarryLiverstone]

So in a sense you feel like you could be his wife but based on what he said he has you and other people to get his needs met

[BarryLiverstone]

Wow 20 years is a long time. How did you not even have a child with him?

[Asker]

Its a complicated situation. We both were married and had kids with other people. We kept in contact over the years But we just never ended up “together “ by the time we found our way back to one another we were in our 30’s and I had been married. Then we saw each other years later it was like no time had passed and we fell back into being physical and keeping in contact almost every day even though we lived far from each other. We would make plans to meet up and see each other every year or couple of years. still talking almost every day

[BarryLiverstone]

That makes more sense. You don’t see him everyday, you had time apart and it’s only when you see him irl that you have sex. Yep it’s a friend zone but tbh I’m not sure if he even wants to be married again. But I don’t know him so wouldn’t know

[BarryLiverstone]

He means that he loves you, but for him you are closer to family than not

[Asker]

He was military and overseas a lot so by the time he found me again and we reconnected as friends , I was married already with children. Which he seemed shocked about. He eventually got married and had a child too. But was very unhappy in his marriage.
Still years have gone by and he still talks to me almost daily.

[BarryLiverstone]

At least you love him and trust him so you can be yourself and intimate when he’s around

[Asker]

so you think he views me as a family member?
Even if he tells me our chemistry is beyond amazing and im the only person he can be his true self with?
If this is the case I have to cut things off. I can’t handle that. I need to move on!!

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes. If you are asking will he claim you as his wife in 5 years the chances are very low. Again I don’t know all the details but sounds like you are both not married rn yet he is not choosing to be living near you

[Asker]

he says he feels the same but he uses the words “dear friend “
I’m still with my husband but our marriage is an open marriage..
as I said its all very complicated

[BarryLiverstone]

Ya I can’t know what he is thinking but he may also know that you are married and have kids so he doesn’t want you to be his and break up a family. Him using the friend word clearly is a barrier from saying you are his lover. Does he get along with your hubby?

[BarryLiverstone]

Sorry this is going beyond your initial question and you already said it’s complicated

[Asker]

I try not to love him but I've loved him since we met 20 years ago and never stopped. but we were young, he was military and miles away. I went on with my life, got married, he eventually did the same and ended up very unhappy in his marriage.
I've tried walking away so many times but he won’t let me go. I love him but can’t keep doing this and im tired of the emotional turmoil

[BarryLiverstone]

Lemme know If I can help. If you love him it may be hard to cut it off

[Asker]

he’s never met my husband. In fact in most cases he refuses to use my married last name, he still refers to me by my maiden name which i think is odd

[Kyr0s]

Probably.