Boyfriend demands I make it up to him after fight?

[Anonymous]

Demand might be strong word but he says the only way he’ll get over being angry is if I make it up to him. Sounds fair right? Yes so I start listing out things he might enjoy or want. He says no every single one of them (they’re all bad ideas he says). Every one and I mean I have offered 20 plus things, between date ideas, sexual favours.

And when I ask him for help like okay you don’t like my ideas what would you like? His reply is it’s up to me to think of them not him. And then he says if the roles were reversed I’d have thought of something you’d like by now. Making it seem like I’m not making any effort.

What should I do? Before I literally blow up with anger at him.

[bowenw]

It seems like he is playing mind games with you and being immature in the first place for demanding something in the first place. I would tell him your are out of offers and he can find himself a new girlfriend.

[Asker]

Mind games how? That’s interesting.

[bowenw]

It seems like no matter what you offer to make things right he rejects it and refuses to say what he actually wants. He seems to want to rub it in your face that he has you where he wants you.

[Asker]

What’s the goal of that though because if I don’t sort it with him he stays mad so he wants to stay mad? 🤔 he just thinks all my ideas aren’t good enough

[bowenw]

I'm not a psychologist, but he may want to gloat that he won the fight. He may also be hoping the next time you feel like fighting you won't so you don't have to go through all this again.

[Asker]

It’s honestly stressing me out majorly I’ve got serious anxiety from this. I’ve been trying for 2 weeks to fix it. He just says if I really wanted it fixed I’d think of something but I’m honestly trying I just can’t. I literally have anxiety to the point I can’t eat

[Asker]

What should I do? I’m desperate for him to stop being mad at me so we can just go back to normal it’s been 2 weeks :(

[bowenw]

In my opinion he's being totally unreasonable and doesn't really want it to be fixed. He may want to hold it over your head for as long as he can or is using it as a way to try to end the relationship. Either way I think you need to decide if you want to stay in a relationship with him and do what is best for you.

[Asker]

I don’t think he wants to break up with me because he said he loves me and never wants us to break up. So maybe he’s enjoying me trying to do things for him? But he also says he does want to fix things but doesn’t know how to stop being mad. I don’t want to break up because we have so much plans together and we have a house.

[bowenw]

If I were you I would suggest to him the two of you go for relationship counseling because neither of you seem happy as things are now.

[Asker]

There’s no way he would. He thinks this is a productive way of making sure I don’t piss him off again. He said it’s a way I learn and to punish me

[bowenw]

It sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. Personally I would not tolerate being treated they way you are and would be ending it.

[slatyb]

That sounds horrible. Relationships should not be so transactional. Dump this guy, get some counseling.

[Peg-a-sys]

Why do you think we start fights in the first place. Ever wonder why you allways win?