What gets a player to fall in love?

Player guys, answer! When I say player, I don't mean it in an offensive way- I just am generalizing the guys who are good looking, young (18-21) and dates many girls. and this intro might be really long, but please just hold on!

So I've been dating this guy for a few weeks, and I like him, but not enough to even be close for it to be called an attachment. We hook up every time we see each other, but it always stops at a certain point (I end it).

The other day, he was on the phone and when his friend asked him who he was with, he just said a friend. so, while we were kissing like there's no tomorrow I stopped and said "im just a friend rite?" and he answered with "no. a little more than that."

so that sums up what we have. a little more than friends. and I'm fine with that. we also talked about having an open relationship where we can hook up with other people. before, he would always get jealous about otehr guys and told me to stop fooling around with them, saying that it should only be him who I talk to. the other day, he said "whew I've been dying to tell you that (about open relatiosnip) now I think id be seeing you for longer"

and I am gonna make it clear- I'm fine with that. but why the sudden change?

when we were talking about the relationship thing, he said he's started being hard hearted ever since his last few girlfriends dumped him, and that's how all players start. he also said he likes keeping around girls he chased. I'm not someone he chased. when I told him I was really open about my feelings, he said I shouldnt be, because some guys like to be curious. that's himself implied, I'm guessing.

my question--

would he ever be able to think "this girls special" after a few more months of how we are now? or did we just start off on a bad start of no chase, whatsoever, therefore he wouldn't try to pursue me?

Also- what gets a player to fall in love? how wold girls be able to do that?
Why hasn't anybody answered this?!?!?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, I'm getting married to a player! It's been a hard journey but I knew he was the one pretty early on. My advice to you would be, find out if your feelings for him are real or if you just like him because of the challenge? Friendship and understanding make the difference here. A guy like that does not easily give his trust to any woman. He needs to know that he means more to you than sex or looks. Yes he can have any woman but he will not give away his heart to just anyone anymore. But please know there is no way to make a man love you. You just have to be yourself but more importantly find out what you want in a relationship and what you will and will not accept. Then live your life by those standards. For example, If you want someone who is trustworthy then you must be trustworthy.

    My guy was a really bad commitment phobe but I never accepted anything less from him than what I felt I deserved. It was tough sometimes because we loved each other but he couldn't offer me a commitment and I couldn't accept that. We never even had a label for the past three years but in November he popped the question. He decided to make the ultimate commitment to me and I'm glad I didn't settle for anything less. I guess he had to get certain things out of his system and I gave him room to do so. I wouldn't want to be with him if he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me but through our friendship we really developed an incredibly strong bond.

    • I fell in love with a player nearly 2 years ago and I still am in love with him. His mates know me and I think they like me, I know for a fact that he likes me but he's playing the game really bad now. My head's been gone for ages. I never know what to expect. In college he always confronts me and makes it awkward for a both. Couple of days he asked me to meet him after he seen me move on, so I met him yesterday and I could tell just by looking at him that he has a thing for me. All of his mates say he just wants sex. Fair enough, but you don't chase a girl knowing she won't have sex with you. Yet he still tries, I reckon he does have something for me. We nearly had sex yesterday but it just didn't happen at the end. Then he suddenly texted me yesterday saying 'you didn't text me'. Expecting me to get hold of him first. He knows I can easily go out and pull and he doesn't like it but doesn't exactly want to make me his either. All's I can say is watch out. Play him at his own game.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • You can't make a guy fall in love with you! what the hell are you thinking? A player is a player, we trick women to have sex with them, we like variety.. going from one woman to the next, we are hard work in relationships and are impossible to please. Give up on him, take it from a player, we arnt worth the hassle.

    • i have to disagree 'iformshadears', being a 'player' is a facade. guys who call themselves players, are only covering up for their deep-seeded insecurities, whether it be mommy issues, a broken heart in the past, or lack of self confidence by which they hope to make themselves feel high and mighty by degrading and sleeping with as many women as possible. and of course; the fact that he has too high of standards that even a barbie doll wouldn't suffice, so he sleeps with all the women he can, sub

    • consciously in search of someone who will meet his requirements. in conclusion, a player always has a reason, a player isn't just a player for the hell of.. so I'm certain, that if a so-called player, finds a girl he's in complete awe of, body, beauty and mind and realizes this girl is one of a kind, he'll leave his player ways in the past and man the f*** up

    • hahahaha I like you :)

      I have no insecurities though, I know what I am and I know what I'm not.

What Girls Said 6

  • for the most part, been there done that! except at least for the last guy there weren't any other people involved but he did blame him not wanting a relationship anymore on his past relationships so he ended everything, even the kissing. and, except for the beginning, I more chased him too. we're still friends like he wants us to be, though, but it's hard because he led me on and I did get hurt by him.

    anyways, it sounds like he's not ready for an exclusive relationship and so if you're not ready for one either then that's fine. but you're apparently expecting for you guys to eventually be exclusive and serious so things might get a little complicated. I know that this might be hard [as it is for me] but for now on let him "chase" you! don't initiate contact but wait for him and don't get too physical with him. if he really likes you then he'll come around. you might have to be patient though and either trust him or be okay with him not being the guy for you.

  • Alrighty, well...

    has he made any extra effort to keep in touch with you? When you guys see each other, was he the one that initiated the meeting, or you? Can you see it in his eyes that he likes you more than a friend? Also, you should ask him if the relationship will ever proceed to anything bigger than "a little bit more than friends." Being up front about it is actually the best way. He might be taken back at first, but he could probably manage an honest answer. If he says yes, ask him how. Ask him why. Does he want it? Also, it seems obvious that he likes mysterious girls, so if you've been the one inviting him for hookups, leave some time for him to ask you out. Good luck!

  • After ending an on again off again 5 year relationship with a player, I can honestly tell you NO. He will never go for the girl that wasn't a challenge. This person and I are actually best friends now, and he tells me "guy secrets". If a girl gives up the ultimate goal before commitment, he will always think that you are "that way" with everyone else. Men are about egos. Therefore, he will never commit / marry anyone who he "thinks" may be the subject of men's bathroom chatter. (i.e. I had her last week, I had her last year, I heard she's a real tiger in bed etc.) So no, a player will never go for an easy girl. He wants the girl that, if he commits, he can proudly take to his mother or friends, or networking events and show off his prize Knowing that no one in his circle can say "I conquered that". Sorry, it's hard, but it's the truth. (& mine never conquered me, I think that's why we are still friends)

  • i guess all girls are really eager to know this.sry,i hv no idea.i am replying because I m also curious,

    but I think.what takes a player to fall in love is -well,if the girl is not impressed by any of his tricks and games.if she is clear that she likes him but she waits for him to talk clear,without any pretence..that is,in a way,she refuses to accept the player...but wants to actually c the swthrt within..

    and I am an overromantic fool...but this is what I think

  • i really can't wait to see what guys say about this one. this guy and I were the same way, things are over though between us now. I messed it up =/ but he was a player, and good at it too

  • Honestly, he isn't worth it, most players don't fall inlove. They cheat, they like the excitment that different girls have to offer, you can do way better than what he has to offer. please take it from me, guys like that are bogus.

    • Actually they can--I befriended a total playboy about five years ago. For the first three years, he constantly made advances, all of which I deflected. However, I spent a lot of time with him as a friend and he developed actual feelings for me. He started respecting my boundaries, getting to know me, telling me about himself, going out of his way to spend time with me even though he knew I wouldn't sleep with him, and doing nice things for me like giving me his jacket when I'm cold and even protecting me from creepy guys at parties. A couple months ago, I finally agreed to a relationship and it has been amazing. I think he would pull the moon out of the sky for me.

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