Why do older men talk to me/stare at me?

[echoflowerrr]

I'm 13. Online, sometimes older men will try to talk to me even after I tell them my age and say we can't talk. Irl, older men will sometimes stare at me or something. I can't tell if it's in a creepy way or something like that, or if it might be because of what I'm wearing. I don't necessarily wear revealing clothes, but most of the clothes to go out that my parents get for me are like, 'tighter' or whatever in the chest area. It's not that the clothes are tight, it's more like those clothes that look tight against your body but they actually just stretch or something to fit your body. I don't really see anything wrong with what I wear, but I don't want to say that it's not a possibility. I've also been told that 'certain parts' my body are like, more developed or whatever for my age, and that I supposedly 'look older than I am'. I don't know if I should find that creepy or not, but it's not exactly something that makes me feel good.

[MrOracle]

I've seen girls who have the body of an adult woman, but who, if you look a little more closely, are clearly young teens. Many guys would see such a girl and assume that she's 18 or 19, even if she's really 12 or 13, and, for sure, some of them don't CARE to look close enough to see that she's clearly younger than a first glance might suggest.

You can't really prevent anyone from looking, but you CAN set clear boundaries (and it sounds like you do) and limit your interactions with such men. It sounds like you're doing this already, so keep it up.

As you get older, you will probably be tempted (and your friends will likely encourage this, especially those "friends" who have very poor judgement themselves) to get with older guys at a very young age, but I don't recommend it. It's not unusual for girls to date older guys, but I wouldn't consider anyone more than 2 years older than you, at least until you're out of high school.

[echoflowerrr]

Makes sense. Thank you.

[inhua]

if older men are looking, I can guarantee that younger boys are looking too

it's not illegal to look or talk but as long as they don't try to put their hands on you, then I wouldn't worry too much if I were you

you might get some users here that try to demonize these people and scare you into thinking a certain way to invoke fear

if you want to live a long happy life, don't let thoughts that go on in the minds of others dictate your happiness. if you concern yourself with the thoughts of others (when they look) it won't be a happy life for you

feeling good depends on how much you accept the world for what it is

[echoflowerrr]

Okay, thank you.

[mandyfire98]

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I was the same way. When I was 13 and 14 and 15 I got hit on by older men all the time. And you start second guessing everything.

Like I developed pretty fast physically. So at 13 I had a fully developed body pretty much. I understand that would get attention. I understand breasts will get attention. So I thought maybe they think I'm legal age.

I've always looked younger than what I was though, my body at 13 and 14 might've looked old enough but I know for a fact my face looked my age or younger. So I thought, ok, They have to know I'm underage. So eventually I'd tell them my actual age and it honestly wouldn't stop them.

There's honestly nothing you can do to change their mind. People like that, no age or number is gonna matter to them in the end.

Just try to get away from them as fast as possible. Don't ever play into it at all. Just go if you can.

[echoflowerrr]

Thank you.

[echoflowerrr]

And I'm sorry you had to experience this, too.

[mandyfire98]

It's not ideal at that age. It's frightening sometimes.

[sheikalana]

You are at that age you're not a girl and not a woman yet. For creeps and pervs for some reason are attracted to that. Be very careful with these type of men you're a minor.

[echoflowerrr]

Thank you.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Older men started staring at me at the age of 13 too.

Some started messaging me online, some even tried to sext with me.

It caused huge trust issues to me and for a long time I didn’t trust older men and thought they were gross predators.

I hope you’ll stick to talking to boys your age and remember that a 30/40/50 yo man who pays too much attention to you, doesn’t necessarily have the best interests to you.

Take care and protect yourself from such men.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

When I was 13 year old, I was trying to improve my English by talking to people online, there was this 24 yo man who pretended he also wanted to improve his English and called me through video call, and then he would ask me to take off my shirt.

Of course, I didn’t.

I was shy and worried that he asked me such a thing.

But at that age, lots of immoral men try to take advantage of you.

Take care….

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

It reminds me of my teen years and trauma it left on me…

I do hope you know older men who message you, do so, not out of the interest to your personality as they might pretend, but because they get sexual gratification by chatting with someone this young and then leading her on and making her feel, as if it’s a normal thing.

It’s not normal, my darling…

Not a normal 40 year old chats with 13 yo girls online…

[Anonymous]

You should feel whatever way you naturally do. Feelings are unnate, they're not a choice. If you feel creeped out by it, that is valid. That doesn't necessarily mean they are being creeps (though they very well still may be), but if you are feeling creeped out about it, I don't think you should question yourself.

But if you do look older than you are, and you are more developed than girls your age typically are, it is possible these guys might wrongfully assume you're a decent bit older. Though, hopefully they're still being respectful and considerate of your comfort and not just gawking at you whether it bothers you or not.

[Opinion Owner]

Whoops, typo. I meant "feelings are innate".

[echoflowerrr]

Thank you.

[Opinion Owner]

No problem

[slatyb]

There's nothing wrong with what you wear. Many adult men are clueless about the effect their behavior has on adolescent girls, or else they know but don't care. Sorry, I don't have any advice for you.

[echoflowerrr]

It's alright, thank you.

[Dat-Alpha-Lion]

If you don’t like the attention don’t bother with those people

[echoflowerrr]

It's mostly random guys when I go out. If it's online, I obviously block them or just ignore them, but when it's irl, it's more like I just have to deal with it.

[Dat-Alpha-Lion]

Might need to consider getting a new wardrobe then. If it’s too skin tight, they’re gonna notice.

[echoflowerrr]

I've thought about it, but I honestly find it dumb to change the clothes I like wearing just bc of some random people. I don't like being stared at and everything, but I genuinely don't like the idea of just changing the clothes I like bc of it. I understand why you're suggesting that, though.

[Dat-Alpha-Lion]

Do they stare at you one on one? Or is it usually in a crowded area?

[echoflowerrr]

Usually in a crowded area, or just somewhere that's not necessarily crowded, but not empty.

[Dat-Alpha-Lion]

Okay well if you don’t feel comfortable getting a new wardrobe that’s fine. Just know that it’s not your fault. If you want to talk, I’m here to bend my ear. Cute MHA profile pic by the way!

[echoflowerrr]

Thank you! And sorry for replying so late.

[Dat-Alpha-Lion]

No worries! You can follow me and check out some of my other posts too.

[riverrat3]

Well stated, and very sorry that you have been made to feel this way. Stay safe

[balyai]

Those men are creeps