Does it hurt when men seem to like you or even ask/take you out but later you realize they just want to get laid?

[Bkotgvv]

It hurts.

[DaveJord]

I mean I would assume so. Like this really hard for guys to find a balance. Like its super hard, because most guys can not imagine a scenario when average to better than average women would want to take use out just for sex, and we would not do it. Like that a huge ego bust, and really gives guys a lot of confidence.

So, it's hard for a guy to realize or imagine how feeling this way about woman would hurt their feelings. Because for most guys this how most their relationships start... they meet a woman, they like her, they want to get laid, and then they might fall in love with her. And women act like this is the most disrespectful and hurtful thing.

But this how it has worked for millennia and both women and men know this, so honestly, it's in the genetic coding. So, are you really expecting men to be able to overcome their very nature? And when use men do overcome our nature and really put in the effort, women are never trusting of it anyway... so we might as well look to just get laid and then hope for more later, then not to want to get laid and get nothing out of it for all the time and effort we put into it.

Thats what hurts for most guys, you put in all this time and effort and then for some bullshit reason, you realize this woman just wasted all your time and you didn't get laid, and its over for no reason at all. Like the women can't or won't even tell you why. That hurts for sure.

[JustMeQ2]

I came here wanting to give my male point of view because I had the male version of the same issue.


After I read your replies, I know that you are the type of woman who creates the problem.


Not changing your position is limiting your growth potential and you need to grow. You are not that perfect to not be able to question your beliefs. No human is.


A person needs to know what they want. With that a man has to approach you with it, together you need to see if your goals are matching. The WOMAN needs to show that she wants to keep him. After all this is meet you work to keep the relationship alive.


No matter how much we clicked, or how much we wanted to sleep with each other. They never managed to keep me. And when I told them why I lost interest, they were offended. The attraction and the good times were an insult now, to them.


You are doing the same. Grow up, start talking more openly and directly.


“A man not being able to get a girlfriend is the male equivalent of women not being able to keep him”


At this moment you are a female “incell”

[Anonymous]

One of my male friends actually confronted me about this, he asked, 'do you really not know?'

I think I knew deep down. I'm re-evaluating all of my male friendships & trying to push the fake ones away slowly. And I've learnt that I'm partly to blame for the assault etc. I experienced as I can't expect every man to be a good person. I always gave them the benefit of the doubt, partly because I thought they were better than that, partly because I thought I was too ugly to be liked.

Now, I am friendly with men and am happy to get close to them, but as soon as they show any signs of that, we're done and I don't care if it hurts their ego. Dogs.

[Horror_lover92]

It definitely hurts and it's hard to trust again, I'm actually dating someone that I keep a wall up, and no matter how many times he does something that makes me happy, I still get scared to let him in, I honestly even told him and he understands and surprisingly still wants to date me. Everytime our date ends I will automatically think he won't message me but of course he proves me wrong because every morning I will see a " heyy good morning sweetheart " and asking how I slept. No matter how many of my friends tells me I found a good guy, a part of me is still scared thinking he will just leave once he is done with me.

[Horror_lover92]

@Peoplekfifjf from what I know, he's a provider for sure. The way he treats me shows it as well. From all the guys I dated in the past, he's 100 times better but those guys also mentally messed me up to the point I might eventually push away a great guy or he will get annoyed with me because he will constantly reassure me, and I don't have to say anything it's like he can read my mind or noticing my body language when feeling uncomfortable.

[spartan55]

How are you defining 'provider' here?

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
You can not care all you want, but you will seriously limit the number of guys who would be interested. And what are you bringing to the table in return?

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
LOL... 😂 Why is that? Because you exist?

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
Excuse me? You want to start with the insults? Really?

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
Slaves... that's funny. How so? Explain that position.

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
That's the first you've mentioned all of that. I will step into your world for a second and ask a question. What if you want to get a job/career later when your kids are in middle school or so?

[spartan55]

by the way, none of that is even close to being a slave. By your logic the man is just as much a slave by being the 100% provider.

[spartan55]

I grew up when it was still very common for women to be SAHM and one income being enough to carve out a good living. Unless you land a rich dude that dynamic is pretty rare nowadays. Are you really 31?

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
Says every single woman ever...😂 😂 Not happenin.

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
So? Wow, you really are clueless. Only women's needs matter, never a guy's right? I notice you dodged the age question and what you will do when you get bored around the house and don't have any muffins to make.

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
LOL... that's a new one.

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
Maybe just keep up?

[DubiousIntentions]

@spartan55 Who is peoplekfifjf? I don't even see that name here?

[spartan55]

@dubiousintentions
She must have dipped. It was a level one account, go figure.

[Finchie40]

Every guy that asks a girl out on a date wants sex with her. , he wouldn’t be asking a girl out on a date if he wasn't’ attracted to her and interested in her and didn’t want to have sex with her. , iso It just comes down to whether he is in it for the long haul or the short haul is the tricky part , Girls’ do the same thing as well to Guys. The truth is we can’t read each other’s minds and we don’t know exactly what someone else’s true intentions are , so it’s always a 50/50 chance on whether that someone wants a relationship with you or just wants to have sex with you and nothing more. It’s a chance that we all take when it comes to meeting someone new. For a relationship to begin both people have to put the same effort in
and choose each other , it has to go both ways for any relationship not begin , so if you want a relationship , you are best to give to them the same way you want them to give to you , Not just sit back and wait for them to come to you , you both have to do your part and you both have to keep choosing each other over everyone else by making each other your top priority , Intimacy and affection is very important in a relationship, if a partner isn’t receiving intimacy and affection from their partner , then that relationship will probably not last period , And be a waste of time. So again for love to grow between 2 people, both people have to choose Each other and prioritize each other , it can’t be one sided , when a relationship becomes one sided that relationship will fail period

[Monalisa77]

Nah for me there would be no chance theylll be getting any straight away theyll know with me straight away i need to take it slow

[Finchie40]

That’s fine to do , just be honest from the very beginning , Sadly
Most people have a hard time being honest and then they wonder why they keep having failed relationships , most people just say what they think the other person wants to hear , when it comes to meeting someone they are attracted to and interested in , Most people do not look at the big picture when they meet someone new that they are attracted to , because they are just infatuated n with that person and they just agree with what the other person is saying to them because they want that person to fall for them. Guys and Girls’ do this shit all the time when they want someone to like them back. Whether they just want sex or they actually want a relationship most people are nervous to say what they really want to say and sugarcoat it the best way they can , instead of just being honest , when you choose to be honest with someone it makes it easier for that someone to be honest with you , if they choose to lie to you than that’s something they will have to deal with when the truth finally shines and they will suffer the consequences of their actions. I have slept with married women that lied to me about being single to eventually find out they were lying to me
The whole time, once I found out the truth, I kicked them to the curb where they belong. I can only give to a girl the same way I want to receive , why I choose to be honest from the start. When someone can keep secrets and lies from you they are only hurting themselves , what they choose to do is their problem not yours. So if a girl just wants to have sex with me and nothing more she is best to just be honest with me from the beginning , to give me a chance to decide on whether I want to do so or not , sadly most people in general are selfish and will only do what is best for themselves and then again , they wonder why they can’t last in a relationship, because they are liars and selfish people.

[Finchie40]

When a girl treats me with honesty and respect I will so do the same for her , if she treats me like shit I will treat her like shit or just walk away , Sadly most people just assume the worst case scenarios when they start to fall in love with someone , they think to themselves that there is no way this person loves me like they say they do and then they start questioning themselves on whether that person is being honest with them or not leading them to become their own worst enemy , By assuming their partner is up to no good , if a partner starts treating you like shit , and starts belittling you and Criticizing you and comparing you to other people you are best to walk away and don’t look back , if someone honestly loves you they will stand by you no matter what and try to bring happiness into your life , Not misery , Never tolerate someone that treats you like a convenience, life is too short to waste your time on someone that can’t be honest with you.

[dynamicyandere]

Nobody likes to be tricked or used or taken advantage of.


This is why I personally believe it’s important to focus on depth of connection.


A man that only wants to get laid is less likely to invest in building a genuine emotional bond.


That vulnerability and authenticity and baring one’s soul, especially on their end, is likely not something they will get into with someone they plan on abandoning.

[Bkotgvv]

How do I know a guy is doing that? Some act fake

[Bkotgvv]

I’m adding you, hopefully you can tell me more thank you

[spartan55]

@Bkotgvv
Everyone shows you who they are, usually very early. The problem is too many ignore the flaws and think they can 'change' someone. All you have to do is pay attention.

[spartan55]

Is he respectful? Do his words match his actions? Every guy wants sex, some want the relationship with it too. I would wait for a woman I really liked when I was in my 20's. Key part "if I really liked her"

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
Wouldn't it be reasonable to assume you are choosing the wrong guys then? Also, expecting a guy to chase you is not going to help your relationship prospects. Quite the opposite actually.

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
No one has to chase anyone. The whole notion is just ridiculous and only kept alive by women (mostly)

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
LOL why do you think anyone has to chase anyone? 😂 😂

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
If that's your position, good luck. Be prepared to at least show interest in the guy. Otherwise, get ready to be the catlady.

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
Being passive has nothing to do with it. Now you can only hope a guy you actually like wants to play your game. You'd have better luck on a roulette wheel in Vegas.

[DubiousIntentions]

Haven't you ever gone Trick of Treatn'?

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
I'm just trying to help you out, but you seem pretty stubborn.

[spartan55]

@dubiousintentions
Was your comment directed towards me?

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
I've said more than once during this discussion you can do whatever you want. So I'm not trying to change anything, but nice try. I'm speaking from many years of experience. Not just my own, but many others (men and women) so I'm hardly talking out my ass here. Your attitudes towards marriage and relationships are not going to give you the results you want. If by some miracle they do? Get back to me and I will gladly eat shit.

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
And for the third time... chasing is not a requirement to be in a relationship. 😂😂

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
And the true colors come out. Hard to understand why no guy wants to chase you. Such a pleasant gal...😂

[dynamicyandere]

@Bkotgvv I sent you a DM in case you wanted to hash out the details there and give me more context of what happened last time and any patterns you’ve noticed. ✅

But, here in the comment section, I can start with this: It’s similar to how you can tell someone is lying in general. The better you know them, really know them, the harder it is for them to lie to you.

Also, if they have to keep making up things, it’ll be hard for them to stack made up stories on top of made up stories and keep track of everything, unless they are actually opening up to you for real.

Most guys will probably deflect or change the subject and get into it, especially if the conversation is steering towards a heart-to-heart talk.

If you can get to the point of having real heart-to-heart talks, then that would be a good indication that they’re serious. Since it’s difficult to fake that depth of sincerity. For them to truly bare their soul to you for weeks and months.

You can also let them know that you only sleep with people that you’re in exclusive committed relationships with.

I’ve never slept with a girl before knowing them for longer than 3 months AND after getting into a committed exclusive relationship with them.

A guy who is serious will understand if you want to take things slow, because you’re still taking time to get to know each other.

Also, another thing is that it’s hard for a guy to keep up an act, the longer something goes.

I think 90+ days is a good time range to closely observe a guy to look for any inconsistencies between what he says and what he does. Pretending to be someone you’re not for 90+ days is going to be difficult unless you don’t interact much.

So, long story short. It’s like catching someone in a lie. The better you know them, the easier it is to tell when they are lying and when they are not. And it’s easier to lie about surface level things rather than deeper things like talking about their views on life, love, their values and WHY.

[dynamicyandere]

change the subject and not get into it*

[dynamicyandere]

@Bkotgvv For example, it’s going to be much easier to talk about their hobbies than to deep dive for 2 hours talking about their views on marriage and the importance of honesty and integrity and family and what it was like experiencing childhood trauma and how that has shaped their views on marriage and the importance of sincerity, etc.

It’s going to be much harder to pull something like THAT out of thin air rather than talking about what school they went to or something.

Especially over 3 months, talking regularly. That’s a lot of lying and making sure all their stories line up.

Also, during that entire time, they will have to “maintain frame” if they’re faking everything. The longer one goes, the more difficult it is to maintain a facade.

[dynamicyandere]

@DubiousIntentions Lol, you know what I mean. Tricked AS IN taken advantage of. Whimsical tricks in the name of good fun is of course fine. 👻

[dynamicyandere]

@Peoplekfifjf I’ve always been the pursuer, or the initiator at least, when it comes to relationships, and I haven’t had any problems.

Once things are initiated though, it becomes more of a back and forth dance, rather than feeling too one sided though. I see value in her and she sees value in me. Neither of us act as if we are too good for the other — as that just comes off as arrogant.

So, I don’t see anything wrong with being more passive.

The respect part though. Any guy that you’re considering a serious relationship with should be giving you at least a basic level of respect and common decency. If they don’t, that’s a red flag.

It’s good to look for confident men with a backbone, but it’s also important that they’re also gentlemen.

[dynamicyandere]

@spartan55

“Everyone shows you who they are, usually very early.”

Men who ‘play’ women always hide their true intentions though. Even within the pick-up-artist community, their whole thing is about pretending to be someone they’re not and fooling women into sleeping with them. They put up a facade.

And if they are a true Don Juan, they will be even better at holding a facade for longer.

The more skilled the seducer, the harder it is to see through their illusions.

If you’re talking run-of-the-mill Joes then yeah, they don’t try very hard to trick.

The OP was asking about people who fake it though. And that’s where reading between the lines and catching cracks in their facade is important.

Yes, one must pay attention as you say. But depending on who they’re dealing with, it may be simple or quite challenging.

[dynamicyandere]

Let’s keep things civil everyone. No need to be mean-spirited.

[spartan55]

@dynamicyandere
I agree with what you are saying, but I don't think these hardcore player types are very common.

[dynamicyandere]

@spartan55 True, advanced players aren’t very common. In most cases men aren’t going to have that level of rizz. It’s still good to look out for though, especially if someone has been having a history of getting played. They need to learn how they’ve been played and what signs to look out for next time. Otherwise, they’ll keep repeating the same mistakes.

[Sunssong]

@Bkotgvv I've had women try to use me for sex and when I don't give it they just leave and it hurts. It makes you angry. But just try to remember that it's the sex urge driving that. Normal people don't just wake up and desire to fuck someone over for no reason. The sex urge undermines one's reason and make people do awful things to others. @Horror_lover92 @lovesoad1 @leahzrc @Monalisa77 I can't really imagine how it is for girls because I imagine you question literally every guy's intention due to the increase in frequency of people using you for the physical.

I feel like a religious man wouldn't do this, someone with less experience may not either, a good guy (probably rare though) too. Look at a guys history. Have you guys tried waiting to have sex with them until a certain amount of time or spiritual marriage. I can't imagine a guy that just wants sex is gonna wait 6 months. I've heard the 3 month rule.

[Horror_lover92]

For me, due to every guy I met, just wanted sex honestly. At first I thought well maybe because it's online dating, so my guy friend set me up on a date with his friend and after hanging out just literally 1 day of hanging out he started touching me and wanting to do something. And then my friend uncle his friend was acting interested but at least he was being honest and straight forward that he just wanted sex from me because " he never had sex with a black woman " and it was like a fantasy of his. Sadly that made me think that's every guy intention was when they ask me out, some lied and some was honest.

[leahzrc]

Majority of the time it is like that. I wouldn't flirt so hard

[Bkotgvv]

It hurts

[Monalisa77]

Yup, i dont even turn when he's staring

[Inbox]

@Bkotgvv I am so sorry for how you feel. It does suck knowing you're just a tool. I do approach a lot of women and I always make it clear of what I want from her so that I'm not leading her on or setting the right expectations. Unfortunately, even if I tell the girl in a smooth way not once, but over three times (even in writing over texts) of what I want, sometimes, women don't seem to catch on. Was it possible that you misread or was he blunt about wanting to be with you?

[leahzrc]

@Inbox we know what you want. Whether you are explicit about it or nah. The problem is you men, not us. Cut your dicks off if all you want to do is spend your whole life using it

[Inbox]

@leahzrc Do the world a favor, don’t breed - you are the definition of a walking red flag.

[Inbox]

@Peoplekfifjf She started the fight, oh but wait, you can start the drama, but when you get a taste of your own medicine, it’s a crime against humanity. Get lost.

[Inbox]

@Peoplekfifjf Coming from the woman (typical low IQ one) whose mother 100% guaranteed dropped her on her head during childbirth, it seems I have to remind you that you started this - don’t start a fight you can’t handle Sherlock

[leahzrc]

I aborted child because I didn't want to breed with a man like you

[Inbox]

We never had sex and I’d sooner never have sex again then look at that face of yours

[Inbox]

@leahzrc

[leahzrc]

I wouldn't breed with a loser like you

[Inbox]

@leahzrc Is this your best? Repeating what others say? Your level of insults clearly reflects that IQ, but that’s what happens when it’s someone civic duty to bend over as an ass kisser

[leahzrc]

Repeat what I am calling you a loser, jackass

[Inbox]

@leahzrc The only jackass here jd one whose IQ and face looks like a donkey born from the shit she took this morning shitface

[Inbox]

*is the one

[leahzrc]

hide your ugly face you poor shell of a man

[Inbox]

Aww, does that make you feel tough? I can’t blame you though - inbred families do break mirrors when they look at them 😂😂😂

[leahzrc]

you should have told me you were inbred before, because I am fueling your mentally retardation

[leahzrc]

suck my toes Inbox

[Inbox]

No, the inbreds from Satanic morons who worship dolls with goat's blood is the true definition of mental retardation. Who sucks on toes? Oh that's right, wannabe devil worshipers

[leahzrc]

You worship the devil, fuck goats, have a pussy , and your inbred. What else would you like to add to your resume?

[Inbox]

Hmm, you stare at children, worship the devil, fuck goats, have a pussy, and you're inbred, anything else hmm?

[leahzrc]

Children are hideous to look at just like you

[Inbox]

Interesting, I guess only a child like you from an inbred family would think that huh?

[leahzrc]

My parents are from completely different countries lmao

[Curiousminds2017]

I’m flattered because I know the only reason they are taking me out is to get laid.
It’s up to me to decide if I want to be laid by him or not. If I decide, Yes I do then it’s up to me when, how and where I want it to take place.

So, no, my feelings would never be hurt if I finally figured out how adults interact with each other;)

[Monalisa77]

Im concerned about this atm... Trying to be open minded about it

[Anonymous]

No. Because if you have half a brain in your head those guys should be pretty obvious to spot.

If you're too up in your feelings to notice then you kind of deserve what happens. If you're over 25 there's no excuse for being this immature.

[ohmyguy]

Um u might take that into consideration before accepting the date... sex is a significant motivating factor.. if you were unclear about that its a shame.. all though if it your first meet up.. he over calculated is capabilities

[Monalisa77]

So its a rul3 a girl must sleep with a man on the first date? lol

[MrOracle]

No, not at all. But she should not accept a date with a man she doesn't see a possibility of sleeping with. She needs to understand that sex will ALWAYS be among the goals of the man - and in many cases, the only goal. It's her job to set boundaries and expectations up-front and to filter through the men quickly, without stringing them along for dates and attention. Men don't want to be used for their time, attention, and money anymore than women want to be used for sex.

[Monalisa77]

I dont think thats fair either, a date should b a way to decide if you want any future dates or intimacy with that person, accepting one date shoulnt mean that, were allowed to end the dates at any pt without sleeping with them

[MrOracle]

You misunderstood what I wrote. I don't expect a girl to sleep with the guy on the first or even the 5th date. But if she knows before she even accepted the date that she's never going to sleep with the guy, then she is wrong and dating under false pretenses. And if she decides in the middle of date 3 that she'll never sleep with him, she needs to tell him she doesn't have romance feelings for him and doesn't see things moving forward. You can't complain about honesty when you aren't honest yourself.

[Monalisa77]

Well i dont know if ill ever b able to do it i still don't think its fair that sex has t b the b all n end all

[lildkman1090]

Yeah some guys are seriously users and it’s very frustrating

[DubiousIntentions]

I don't know, did it work for him with you? 🤔

[historectomy]

as a dude a lot of dudes just wanna bang, usually they only stick with a girl that can really hold their attention

[Anonymous]

Women of the past understood this all very well, and they behaved accordingly, which benefitted women.

Why is it that today's women have no clue about it?

[BigDog1989]

isn't that what "dating is" though. To find out who you're SEXUALLY compatible with

[shades777]

every man wants to get laid Eve, duh - God, probably.

[Lovesoad1]

Well no it doesn't hurt cuz your 34 and by now you should know most men are Dicks.

[spartan55]

@peoplekfifjf
Not your fault at all.

[Lovesoad1]

@spartan55 I am getting back into dating and I am aware that 90% will just want an easy fuck. At 34 you should know that men are like that. It's a learning experience for the future

[spartan55]

Start having more to offer than just sex.

[desidoll]

Lol, if the guy intention is to get laid, there is nothing she can do to change his mind. She can be the most successful woman in the room and still get used for sex.

[Monalisa77]

Well he won't b getting it from me if thats his intention

[spartan55]

Every guy wants sex. Don't delude yourself.

[Monalisa77]

Ye that's not happening at least not right away and its 1 of the reasons im not taking his just flirting bull

[spartan55]

Maybe pick better quality guys?

[Monalisa77]

But i just can't buy a guy would look at me n think i want to sleep with her, its just not believable

[Monalisa77]

He started flirting with me randomly n people who know him say he's really nice

[spartan55]

Why is it not believable? That doesn't even make sense. I guess you don't think I know what I'm talking about when I say ALL guys want sex.

[spartan55]

What does being 'really nice' have to do with it?

[Monalisa77]

With me i highly doubt it. I dont generally get guys hitting on me. My cousin doesn't think he would set out to use me

[Monalisa77]

But does that mean they can't genuinely like girls?

[Monalisa77]

Im also v vulnerable, where a if a man got me alone they could easily take advantage of me when im in a bit of a state, and I've got a lot of money too which would b plus for them to want to go after me, so it shows im not that kind of girl guys will suddenly think shed b amazing sexually or something

[spartan55]

I'll address you replies in order: I don't get what you mean 'they can't genuinely like girls'. You think a guy can't like you and want sex too? Again, makes no sense.
What do you mean you are 'vulnerable' in a certain state? How would guys know about that?
You (or your family? having a lot of money means absolutely nothing to most guys. And it's certainly not a reason to go after you. You have some very odd perceptions on dating and relationships. Is your age correct? Do you have dating experience?

[Monalisa77]

Itd b obvious, i get highly emotional n my speech isn't v good, i nred a lot of help n im with my parents 99% of the time

[Monalisa77]

Yes my age is right n no I've never been on a date which is y my pt keeps getting proved, guys don't go after me, if i tell some1 a guy is flirting with me or seems interested i get told its all in my head

[Monalisa77]

I had a guy in college only went after me cos he wanted to show off n that he was gay, had no intention of asking me out, which is partly y id never give into guys chasing me for a shag

[Monalisa77]

Guys used to laugh at me in college n taking the piss asking me out, been bullied pretty much most of my life. Im even paranoid my mum would pay a guy to go out with me, my self esteem is pretty low

[spartan55]

@Monalisa77
I'm sorry to hear you have been bullied. I can see it in how you talk about yourself that your self esteem is in shambles. Have you tried seeing a therapist about these issues. I'm not aware if mental health care in the UK is a realistic option or not.

[Monalisa77]

No pt cos nothing would change im just trying to go out as much as I can n meeting new people

[spartan55]

Do you have a good support system?

[Monalisa77]

Not really, my family only really put up with me. Even some professional people dont wanna know, keep getting knockbacks everywhere

[clampfan101]

How could it not?
Selfish idiots…