If a woman rejects you via text would you read or ignore it?

[Anonymous]

On whatsapp would you just never read it?

So I rejected a guy and he has left me on unread. It was a date I cancelled.

We used to talk on the phone for hours. I did let him know a week in advance that I couldn't go due to personal issues.

Updates

+1 y

We live in different cities also guys. I'm north of Spain and he's south

Updates

+1 y

We've been on 4 dates before

[AmandaYVR]

The guys are reacting the way they are here because you used the verb "rejects". But then in your replies you explain that you do care, and did not want to stop contact. "I don't want to bother him but I also want to show I care? Or just leave it?"

But from his perspective, you weren't interested in or attracted to him enough to make good on that date. He FEELS rejected, but you didn't INTEND to reject him/end all contact.

Of course it's up to you to make the situation right. You're being too reticent, when by you communicating your true feelings, you could fix the situation, or at the very least, make him feel better about it. Even if HE no longer wants to have contact with you, he is basing that on an incorrect interpretation of your actions/behaviour. You can't rely on men to bear the weight of all communication issues, conflicts, etc. If you weren't interested in him, then this would be the end. Right now, you've made him feel bad so he might never want to return. But you have influence over how this ends... or doesn't. And like I said, even if it does end, you owe him the courtesy and compassion to explain that you genuinely had a personal issue, and "It was nothing about you. I promise." This is a misunderstanding -- the stuff of sitcoms and light romcoms -- but this time, it's real life, and his feelings are on the line. So go fix it.

[Asker]

What would you say to him

[AmandaYVR]

You're focusing too much on the fact that your last message still shows as unread. Like @Longshanks1968 said, the guy could have just happened to be looking at his phone when you sent your message, so he's already read it. That's definitely a possibility.
Or, it could mean that he is really done with you. But think about why that is. Don't focus on your own insecurity or not wanting to be demonstrative or reveal how you feel. That's a part of life. If you never risk, you'll never gain. And if things just get handed to you or dropped in your lap, you don't appreciate them as the things that you really worked or risked for.

I strongly urge you to stop thinking about your own feelings, and feeling rejected (or that anyone was "rejected" - that's an unnecessary label, especially here), and think about what he might be feeling right now. (As is good practice with all types of relationships, not just romantic.)

Here, I just wrote this, this morning. These are some examples of what to say when ghosted, but your case is different. You have a pretty good idea why he stopped contact.
Is it bad to wanna know why someone ghosted? Do you ask? ↗

If it were me, I'd message him and say something like, "I'm sorry for how things may have appeared. I totally get that you might be hurt, thinking I didn't want to see you, but I really did, and do, want to see you. I miss you, and I hope you can forgive me for cancelling that day. How can I make it up to you?"

And then you might need to clarify and be specific about why you cancelled. You'll have the best chance of convincing him you're being genuine if you tell him what your "personal reason" for cancelling was. Even if/especially if it's embarrassing. Because everyone wants truth, not to be lied to. And it's very easy to come to the conclusion that something said was just an excuse. So, by you being vulnerable to him, you may gain his trust back.

[AmandaYVR]

That's no guarantee he'll want to continue. And there exists the possibility that he has already chosen not to continue with you.
Your update says you've been on 4 dates. Your initial write-up gave the impression that you cancelled before ever meeting in person. This is now different.
It could be that he doesn't think you two are compatible - for whatever reasons, perhaps related, or unrelated, to you cancelling. Is he that sensitive that in 1 out of 5 times, you cancelled?
But you can't focus on that. You have to fight for the people and relationships you want. If you make a mistakes, or hurt others, you have to communicate about that. You don't have to kiss their feet, but you must take accountability, and work through it. People give up too easily nowadays.
One way or another, maybe you owe him an apology, and some clarity, so there are no misunderstandings. Start with misunderstandings, and possible communication issues. Once you work your way through those, or eliminate them as possibilities, you can move on to the next part, which is apologizing, and stating your feelings, and then seeing if the other feels the same, underneath their hurt or anger.

[Asker]

Thing is, I sent an indepth message about my personal issues that he is already aware of

[Asker]

Thank you for your answers though, very appreciated

[AmandaYVR]

Giiirl, you need to include all of these details when you post your q!
Honestly, the more details you give, the more it's sounding like he has all the info he needs/wants, and he's not into this situation anymore.

But you're welcome, and I do wish the best for you, whether that is fixing it, or moving on with a clear conscience.

[1sexyrobot]

Bearing in mine that you've already communicated that you had a real life personal issue, and he's just not interested in communication, he may have met someone else who's closer and more easily accessible or is a megalomaniac who doesn't care if you cancelled the date because of a dying relative or to visit your sick grandma. If he were a good guy, he'd be worried about whats going on with you and offer emotional support. I know you're only a few dates in, but people who are kind and understanding are kind and understanding even when they don't know you at all. Forget him. He did you a favor.

[jackki3421]

Just ask yourself first. What do you really want? U said you reject him. But you still care about why he unread or read your rejection. So if you really want to reject, just let it be.

On the other hand, the way he react is depend on how you texted him about your rejection.

If I were that guy...

I will read and will say goodbye if you texted me politily. If you reject me in rude way, I will just block you.

On the other side of opinion, you had a luck missed with a guy who don't wanna put much effort to meet you. (But like u said you guys are not a serious one)

Just keep your energy for the worth one.

[Asker]

He's been wanting to meet for ages but I guess he feels let down.
Do you think he's angry?

[adam6402]

So why are you ignoring him? He was mad that you canceled the date so he ghosted you for a bit. He has reason to do that, but what's your reason for ghosting him back? If you like him, show it to him and make things right between the 2 of you. Not reaching out to him is only fueling the fire and making him more upset about canceling the date.

[Asker]

He's mad at me. I don't want to anger him further or bother him

[adam6402]

Not texting him is only going to make him more mad. He'll be overthinking it and making it so much worse than it needs to be. Get back in contact with him, be respectful of his feelings, apologize for upsetting him, and make things right between you.

[Asker]

He hasn't read it which makes me think he wants nothing to do with me

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

He is done with you. Personally I would do the same. If I shoot my shot and get rejected, then no more contact. I have enough actual friends so I am not going to add another. I keep those two completely separate between dating interests and friends.

He was interested in actual dating. You rejected him so that tells him he isn't interested so why continue contact?

[SolitarySolace]

If I were stupid enough to even ask a woman out these days, regardless of whether it’s I’ve text or in person, I would ignore her rejection. I prefer to stay single anyway. It’s too much stress to worry thinking my partner would be cheating on me after the others I’ve been with in the past all have.

[Anonymous]

You’re talking about a date date. Not rejecting him as in you don’t see like him as more than a friend? If that was the case I’d respond. Especially if I knew in advance you couldn’t make it. Now if it was cause you were going out w some other dude than no.

[Asker]

It was a date. Not him, himself

[Asker]

It's been a week and he hasn't even read it

[Opinion Owner]

Obviously he’s mad. No way you couldn’t see that for an entire week. You do like him yes?

[Asker]

Yes I do. Is he mad or sad? Either way he hasn't opened it. I just don't know if I should say something else

[Asker]

I don't want to bother him but I also want to show I care? Or just leave it?

[Longshanks1968]

He doesn't have to open it to read it, in notifications a person can read some or all of the message and it will still show as unread

[Asker]

@Longshanks1968 why is he ignoring me

[Opinion Owner]

Because a part of him is mad, as well as hurt. So he’s going to act like a child by not responding. Hopefully nothing has happened to him. Do you know him really well?

[greyislife]

Did you truly reject him or say you needed to reschedule? If you have no interest in seeing him again then don't worry about it.

[Asker]

It was a long message about my personal issues he didn't even read the whole thing
It's unread so he obviously just read the preview

[Nikki1989]

Smart people never text.

[RavVid]

I think it is safe to assume he has low enthusiasm.

[User746283]

I would respond and ask if everything is ok. I wouldn’t assume that you’re rejecting me but rather a personal issue would come up and I would reschedule. I think he assumed you were just rejecting him, you might’ve avoided a bad thing.

[love_conquers_lust]

Texting, the killer of context. Did you make that known? You should have exchanged phone numbers at this point.

[Longshanks1968]

If a woman rejects you via text, she should grow up before attempting another relationship.

[Asker]

Cancelled a date due to personal issues, not him, himself

[Longshanks1968]

Huh?

[Asker]

I cancelled the date. I didn't say I don't like HIM

[Longshanks1968]

Oh sorry I guess I was confused when you said you REJECTED him.
Lol my bad
You should probably cancel a date via phone or in person to be assured that it is known and the person doesn't feel they were stood up.

[Asker]

Why hasn't he read it though?

[Asker]

I told him a week in advance

[Longshanks1968]

He doesn't have to open it to read it, in notifications a person can read some or all of the message and it will still show as unread

[Longshanks1968]

I think your best action here would be to follow Amanda's advice

[Jdodkfndosn]

How would you know she's rejected you unless you read it? I'm confused

[LiamJHayden]

I don't ask women out via text or app, so all of my many rejections have been in person.

[JHAYES317]

I would skim it and then say, “thanks for letting me know. Have a good life”.

[Mangospacho]

It’s in writing so it’s nonnegotiable and official. It’s hard to ignore something like that.

[JonesT10Apr]

I will read and wish never happen again... try to contact her and apologize

[Asker]

He hasn't even read it

[Longshanks1968]

Apologize for what?

[Slim57]

I mean I'd read it, he probably did too, just didn't reply

[Asker]

It's still unread

[Tfeltner84]

First off if he didn't read it how does he k ow u rejected him?

[MrNameless]

Its very likely he gets notifications.. So he probably read it via notification.

[Yannae]

Read it. I need to know if it was a yes or no.

[DreamLife7]

Why does it matter? Just move on

[DreamLife7]

He doesn't like you

[Asker]

Because I cancelled the date?

[DreamLife7]

Ok? ?

[Djaay]

Read it , then egnore exactly in that order. Next

[Anonymous]

I would have to read it to know I was rejected

[Danny_dan92]

Both