Is he just not that into me?

[Anonymous]

I met a guy on a dating app back in August and went on many dates with him where we had a lot of fun and got to know each other. He kissed me but we never took it further because I made it clear I want an exclusive relationship before having sex. He came on really strong at first but then started taking longer than usual to reply to my texts. Then it got to the point where I hadn't heard from him in days which made no sense because he told me he really liked me and we had another great date prior to him pulling away a little. He even posted twice on social media about love having the power to heal a broken heart and that he has been doing the inner work after he opened up to me about his depression and lack of purpose when he isn't really the type to post much on social media. I asked him if he was over his ex wife he divorced years ago and he claimed he was but I couldn't help but wonder if he's really not over it. I acted immaturely and tried to make him jealous because I wasn't happy with being left on read for days. I told him I wanted to keep my options open because he couldn't meet my needs. He never responded to that text and blocked me. I texted him a month later apologizing for being so immature and the text above was his response. I just texted back "I understand" and he hasn't said anything since. Is he just not that into me?

Updates

7 mo

I made it clear on my profile I'm not looking for anything casual and even he put it on his profile he didn't want a hook up and wanted something serious...

[RavVid]

I don't think anyone entirely gets over their first long term post puberty relationship that fails. If you get what I am getting at. You are both in love with each other and good people but you bust.

You just can't have the same together forever confidence in the next relationship and when it has got as far as marriage it is far far worse. One of them has cheated or turned out to be a nagging toxic person or just expected marriage to have been more constantly exciting than a real world marriage can be for that marriage to have failed.

To be over a failed marriage would mean the slate is wiped clean and you didn't learn anything from it. You are one of those people who repeats the same mistake but expects different results each time.

I think it was excellent that you set the boundaries of no sex outside of an exclusive committed relationship because that is also the boundaries of a long term committed relationship. If a girl gives sex easily there is no need for commitment from the guy and he can have no confidence in her.

That is the flip side of where it seems to have gone wrong for you. I've known girls who have refused sex to a guy they are interested but given sex to guys they aren't really interested in.

On the guy side he has to suss out if you genuinely have standards or if you are a bitch. Don't take that personally but you know the joke that a slut does it with everybody whilst a bitch does it with everybody but you.

It is going to take some time to suss that out. He is really doing the same thing as you are with no sex till we are exclusive and committed but in the reverse. You are figuring if he is pump and dump and he is figuring if you are the type of girl that is worth putting resources into. Two sides of the same coin.

He got his answer when you tried to make him jealous. Not being harsh just realistic. I am also critical of him not responding for days that is relationship destroying but maybe his ex wife haunted him for a few days. Exes do that even though you shouldn't let them. You might have got a better result if you asked if he was OK and being concerned if he was depressed. A voice call instead of messaging.

Finally I want to say in our twenties we expect it to be rainbows and unicorns and we want that person with the magic wand for us. What I am learning is that I am leaving that 20's something R & U desire behind me and I am more capable of understanding what goodness for me is and to communicate that.

I hope this helps a little even if it may have seemed harsh in places but none of this stuff is easy. I guess your net summary by now will probably be he wasn't right.

Sincerely best wishes in your journey!

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to say. There’s many roads to this. He could genuinely be telling the truth about not being hurt again if he went through something like that. So rather than get to close he cut it off first before you could. Not saying you would have, but in his mind as well as most people who go through this they tend to think that way so they end it first. Could be that he just likes you sexually. I understand you wrote you didn’t want to have sex before such a time, but a lot of men go in w a challenge of trying to get women to do what you said you weren’t going to. So because of that, he realized you stuck to what you said now he’s not interested. Also what you said to him sort of just reinforced what he was thinking, getting hurt, you leaving him. The fact that you said you’re keeping your options open tells him she could easily leave me cause she has other men lined up. Not good.

[SueShe]

Why are you even surprised?

Are you the only one here that is oblivious to the fact that those dating applications are actually disguised pick-up sites. You should have been aware the second you starting getting males clicking on your profile (or whatever you call it when they like you).

You were history the second you told him and made him clear what you were not immediately interested in copulating. That is when he made the decision to call it a day and to drop you. Of course, he was gentleman enough to lie and say that he was at fault.

No, his is not into you as a human being but only into you as a sex object.

[Bethany22]

I think you both contributed to the downfall of that relationship. You should have just let him have his distance to let him feel whether he misses being with you or not, and he probably has too much baggage to be in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

The guy gave you a whole paragraph saying why it won’t work, and you’re still asking this. I think it’s a cop out because you said no to sex, notice how he totally pulled back when you took that off the table, he is not a good match.

[bros26]

😂😂

[Anonymous]

You said no for sex then you don't have anything to offer so yeah it's a deal breaker

[Anonymous]

Talk to him