Do men in general really think this way? Or are there just few of them?

Question

CalmUntilAbused · Accepted Answer

Well... Reproduction itself would usually mean just as much to women as it does to men... It's something we are hardwired to want to do in order to bring another generation of humans into this world. It is said that unlike women who feel this need once a month, men feel it constantly. I don't think it's true, as there are men that can easily focus on scientific experiments or engineering challenges instead of this primal drive. The correct rule would probably be that men are vulnerable to certain stimuli at all times (faced with a lack of these, though, they are more than capable of focusing on other goals. However, there are two problems worth mentioning. The first one is about the fashion. Contemporary women's fashion seems to follow a single rule: "the less is covered, as long as anything at all is covered, the better". This means that men are bombarded with the aforementioned stimuli at all times, which makes their brains go haywire. Even as they are working on some ambitious projects, a part of their brains is occupied with processing these stimuli. As the time goes by, they get overloaded, and they are in serious need of some relief, otherwise they might go crazy. That's a truly cruel kind of torture that starts up as a pretty natural phenomenon, and quite quickly escalates into a situation where leading a normal life is hardly possible for those affected. However, there's one more potential problem, and while the first one was mostly unintentional on the women's part, this one is certainly intentional. It is said that some women use "time in the bedroom" as a prize in a wicked conditioning aimed at men. If a man does what the woman wants him to, he can expect the "prize", if he does something the woman wants to rid him of, he's looking at a variable-length ban on the "prize". The man in this excerpt sounds a lot like an unsuspecting victim of this kind of ordeal. Mind You, his first argument is basically "I'm doing what I'm expected to". Now, the question is whether it was his previous relationship that was like this, and now that he's met with a sane woman who does not play such dirty tricks (and acts normal instead), he's shocked by the change, or is he currently in this kind of toxic relationship, but the requirements have simply gone up. In the latter case, this might have backfired on the psychopath tormenting and conditioning him, as he's most likely interested in divorcing her, but in both cases it's quite apparent that he's been robbed of his ability to lead a normal life.

WindAtMyBack · Accepted Answer

It's not that easy to answer. This guy is obviously frustrated and ranting, so the tone is pretty harsh.

Is there an expectation of sex in marriage? Of course there is. There is some unknown reason why this guy's wife doesn't have sex with him. Without knowing the reason, it's hard to talk about that specific case. Sex should not feel like a "duty" to her. It should be because she wants to, within a loving relationship. If it's not there, then something is wrong (with some exceptions).

This guy is frustrated. He's blaming his wife, when he could be the problem. Maybe it's her. Maybe it's him. Maybe it's both. But something is wrong. We have no way of knowing what it is.

But absolutely both men and women are going to expect sex and wonder what is wrong if it's not there.

If he is a traditional breadwinner, it would be easy to feel like he is being used, and maybe he is. I'm not one of those people who think all women are gold diggers, but they do exist. I have known some. I know one now who is using the hell out of her husband. He is nothing but a cash generating machine so she can live a life of leisure and shopping. She quit having sex with him three months into their marriage. She's been milking it ever since. She says she will divorce him, but she never does. She likes the money too much.

Again, there is no way of knowing what is going on in this guy's marriage, but something is wrong.

missCivi · Accepted Answer

it sounds like this specific guy is a huge hypocrite. he calls women lazy who don’t put out for their husbands, but he’s clearly unwilling to make any effort towards making sex with his wife romantic or pleasurable for her in any way. he is only concerned with his own pleasure and sees his wife as only an object for this purpose. clearly no understanding of what marriage should be as there’s no respect for his wife’s feelings at all, and i’m not sure why he even got married if he was just after a sex doll. luckily i think this mindset is pretty rare now except in very conservative environments, and i would like to think most couples discuss their long term expectations regarding important things like sex before trying the knot

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

This type of attitude is such a turn off. He's just trying to use his wife to get off real quick instead of making sex enjoyable for her. It's probably why she doesn't want to fuck him

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Actually I think that way... You Martied to Me if you don't give me 🍑 or "don't have time for me" or "you're tired", then something fishy is going on, and if i don't attract you then why the fuck should i Continue Supporting you, when you don't give 2 💩's about me anymore? Just for you to have the Assurance of Good living? Do i look like a Charity to you? Get your stuff and GTF out!!!🤷‍♂️

Effably · Answer

In general? Not really.

But I do understand the sentiment, if not the wording.

You married someone. You love this person. To you they are heaven on earth. You believe when marrying that you mean the same tl them. This is all fair.

This affection is often, at a fundamental level, expressed through intimacy. Not on demand, but certainly at times.

And then you go weeks, months, maybe years, of this person you love not wanting to be touched or touch you. Of course you will ask what is wrong. And of course you won't believe it is always just a sudden headache. Did they stop loving you? Are you now unattractive to them? Why are they with you? Is it only because you 'slave away' for a stable life?

I don't think most men think this way. But picture yourself marrying guy. And then a year or two in he stops all sexual attention. Shuts you down whenever you initiate or flirt.
Of course people in, unwillingly, sexless relationships must be asking what is going wrong. Most just won't arrive at the answer lazy but sigh and figure they are not loved by their partner, even a bit.

Of course couples have on and off times. Of course people have things that can take them out of intimate action for extended periods of time. And or course most men are understanding and supportive of it. But everyone needs some kind of reaffirmation in a relationship to be happy.

Anonymous · Answer

The patriarchy is actually bad for men and women. Men who are red pill or black pill who are virgins complain about being women not having sex with them, but then they shame women for not being a virgin and sleeping around.

The red pill/black pill guys bitch about women and tradional gender roles because they are virgin losers and get mad when women don't want them. But these red pill/black pill guys pushing gender stereotypes is what's causing them to remain virgin losers.

Women don't approach men because the man's tradional gender role is to be the one to court the woman. She feels like if she has to be tradionally feminine the man needs to be tradionally masculine and she expects more out of the man.

I've dated liberal bisexual women and I had a few who approached me, they were opened to talking about things sexually, I didn't have to court them as much because they dealt with approaching women in the past and they understand how difficult it can be.

These red pill/black pill guys want patriarchy, but all it's doing is making women feel uncomfortable about expressing their sexuality with them. Which is why male virginity is on the raise. The more you try to oppress women's sexuality the more male virginity is going to increase.

The virgin red pill/ black pill losers guys are the way they are because are pushing for patriarchy. If they allow women to feel comfortable about themselves they wouldn't have to deal with the problems they've been going through. Women would change some of the negative behaviors that they've experience with women if they allowed women to be themselves.

SixFootSexy · Answer

I think most women don't communicate how their sexual arousal works, so men either have to figure it out through trial and error, or they go without. Going without makes men resentful.

Men and women get turned on very differently. Generally, men get physically aroused and we're immediately ready to go. Women have to get on the runway to excitement through their conversation, emotional and physical intimacy next before they want a sexual connection.

They don't teach you this in school and so many men are in the dark especially if they have zero experience other than the one woman they are with. So if she doesn't teach him and he's not learning it somewhere else, he'll think all women are like that. This guy seems clueless and unwilling to learn or communicate.

That said, if she's got hormonal issues or trauma to deal with, get that **** sorted and get to lovemaking again. If it's a dead bedroom after there are no obvious problems, then get the divorce for the neglect.

Lliam · Answer

It cracks me up how guys like this act like martyrs for having a job. Wouldn't they have to work even if they weren't married?
But they see marriage as transactional. They work and come home. "I had a hard day 😢😢😢" And they expect the wife to do everything else, including satisfying their brutish sexual demands. He thinks the wife is supposed to be grateful because he earns a living, but he takes her for granted. And his "five minutes of her time" thing proves that he has no idea about love, romance, affection, tenderness, sensuality and eroticism, let alone consideration or respect. I assume that he, himself, is sexually inept. Does he think that his dick is the only thing that is supposed to provide her with sexual pleasure? Chances are, he doesn't care about her erotic pleasure and doesn't even know what that is.

A douche bag like that probably insisted on marrying a virgin. But once married, he had no idea how to rock her world. "But I support her, so why doesn't she let me fuck her?"

His statement "Women are the laziest things on the planet" says it all.

He, himself, is emotionally stunted. How silly of her to want an "emotional connection". He thinks of her as a thing, like a servant or an appliance that should serve him because he's paying for it.

Anonymous · Answer

It sounds like frustration.

It's like if a guy was to ask you, "exactly how much enjoyment are you women getting out of denying your husband's sexual release".

If you're married you probably don't like that insinuation that you enjoy punishing your husband either. So to say "do guy really think this way". Is you not understanding why he said that or what he is feeling.

Every guy knows a woman typically hS to be "feeling it" to WANT to sleep with you. So. e will do it for lesser reasons it's just not thier preference (this assumes they're not just doing it as sexual currency). But sometimes something is FUNDAMENTALLY broken in a marriage. A woman never wants to feel like love is transactional. (You give me feelings of love, I give you sex). But over the length of marriage stuff can strain your partnership and pull you apart. Sex will always be a big part of marriage for a guy. Good women don't sleep with just any guy. They sleep with the man they love. Well, if she's unwilling to sleep with him anymore that's very telling about how much she currently loves him.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

No personally I see women as a valid and balanced importance to society, not a sex toy, if a man talks like that about a woman it shows their character, like all the work they are doing is exchanged for sexual intercourse, if a man takes care of a woman it should be out of love and care and support, thats all they should expect in return is those exact same things, love, care and support, if he's going to complain he should just not support her, I'm like 80% certain there's more to this and there's a reason she's being distant, judging by the paragraph he sounds like a controlling manipulative prick, if the reason he's doing it is for sex then he should've stuck to one night stands.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Most people get married with certain expectations of what they will contribute to a marriage and what they will get from a marriage, and I think most men expect that their wife will participate in a regular sexual relationship. If a woman does not want to have sex in a marriage, she should make that very clear to her boyfriend before they get married.

Not getting sex in a marriage is as disappointing to a man as it would be for a woman if her husband didn't want to work and provide the majority of the family's support.

This does not mean that a woman should be prepared to pull her panties down on demand whenever her husband wants sex. Of course there are times when she will not feel well, be too fatigued, etc. But, in general, each party to the marriage should try to satisfy their partner, whether the topic is sex, financial support, household chores, involvement with each other's family, etc.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

There's a lot to unpack there, so depends on what you mean by "this way." There are women that get married and soon thereafter freeze their husbands out of bed, sure, that happens. Did the guy get fat and stop changing his clothes? Maybe. But maybe she did, too. That's certainly not going to get the sparks flying. Absent a prenuptial contract, if the man cheats, he gets hosed in the divorce. The women is rarely going to be paying child support or alimony, so most men who are stuck in a sexless marriage don't have many options available to them. Personally, if my significant other tries to weaponize sex it doesn't work out in her favor. I'll still be having an active sex life, the only negotiation is if you'll be involved or not.

Anonymous · Answer

I definitely don't that person is disgusting creepy and idiotic. He's likley the reason his wife doesn't want to sleep with him. And it's not a person's job to do that just because they are married.

And I've never seen any vows that suggest otherwise.

The point of marriage is about completely commuting yourself to your partner and making an agreement that you care for and love each other for the rest of your life. If there is an issue that comes up you should talk about it and see why it's an issue to either person and if anything can be done about it. Not whatever delusional idiotic idea that guy has.

Lionman95 · Answer

I would say in general but there is a growing number of guys that do or at least they get more visibility than before the times of the internet. The issue is that society is turning more and more dysfunctional and people just looking for their own benefits neglecting other perspectives.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

I don't think the majority would be like that.

I don't know the context of his whole situation, but I get where he's coming from if he feels like he's doing everything and she's not stepping up for him, although that could apply to any other aspect of marriage too.

MrCommodore · Answer

No, a man can lose sexual interest in his wife also, so it works both ways.

For some reason in these cases the man or woman are no longer turned on by their spouse, it's probably frustrating for both people, not just the person who is frustrated at not getting sex anymore, the person not interested in sex probably still desires sex, just not with their spouse.

boggboss · Answer

Some men feel like this yes sometimes it's from inexperienced other times it's from a lack of intimacy in the relationship that turns them bitter towards women meh shit communication either way is the issue

Angelo75 · Answer

Well somehow the world is currently in a position where a lot of times marriages are unbalanced, based on wrong expectancies or one of the spouses weren't really honest to the other about their expectancies of the marriage.

Then "yeah" the stuff mentioned above tend to be the end result.

Andres77 · Answer

I don’t anyone who thinks this way. I can see his point, sorta. But “5-10 minutes of her time” is it to be intimate in a loving caring relationship or is it just to get his rocks off whether she enjoys it or not? If it’s just to use her body for his pleasure, then he’s not showing affection, he’s using her.
sounds like both of them need to grow up and remember that they should love each other, not take advantage of each other.

therapy could help.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

The premise is false, married women do have sex.

If the premise were true, he would be mostly correct. With the exception that sex is a mutual thing, its not something you earn or a job to fulfill, its just a basic partner interaction thats expected when married. And the exception that its not actually her being lazy, its her thinking he's ugly (in which case, she shouldn't have married him to begin with).

Miristheiss · Answer

LOL, lot's of bait and switch marriages.

Some women believe when they legally sign on for marriage, they signed a celibacy pact and will live sexless.

She got the ring and access to his assets now no more sex ever.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

no. its a incel on a divorce reddit sub. easiest "do not think that ingrate stands for a whole gender" ever.

Anonymous · Answer

the question is, why don't these women have sex with their husbands? the married guys i have slept with, the story is always the same, the sex stopped and they don't know what to do because they don't want to leave their wives

Juxtapose · Answer

Jesus Christ, only 15 minutes? This guy must just be getting it hard and ramroding it in like a jackhammer until he cums.

But at the same time yeah, if she's never giving you sex then don't whine about it. Find a different woman.

LiamJHayden · Answer

If the guy's focus is getting laid, it will come out in his attitude and what he "does" for her cannot overcome her sense that all he cares about is sex, not her. Why would someone who is treated like an object want to get close?

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

The guy that wrote that rant just married a woman that doesn't love him and she proves it by not being intimate with him. I think most men that are married are getting steady sex from their woman.

ColHathi · Answer

Seems like there are a lot of men thinking that way. Seems like there are a lot of women thinking that way too, tbh. It's wild. And no, I'm not one of them.

love_conquers_lust · Answer

He could have made a more sound argument if he had spoken about HIS wife and HIS marriage instead of trying to rally others. There are some details missing.

LazerBean · Answer

Just a bitter few, hence why he has to rant on Reddit.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Sadly yes some men are really that weak, insecure and generally just horrible people.

Anonymous · Answer

Luckily men are getting smarter, marriage is at its lowest rate in history.

Tstrbrainer · Answer

As far as I know from around me, sex sucks with the spouse.

Anonymous · Answer

No I am not so desperate for sex but I get his point though

Anonymous · Answer

Very few of them think these things, or at least in that way.

bowenw · Answer

I don't and can only speak for myself.

NathanDavis · Answer

I'm not inadequate myself

slatyb · Answer

My wife does whenever I show interest.

dudeinohio · Answer

Depends on the woman they are married to.

ThrillSeeker01 · Answer

A lot of them.

Do men in general really think this way? Or are there just few of them?

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