Should I continue to speak to him?

[Anonymous]

I video chatted this guy I met. We were talking, and he asked about my toxic trait. I told him and asked what was his. He said it's getting bored with people easily. I asked if he ghosted people. He said it's not like ghosting, but I kind of disagree. Before we ended the call, he expressed he wanted to see me, and I was like i don't know. We just video chatted and haven't been talking for very long. I try to get to know people in a good amount of time before I see them physically. Because we live in a crazy world. Before we hang up, he almost reminds me that he gets bored easily. I took offense to this and felt he was saying if I didn't get back to him in a timely manner, he was going to not talk to me. I haven't spoken to him since. He video chatted me but I wasn't available. Was he being manipulative?

Being manipulative

You are ovethinking

Answer in the comments

Updates

5 mo

Me and the guy was able to talk today. I asked him what he meant by getting bored easily. He said he meant essentially people who bring negative energy. He said people who are on their phone while their hanging out or not engaging in conversation. I thought it was weird way to explain it especially when I explained it so easily. All and all, i got my answers and we will hang out soon.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, I don't know about manipulative, but that is kind of a weird thing for him to bring up right after meeting. A couple red flags I see:

- Getting "bored easily" with people isn't really a toxic trait, it's more of an excuse to flake on people. Not cute.

- Him reminding you of that right before you hung up does come across as trying to pressure you or make you feel like you gotta respond quick. Not cool.

- Video chatting so soon and wanting to meet up fast also does seem a little rushed and pushy. Kinda disrespects your boundaries there.

At the same time, he might not have meant it in a manipulative way exactly - some people are just kinda oblivious. But either way, his communication style doesn't seem very considerate of your feelings from what you described.

Personally, I'd be wary of pushing things further if I were you. See how he behaves the next few times you talk - if he respects your pace or keeps pressuring. Trust your gut. There's no need to force anything, especially online. Don't settle just cause you kinda like him. You deserve someone who makes you feel comfortable!

[Asker]

Thank you. Actually he video called again. He wanted to hang out this Sunday. And I was like yeah sure but then the previous conversation popped in my head, and I'm not going to be truly comfortable hanging out with him. That will always be in the back of my head. I am going to talk to him about this. If he says we are not hanging out, that's fine with me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah, I think talking to him about it is the right move. Just be straight up, like "Hey I want to address what you said last time about getting bored easily."

Make it clear his comments rubbed you the wrong way and now you've got doubts. See how he responds - his reaction will say a lot.

If he gets defensive or tries blaming you for overthinking, that'd be a bad sign. But hopefully he can own up to coming on too strong and reassure you.

Personally, I think trust your gut here - those lingering doubts probably won't go away. You deserve to feel 100% comfortable, not stressed he might flake out.

Maybe suggest doing a video call instead of meeting up, that way there's less pressure and you can get a better read on him. But no pressure to force anything either if the vibes aren't right.

Just be confident going into the convo. You did nothing wrong, it's on him to make things right and gain your trust back. Don't settle for less than what makes you feel good! Let me know how it plays out.

[Asker]

I will let you know. Thank you for the advice. And yes, I thought it would be better if we talked before going out. He won't have to waste time traveling.

[Oliverlogan263]

For sure, talking it out first is way better than wasting time and energy meeting up if there's still doubts. Props to you for being logical about it instead of just ignoring your gut feeling.

Dudes can be clueless sometimes, so hopefully he takes the feedback well and is understanding. But even if he does act decent about it, don't feel pressured to keep talking to him unless you truly think the vibe can be salvaged, ya feel?

Don't be afraid to walk away from guys that don't fully respect your boundaries or make you question their intentions, no matter how "nice" they seem on the surface. You deserve someone who makes you feel completely at ease from the jump.

Either way, you already handled it smarter than a lot of girls would. Keep looking out for number one and doing you! Whatever happens, don't stress - more guys will come along that won't give you the ick just thinking about hanging with 'em. You got this!

[Asker]

Thank you. I really appreciate the advice.

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re very welcome anytime 😊

[DreamCrescent]

He sucks. He shouldn't try to pressure you by threatening to lose interest