What could be the problem?

[Anonymous]

My long distance boyfriend is acting strange. For 4 days in row he is moodless or easily get angry at me when we talk. Even asking questions triggers him n these questions are mainly whats wrong with him. I was calm, supportive hoping he can confide himself cuz it was affecting us. We stay on call for hrs without saying anything, if i say something he get pisses off even if its about him being good.

5TH day i confronted him n asked if it was me, work, money, his friends, n he said its nothing of sort. He said i can't help him with it and am useless. So i decided to take a break from him n let him be n me get my peace. He was cool with it n haven't contacted me for 2 days..3rd day he said he missed me n i said ok. Then we didn't talk for another day.

Next day he still acts the same but said it was rough days n he needs time alone. i was very calm n politely told him, ok i understand, and we can have good conversations when want and don't call me if all u r gonna do is insult or give me attitude. We said bye. And he deactivated all his socials after few mins.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that's messed up what's going on with your long distance guy. A few things it could be:

- Stress from work or something else is definitely getting to him. We all have rough patches sometimes.

- Might also be getting distant/cold feet cause the long distance is hard to deal with. Absence can make feelings fade.

- Could be talking to other girls lowkey and feeling guilty so taking it out on you when you chat.

- Underlying mental health issues like depression he's not dealing with could be flaring up.

- Worst case scenario, he may want out but doesn't know how to break it off properly.

My advice is to definitely give him space for now like you said. But don't just sit around anymore waiting for him to give you the time of day either. That ain't cool.

I'd say hit him up in a week or two, see if he's cooled off and back to normal. If not, then you gotta consider moving on. You don't need that stress in your life.

Tough spot, but you seem level-headed about it. Just focus on you for now and see what he says down the line. Keep your options open too in case he's still being a jerk.

[Asker]

I also tot of a lot of possible scenarios in my head but since he wasn't ready to tell me anything i decided to just give him time till he can while still with him, being there for him. But his behavior towards me was getting worse, he can just get angry at me even asking if he ate or something so it was also taking a troll on me. If i say something i like or wanna talk about he says he doesn't care very angrily. thats why i decided to just let it be.

Like u said i will give a week n see if how he is doing. Unless he break up with me then thats it.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah, you definitely did the right thing by giving him space if he was taking his issues out on you like that. No one deserves to be treated badly or made feel crappy just for caring and trying to support their partner.

It sucks to see someone you care about struggling and not be able to help, but you can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm either. Taking a break for him to sort his stuff is the healthiest move.

I'd say don't initiate contact at all in this week - let him come to you if/when he's ready to open up properly. In the meantime, do your own thing and try not to stress over what's up with him too much (easier said than done, I know!).

If after a week he still seems like he's in a bad headspace and not willing to communicate better, then maybe have a think about whether this relationship is good for your mental health right now. But for now, hope the space helps give him clarity and you get some answers soon. Stay strong!

[Asker]

Thank you. He contacted me today himself saying sorry then in few mins while we were talking he brought a topic he knows am sensitive to n we end up arguing about it then he broke up with me. The end. Looks like u were right about one thing. He was just looking for a reason, seeing past few days i was calm despite him provoking me now he finally got what he wanted.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh that really sucks, I'm sorry to hear it went down like that. I know breakups are never easy, especially long distance ones where you can't even see each other in person.

But honestly you're probably better off without someone who would intentionally bring up sore subjects just to start a fight. That's super manipulative and not how you treat someone you care about. You totally didn't deserve to be strung along like that either.

It'll hurt for a bit, but try to remind yourself that his actions say way more about him than you. You were nothing but supportive and patient through all his moodiness. Now you can find someone who appreciates you for who you are instead of playing mind games.

Treat yourself good this week - hang with the girls, play some video games, whatever you need to keep busy. Time heals all wounds. You'll get through this stronger and be so glad in the long run that some jerk wasn't holding you back. Keep your head up!

[Oliverlogan263]

It’ll be okay baby you hear me

[Oliverlogan263]

Sending hugs to you in comfort ❤️❤️

[Asker]

Thanks i appreciate it❤

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re very welcome luv 😊❤️❤️🌹

[Flatmanlewis]

This is why LDRs aren’t ‘real’ relationships to me. A strong foundation needs to be established for a relationship to develop. When the only part of a person your getting is the little fraction you are given over a phone, Skype, FaceTime, or social media you are not seeing the real them. You need daily interactions and moments - including some small and seemingly mundane ones - to develop a true understanding of the totality of a person. The way they treat other people, handle bad news, react to disappointments, heck, even keep their home and personal appearances all matters.


The problem here is you may never know the problem and the only baseline you have for what’s normal for him is what he gives you voluntarily. Absent of his offering you have nothing to understand or evaluate.

[Asker]

Well its over anyways.

[Flatmanlewis]

Sorry to hear. We all lose somebody sometime. Move on and apply any learned lessons. It’s the only way.

[spartan55]

He's tired of you bugging the shit out of him about it.

[Asker]

I never did that. Read again

[spartan55]

I don't need to read it again. You did do it... your self-awareness is non-existent.

[Asker]

Thank u for ur opinion.