Why are men so comfortable living like slobs?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years, going on 3. He checks all the boxes on being a hard worker, not a crazy man, faithful, trustworthy, loving, emotionally intelligent, etc. The one thing that just internally ticks me off is his cleanliness. In the past he’s lived with roommates who were just as bad as him with cleaning but I overlooked it because I felt like I couldn’t put the entire blame on him nor did I feel like it’s my place. I still don’t feel like it’s my place to bitch and moan about it because we are not married nor do I try to pick up after him because I don’t pay rent and we don’t live together. I stay in my lane on things like that until we are married but I know this will be something I will have to battle when we do get married. He’s even asked me to hold him accountable for him to stay on top of cleaning. What makes it worse is his landlord threaten to evict him if he don’t clean (he cleaned immediately with complaints about cleaning). I don’t understand why men are so comfortable living like slobs? You clean at your jobs but can’t clean at home? Y’all wonder why some of us women get mad when we’re cleaning. Again, I try to stay in my lane about this because I am not his mother who cleans when she visits him and definitely ain’t no damn maid. Shit like this pisses me off internally. I love him to death it’s just this one thing that which is cleaning!!!

[Anonymous]

"He checks all the boxes on being a hard worker, not a crazy man, faithful, trustworthy, loving, emotionally intelligent, etc." he didn't give a shit if you and him were going to get kicked out out the street, so emotionally intelligent, trustworthy, faithful and hard worker is unchecked. I am lazy, but I've never been threatened with evictions in my entire life. Your place must have smelled like shit if the landlord is telling you to clean up.

It also sounds like you're just free-floating in emotions because you're in love, which is impairing your judgement, and @lazerbean also notices how bad his behavior is, so you should check the "crazy man" box. As for loving, it is hard to tell because you're free-floating in emotions and letting lousy behavior slide, but maybe he is a loving guy, so you can keep that one checked with a "maybe" written next to it.

In his defense you mentioned that he cleans all day at his job. I don't what he does. If you spend 40 hours a week as janitor cleaning up or a garbage man all day and you get home you're going to be feeling like shit. You're tired from pushing your body to limit. You're going to have any energy to workout. And I don't if you have a job, but going home forcing your body to cook yourself a meal and then cleaning right after is going to be a pain. Since you're asking why he doesn't clean he goes home it's because he is tired as fuck.

I don't know if you're working which it sounds you don't because you seem to get why someone would extremely tired after working all day then that means you need to be the one cleaning the house and stepping it up. If he's busting his ass off to pay your bills you need to do something. He is taking care of you, another adult. Especially if he is doing physical work. And if this is true you can also check off empathy and emotional intelligence off your box because you can't understand why someone would be tired from driving a garbage truck, lifting heavy bags of garbage, or cleaning a building, or hanging from a strap wiping down windows from a 700 foot building.

I don't work physical labor, but I can tell that those guys most tired as hell and have no energy to go to the gym or do some basic task. especially if they have injuries.

[Monalisa77]

She doesn't live with him?

[Telekinetic-Potato]

It's totally your place as his girlfriend to tell- demand that he keeps a minimal level of cleanliness.

Would he be out of his lane telling you to take a shower if he went to eat you out and it smelled like fish?

I bet he's never had to.

You've already proven you love him for who he is to his core, but just like a man, a woman's role in a romantic relationship is to build the man up into his best version. You staying on top of him is a perfect example and the respect you obviously approach the situation with is why you're qualified. Just like him encouraging you to stay on top of him is building you up.

If you wait till you get married to get on top of him, his perspective on your actions will not be the same and he will almost certainly resent you for it eventually.

If you start now, it can be a natural part of the relationship, don't wait until it comes from a place of anger or being sick of him.

If he's telling you to stay on top of him, my bet is he loves you for your heart, so listen to yours.

[laly520]

not all of the men, some do work really hard n want to do better
the ones who want to be slobs either they r naturally that way or they were raised to be like that

[EmyyWolf]

I’m breaking up immediately.
Disorganization stresses me out completely.

[lightbulb27]

this isn't a "men" thing, it's a "man" thing.

you do need to address this and if have to, visit a therapist.

There are differences in "clean"... some people are over the top and some people just don't care. In my experience, it's poor training and momma doing everything for him rather than teaching responsibility. But it may be he has other priorities and doesn't care.

Either way, it's a serious problem and you are right, you need to raise it as it will stress you out. I've seen this blow up relationships.

at least he isn't a hoarder...

[WindAtMyBack]

I could ask the opposite question. Why do some people care so much about being clean? Like seriously, why does it matter? I can sort of see it where food is prepared, but even then it's not a big deal.

For some reason cleanliness is considered a good trait, but I don't know why. I grew up in the outdoors; camping, traveling, hiking. I slept on the ground, cooked over a campfire, took a shit leaning against a tree and cleaning with leaves or whatever else was available. I washed the dishes in the creek and used sand or mud to scour them. If some food fell on the ground during cooking, I'd brush it off and eat it - better than going hungry because of a little bit of dirt.

Throwing my clothes on the floor is nothing. What difference does it make? The difference is that people THINK it makes a difference. But they could not give a reason other than "just because". Saying that clean is good because clean is good is not a reason.

As for this being a guy thing, I have always heard that girls are messier than guys. From what I've seen that is true. The messiest people I have known were girls, by far. Girls also tend to be the biggest hoarders.

[A_Bell]

Anyone who's seen a girl's bathroom knows the cleanliness thing is a myth.

[Lionman95]

I have a theory concerning to this topic and it´s unpopular: Moms are more likely to clean after their sons than after their daughters. So the reason so many guys live comfortablely like slobs is because they didn´t learn to clean and later adjusted to being messy. Since it´s easier to avoid a problem and then confront and solve it.
As you describe his mom cleans when she visits so my theory your guy is comfortable because he learned from a young age that someone else will clean up afterwards. It was a problem I also when I moved out since I grew up with an overprotective mum that in my youth told to vacum clean my room and did it when I didn´t do it quickly enough.
I think therefore if he asks you again to him accountable do it because it might help him break a habit he developed in his youth. The only way I see for him to break the habit is when he comes in a situation where he has to change.

[RingOfFire]

Guy's brains are different. Being neat around the home is not something they care about as much. They like it that way, but their minds spend their time on other things. It's just the way they are. That's why they really appreciate having a woman around to pays attention to this stuff and cares about the little details that guys don't even notice.

Guys LIKE to have a nice neat, clean place to live. But it isn't a priority to them. Still they appreciate it when someone else takes that responsibility and helps them achieve that.

90% of guys who live alone long enough, or with other guys are slobs because that's just the way their brain works.

[MarkDown]

Not saying you shouldn't be concerned (cause you clearly should) and that there isn't a problem (cause there clearly is) but all you have to do is watch the right episode or two of the show "Hoarders" to understand that it is not just a "man" thing. There was some lady on one episode that had piles of stuff so high in her house when her kids got outside intervention (the state she lived in was about to condemn her house,) and they started clearing out stuff and going thought it, the found where a cat had passed away in her house. She was so overrun with clutter she didn't even notice the poor animal had passed and was covered up with trash.

[Summeroflove]

“Why are men” there’s your first problem. Not all men are the same. There are men who are clean freaks and women who are slobs.


If you have a problem with your boyfriend. Take it up with him don’t go behind his back. You need to talk about things before things get serious to the point of moving in or marrying.


Ask him why he does what he does and talk to him about it. Stop going behind his back to complain. Only he knows why he does what he does

[rigmarole]

Sounds like a personal problem. Try to stop gripping that stick you have lodged up your ass with your sphincter so damn hard. Maybe slide it out and throw it away. Different people live in many different ways. Respect his space. If you live together, then clean the house to your standards on your time. He's never going to be a clean freak regardless of how much bitching you do.

[Anonymous]

It's not just a guy thing. Women are slobs too. During college my now-wife shared an appartment with 3 female roommates. She was constantly complaining about two of them. She told me some of the most disgusting stories about things they did and how their rooms and bathrooms were. And this is coming from my wife, who is actually a bit of a slob herself at times. She'll let things go for a while and then go through a manic phase where she spends all Saturday cleaning and tidying up her mess.

[hahahmm]

"Y’all wonder why some of us women get mad when we’re cleaning." -- I don't wonder. I'm a traditional man. My wife does 95% of the cleaning. I provide the nice house, all of the nice stuff in it, security/protection, household maintenance, car maintenance.

There are women who are slobs too, by the way. But in a relationship with the right man they're super good at keeping things clean because they value the relationship more than being lazy & selfish.

[normalice]

Cleaning is an inefficient use of time when you don't own much. It's only when you've accumulated more than you can keep track of in your mind that putting everything in its place pays off, but the accumulation of stuff is gradual so most men don't realize when they've crossed that threshold. And the value of properly cleaning things to keep them functional doesn't become apparent until a few things break down due to neglect.

[Somoneelse]

"What makes it worse is his landlord threaten to evict him if he don’t clean"
Damn. I don't want to be rude but if this is the case, he is worse than the regular "doesnt-clean" person. But maybe he doesn't have energy to clean left after his work? I have no idea. Some men do have lower standards when it comes to cleanness, or are just easier with it. But i've never heard about some getting evicted when he doesn't clean.

[exitseven]

It is not just guys. My ex girlfriend was the biggest slob i ever met. There was always a big pile of dirty dishes in the sink. She took her laundry out of the dryer and just dumped it on her bed. She used to just poke through it if she needed to find something clean to wear. Her bathroom smelled like the bathroom at the bus station.

[Joshydavid25]

He's young and probably hasn't had to clean after himself much growing up.. So obviously once he's out on his own, he's probably too busy with work, and then comes home and is too lazy to really clean up.. It's not so much a man problem, because my little sister was a complete slob..

[LazerBean]

He's so dirty that his landlord wants to evict him? Girl, that is BAD bad. Like, red flag bad. Do you really want to put up with that for the rest of your life?

[Asker]

I’ve put up with my father who is just as messy as him. I try my best not to judge because I can sometimes slack too. But yeah it’s bad. I don’t know any other way to politely say or just simply show I am tired of seeing crap. Like I don’t want to turn into a nagger or someone who divorces or breaks up with someone because of this but instead work with them on it but im at the point where I am question why is he like this and why most men are like this.

[LazerBean]

I'm not sure most men are like that. And if they are, it's because women excuse their behavior and clean up their crap for them. Anything that annoys you about him now is only going to get worse with time.

[Vegasrunner]

@asker You're missing a golden opportunity. Reality is most men live like slobs. If mem didn't have a need to attract women most men would live in cardboard boxes. Your own anecdotal evidence validates this as he, his friends and your own fathers were in your words "messy" Women who separate themselves from other women come in and actually help the situation, your instincts are correct by not nagging him about it. (Men hate that) The way to make yourself standout is to do something that helps make it easier for him, to be cleaner for you. Maybe it's buying him a set of trash bags, sett9ng him up w/ a trial cleaning service, etc bring something to the table that the average woman wouldn't think about. GL.

[MikeTheBartender]

I have cleaning ladies. Doesn't concern me anymore, but never was a big slob. Most of my male friends don't seem to be. Or female for that matter.

[genericname85]

don't project your experience with men on men as a whole. i've seen women like that and i know not all women are like that. same with men. choose your partner wisely.

[BoopBoopBeep]

No, YOUR man is comfortable living like a slob. You could do surgery in my kitchen. Someday someone may need to.

[hahahmm]

Right. I always kept a clean place when I was living alone. But that's also why I only had roommates once for a SHORT time when I was young. If your roommate is sloppy you end up having to clean for them or be stuck in their mess.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@hahahmm Yeah living with hogs... everybody gets splashed with mud. Can't let that go on.

[MsBell2018]

Women can be just as bad about their unclean habits, if not worse!

[Anonymous]

Don't assume men are like that just because your boyfriend is. My boyfriend is not a slob, but I kind of am sometimes.

[Passerby2]

You said he "works hard". How hard? If he's working hard enough to be exhausted either mentally or physically by the time he gets home, YOU should clean.