Everytime he is in the mood he asks for nu*es and i always share. In a recent fight somewhere related to this, he came up with a point that i dont initiate sending them so he doesn't feel wanted. Is this a concern for me or is he at fault?
In relationships, it's pivotal to discern when one's genuine feelings are being exploited. Your boyfriend's insistence on receiving intimate photos signals a disregard for your emotional well-being and a failure to respect your boundaries. True love is characterized by mutual respect and understanding, not by pressuring someone into compromising situations. By succumbing to his demands, you inadvertently undermine your own self-worth and contribute to a toxic dynamic where your value is reduced to mere physical gratification. It's imperative to recognize your inherent dignity and worth, independent of anyone else's opinions or desires. Your body is not a commodity to be traded for affection or validation. Instead, it should be cherished and respected as a sacred vessel of your identity and autonomy. Embrace your self-worth, and refuse to tolerate anyone who seeks to exploit or diminish it. Surround yourself with individuals who uplift and appreciate you for who you are, rather than those who seek to objectify and manipulate you for their own selfish ends. Remember, you deserve love and admiration that is genuine, sincere, and unconditional.
He sounds really needy if you ask me. First thing is that you give him what he wants. Now that isn't good enough. He is saying you should be doing that on your own without him asking like he is owed that from you. I will say this... be careful. You mention a fight. Fights happen but what is going to happen when it is a huge fight or worse a breakup. Guess where those nudes are going to end up? Yep. Online and there they will exist forever no matter how hard you try to get them down. I mean it is pretty much too late at this point to do anything since you have been sharing them but honestly I wouldn't give him more. Is seeing you nude in person not enough?
Even if it isn't about the nudes he made me feel insecure of my efforts. How am i supposed to react to this I don't know?
u I'd be honest with him and tell him in so many words that you are lucky that you get them when you ask and that sending nudes to you is not something I think about nearly as much as you do. You can be less direct than that but get the point across that it isn't your job to serve every little desire. He needs to grow up and stop being a baby and so needy.
What should be my approach to let him know how i am feeling rn?
u Your approach should be honesty. If you can't be honest and communicate with him then the relationship is already in trouble. You don't have to be mean but honest. Tell him that your sorry but you don't think about sending pics to him as much as he does. It isn't that you mind but just because you don't take the initiative doesn't make it less special that you do it.
I mean... in the context of your relationship, that strikes me as reasonable. It falls into the category of initiation and effort.
If you send the nudes whenever he asks, the pictures are a natural part of your relationship dynamic and a source of intimacy. By not sending nudes until he asks, you aren't doing something that you know he likes as a sweet little "thinking of you" thing. It's just like how a lot of women will never initiate any kind of kissing or sex; it makes men feel like the women don't actually want to have sex with us.
IN THE CONTEXT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP, you never sending nudes without him asking is similar to a man never buying a woman flowers unless she specifically asks him for it.
Most likely, he feels like he's the one initiating sexual stuff, and, as you say, feels unwanted. I don't know how accurate that is in your relationship, but it's a legitimate thing to complain about. Think how you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot.
If you're uncomfortable sending naked pictures of yourself, especially unsolicited (I sure would be), then talk it out with him and see if there's some other way you can make him feel appreciated and desired, that will satisfy both of you.
She already sends him the pictures when he asks though. She says that she always sends them. So that changes things in my mind because then the nudes have become a part of their relationship. That's become part of their foreplay.
@ProbablyClueless That doesn't mean things can't change, if she's not comfortable with it. Relationships aren't carved in stone.
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He sounds like a young guy who doesn't know how to express what he's feeling appropriately in words. And if he made you feel insecure and lacking, it's probably because of his lack and insecurity.
That being said, if you're interested in continuing your relationship with him, you just have to work through it. This is something that's lost on lots of people nowadays. Relationships are sometimes tough, personal growth can sometimes be slow, and the way we poorly communicate can only change when we try to communicate in more positive ways.
First you might try sitting down with him and having a moment to talk. Let him know you're not attacking him, that you care about him, and that you want to work through your problems together. Then let him know that you're sorry if you ever led him to believe he's not wanted, because that's not true. And let him know that it hurt you and made you feel insecure that he would accuse you of not wanting him.
Work through that first. He "should" be open and responsive to your feelings if you're important to him. If not, pay attention to my last paragraph.
However, if he's sensitive to how you felt, and realizes that he might have been a bit brash, then talk about the nudes and how you might make him happy with that. Clarify what he means by more frequently, what he likes, etc.
Determine if you feel comfortable with all that. If not, discuss with him your concerns, and if there's a way to meet halfway. But if all of it sounds like something you're comfortable with, then you all should be good to go.
I imagine he's gone through either some emotional or sexual trauma in his life. This might be something you'll want to delve into with him over time, as he feels comfortable. Because how he views "nudes" as being attached to his feeling "wanted" indicates to me that there might some issues there. Nothing that can't be resolved over time, with talking, reminding him he is wanted regardless if you send nudes, and daily reminders in other ways to show him you care and appreciate all that he does for you.
But also be sure that this doesn't snowball into further and deeper manipulation, where he makes you feel insecure or like you've done something wrong, unless you do x, y and z for him. Relationships are give and take, but if it seems like all he wants is to take and there's no give, no change, no improvement in the way he addresses you and your relationship, leave earlier rather than too late. Otherwise, he's going to create growing trauma within yourself that could damage you for the next really good guy.
Best of luck.
Have you asked what he does with the pictures? If he is just keeping them because he likes to see your body, then 1 or 2 should have been enough. If he uses them as inspiration to masturbate, again 1 or 2 should have been enough. Basically, at this point, he is using this as a “you’re not fulfilling my needs” and hanging it over your moment. Does he do that with other things? I’m calling it right here that he is abusive. May not hit you, or call you names, but he is trying to control you to meet his needs and so far you have been a willing participant. First step is to ask why he needs them. Second step is to understand if his response is okay with you. Do you ask him for dick pics? Try it and see what happens.
that it is the dumbest thing on the planet that you could do.
just do not nor never do it.
He is trying to use reverse phycology on you.
just don't fall for it.
Once those pictures are out there, they are out there forever and there is nothing you can do about it.
He can try to blackmail you into do something you don't want to do, post them anywhere, share them with his friends.
They can show up when a prospective employer does a background check on you.
Just for grins send him some cross dresser's/TV pictures off of the internet.
Tell him this is the best you can send him.
Just don't do it. Most times it will not end well for you.
That's what I thought until she explained that she already sends nudes whenever he asks. Those pictures are a part of their foreplay.
@ProbablyClueless It still isn't a good idea, but hopefully it will work out well for her.
Obviously, I don't know your specific situation, but your guy seems to be in need or someone with a high libido. First of all, it's important to determine if you are comfortable sending photos or if you do it out of a sense of obligation. After asking yourself that, I'll now mention something I consider possible: he may perceive a lack of reciprocity in the sexual aspect, perhaps it's not as important to you as it is to him. I think this because I genuinely believe he might not feel desired or even feel inferior for needing to ask regularly. You are free to do as you please, but if you are comfortable, I would recommend occasionally sending him not a nude, but a spicy photo that makes him feel sexually attended to.
You are responding to his requests, but not initiating sending them, so he feels like you really are not feeling like you want him to see your nudes. If you sometimes send them on your own initiative, he will feel that you are more interested in pleasing him. It is up to you, just as sending any nudes is up to you, but if you are happy sending him nudes, he will appreciate them more if you show that you are taking the initiative on some of them.
You should be proud of your body and should be showing him your body to get him interested. Sorry. It sounds like he is right, you are not very sexually active or enticing. You are way too modest. You should both be sending nudes and then come together later for some good sex. You seem to be too prudey or modest.
How many different nudes does he need of you? Is he selling them on the internet or something? Hell, he might even be using your nudes to make a fake profile on some site like Instagram. Do you want your face on all these sites? Because what good is a nude without your face attached to it? Does he also send you nudes? If it is not reciprocated then he is playing you for a chump.
I wouldn’t send him any. You aren’t even married to him. If you break up or whatever. He still has your nudes to get off to at best and who knows what he could do with them. Even now.
If seems like it’s too sexual or a relationship and it’s all he cares about. Maybe you should think about.
Your boyfriend should not be expecting nudes from you, that's just wrong and egotistical on his part.
If you want to send him nudes, go ahead, but remember that once the nude picture leaves your phone or computer, it can eventually be seen by anyone via the Internet.
I find the whole nudes thing stupid. But what I think he's saying is that he's the one initiating all the time. Both parties want to feel desired, not just the ladies. So it feels good to receive that every once in a while. It doesn't have to be nudes, just whatever you do to express that desire for him.
It can be a concern. If he does this almost everyday, that’s a red flag. He could be taking advantage of you when he should be respectful enough to control his self around you. The fact that he wants you to initiate it now is a no no. But that’s just my own opinion. You don’t want the lust to dominate your relationship with him. Cuz it’s no longer true love if that might happen. I’m just concerned that he sees you as just a pleasure. Sending it is very risky. It still depends on you:)
Personally I find that kind of weird I get that other guys might be into that stuff I'm personally not I would be very cautious around that person there is a situation that happened with my sister and her boyfriend I probably shouldn't be sharing this but her boyfriend catfished people pretending to be her I doubt that's what's going on with you. But bad stuff can happen I'd say put your foot down so that way you don't regret it my sister has been paranoid about it ever since
He’s just all pissy that you don’t send them on your own. He’s mad he even has to ask. Girl, get a better man!
It means he's a reprobate. what real man would ask his woman to send him nude pictures on his phone? What if those pictures got out somehow? Thats just sad and a little disturbing. I'd kick his ass to teh curb, if I were you.
It's a red flag. He's only your boyfriend, not your husband. He can leave the relationship and sell your pics if he pleases.
Don't do it if he doesn't ask. Always left them wanting more, asking for more. Be more desirable. Take initiative in other things but not in this one.
u He believes that you must send him nude photos to make him feel wanted? That is manipulative.
It's sexy when women take the initiative... but he still sounds needy.
I think what’s he’s really trying to say is that you should take the initiative and just leave him.
don't do it! Do NOT do it!
he's only your boyfriend. What if you break up? What if he gets drunk and shows them around?
This should not be part of your relationship
In a perfect world, we would all do things without being told to. If you are willing to send them and he wants them, why not?
Point taken but is it valid that he says that he would feel valued if i send them on my own? Not defending myself just asking u to know the male perspective
He is trying to say it's nice when your s/o other does something without having to ask because you know what they like.
Why does he have to forget about the better things i have done for him and focussing on a petty thing like nu*es is my question? I have a job here with 6 days working, giving as much time to him for everything and him asking a petty thing like this won't be hurtful?
Men having to initiate sexy time, all the time, eventually leads us to believe you don't like us or sex that much.
That he wants you to send him nudes without him having to ask for them.
Point taken but is it valid that he says that he would feel valued if i send them on my own? Not defending myself just asking u to know the male perspective
Next he is going to tell you that if you do not send him pictures regularly, he will post pictures he has online
It means if you don't start showing initiative he will look for someone that will. You are at the beginning of the end of your marriage
How often do you see each other in person? Is this an LDR?
why does he need nudes? can't he just see that in person? lol
Kinda the same as a guy always having to ask for sex when a woman can initiate too
I would love to beat him up for you.
He wants you to send them without asking.
Point taken but is it valid that he says that he would feel valued if i send them on my own? Not defending myself just asking u to know the your perspective
I think so
Yet another pathetic juvenile delinquent.
People often think I’m younger than I really am.
@Red_Arrow Absolutely nothing 😂. I think I was responding to a different question!
Never send nudes.
Sending spontaneous nudes is a nice gesture.
Time to say bye, he is rude
lowkey a jerk
Bullshit!!!
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