Crying as an adult man?

[ItsShay]

Have you ever had someone tell you you’re not supposed to cry as an adult? Or maybe not directly tell you but send the message somehow?

Does that affect your likelihood of crying?

Are you more likely to cry when you’re alone?

[Berethor]

My mother told me that she don't like to see men cry in TV shows, but she did it when I am at fairly old age, so I don't think that it affect me. I know that men are expected to be strong and not cry, I know the trope, but I known it before I saw the trope. It take a lot to make a man cry, so at this point it hard to control it, likely to be a total breakdown, so at that point I tend to not care, but yea it better for the image to go and cry in the room alone or something.

https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Men_Don%27t_Cry

[ItsShay]

That’s understandable!
Would you also not feel comfortable crying in front of your partner? I’m not saying crying about every little thing but sometimes life happens, ya know.

[Berethor]

I am not sure but she would see me as less of a man if I would do that, don't you think?

[ItsShay]

Not necessarily. I’ve seen men cry in front of me. I don’t see any of them as less of a man because of how they are the rest of the time. It’s how they are in general.
That being said I’m pretty sure there are women that feel that way.

[Anonymous]

II hate to cry in public. My ex used to seem to like to force me to cry in public, like it was some way of checking I still loved her or something (by the way don't do this if you want a good relationship).

Guys often struggle to cry unless it hurts really really badly. Even then, they will bottle it up and you may never see it until its a huge tragedy they can't hold inside anymore.

It's just being a man. Really normal.

[ItsShay]

Bottling things up might be normal as in common but not normal as in healthy!

But yeah that’s interesting what your ex used to do. I wouldn’t want to get my partner to cry because as you said that would probably mean he’s not feeling very good and I don’t want that for him.

[Opinion Owner]

Glad of that :). So, normally, being strong is the role we take on. Being able to have strict control of ones internal emotional state is useful. The only problem with becomming expert at it, is your exactly right there is a very fine line between self control and self repression.

[ItsShay]

That’s true! I hope you find the balance. It might not even be crying but a different outlet instead.

[Anonymous]

Not as an adult, but as a child, all the time. Now it’s just instinct not to cry. I think most men just grew up like this so we don’t cry even among strangers. W today’s generation of “men” I don’t know if they do or not. I don’t cry, haven’t in a long time. Maybe when I was about 19.

[ItsShay]

I mean as long as you deal with your emotions in a healthy way.

[andreasderjuengere]

Officially, I don't cry.
Because it does not solve any problem in any way.
If I do (or don't) cry privately, is no one's business except mine.
And it would not change results anyway.
Sounds "macho" - I know that.

[ItsShay]

Most of our reactions to most emotions don’t solve any problem yet that’s just part of being human.

[andreasderjuengere]

Sure :) I just take my own time for it.

[BarryLiverstone]

More likely to cry alone

[ItsShay]

Can I ask if you would in front of a partner? not crying about every little thing but sometimes life happens and if you couldn’t control it for whatever reason, would that make you feel some type of way? Would it depend on their reaction?

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s a lot to unpack. But I’m willing to share

[BarryLiverstone]

Tbh I would hold off on crying in front of someone I was starting to date and didn’t fully trust yet. If that makes sense?

Yes if I couldn’t control it and if I was overwhelmed there are mixed feelings with letting go in front of her.

Def it would depend on her reaction for the future and when I decide to open up and be vulnerable. Could you imagine if I cried and then she disrespected me later?

[ItsShay]

That makes perfect sense.

Yeah, I can only imagine. It would make someone shut down and harder to open up to the next person.
I was just wondering if your view is the same no matter what her reaction is or you could open up if she was supportive and how she is with you didn’t change.

[BarryLiverstone]

Her reaction matters. Not sure if that’s what you are asking

[Anonymous]

Why?

[ItsShay]

The same reason any question is asked. To learn more from the answer.

[Opinion Owner]

Or to know how to manipulate it.

[ItsShay]

I wouldn’t be able to since every person is different.
Though you could say that about most questions on this app so why are you here

[Opinion Owner]

Well if every person is different then your question is moot. So why are you here?

[ItsShay]

I get to know some peoples’ perspective. Might even share things I never thought about. Eventually even if most answers are similar, I’ll have to learn my partners thoughts and principals.