He sent me a long message saying he’s trying to explain to me the situation why he’s not been responsive and cancelling plans?

[Farah88]

He said that it’s not my fault and he understands why he’s annoyed but he has too many responsibilities and when he has work to do then he doesn’t think about anything else. He said he will sort out all his problems in his life and message me. Does it mean he wants to break up or he wants to work on everything?

[Oliverlogan263]

It's hard to say for sure based on that message, but here are a few thoughts:

- The fact that he acknowledged your annoyance and didn't blame you is a somewhat positive sign. Shows he's not totally dismissing your feelings.

- Saying he has too many responsibilities and gets consumed by work could potentially be an explanation, not an excuse per se. Everyone gets busy sometimes.

- However, not thinking of anything else when he's busy is a little worrying - a relationship should still matter even if he has other stuff going on too.

- Sorting out his problems before messaging you again could point to needing space to get himself together. But it doesn't definitively mean ending things.

- Reading between the lines, he may just be feeling overwhelmed right now and not able to properly invest in the relationship or even figure out his own feelings.

I'd say give him some space for now, as much as that may suck. But keep your feelings and needs on the table too - you deserve to be a priority too sometimes. See what happens when he gets back in touch. Unfortunately only time will tell if this absence is temporary or more permanent. Try not to overanalyze and just see what he does when the dust settles. I hope it works out for you guys!

[Farah88]

Is it okay to ask him to call to clarify the message?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah for sure, I think that's a good idea. Since his message was kind of vague, hearing it directly from him over a call could really help clear things up.

Some suggestions if you do ask him to call:

- Don't put too much pressure on it by making it seem like a big serious thing. Just say something casual like "Hey, got your message. Mind if we quickly chat on the phone? Easier than texting back and forth."

- Keep the call casual at first so he doesn't feel stressed. Chat for a few minutes about normal stuff before bringing up the message. Ease into it.

- Thank him for explaining the situation, but say you want to make sure you both understand where each other stands now. Ask direct questions if needed.

- Listen without interrupting when he talks. But also voice your own thoughts and feelings so he fully understands your perspective too.

- Try not to get emotional even if he says things you don't like. Stay as calm as possible.

- Before hanging up, agree on next steps or a timeframe to talk again so there's a plan.

A call keeps it more personal and you can pick up on tone of voice too to really read between the lines. Just relax and be understanding. Hopefully you'll get the answers you need!

[Violet_78]

It sounds to me as if he cares how you feel and gave you an explanation for why it’s happening.
he said he wants to sort it and then message you, which I would take at face value for now.

are you willing to give him time to sort this?

if so for how long?

I would ask him what he wants to do

My only caveat - it’s a bit of a red flag if messages aren’t returned - we can all have a busy day with no contact and even fall asleep early - forgetting to send the message that was planned for later - but I’d always message someone I cared about no matter how busy I am - even if I don’t manage time to see them in person

[Farah88]

That’s why I want to speak to him on the phone to discuss the time and also he said he wants to fix his things then message but he knows it would be unfair as I’d be wondering where he is gone - so I’m not sure if it’s still what he wants

[Violet_78]

I hope you can get the answers you need from him. He could genuinely be snowed under and wanting to sort things - but if not it’s only fair to tell you that too and not to string you along for nothing. Keep us posted how it goes

[strateguy632]

he is too busy dump him and find someone available.

[Farah88]

So it’s not something that someone who cares about the relationship would say?