Why did this guy follow my cousin …?

[Anonymous]

This guy was a very nice guy to me as teens and he was always caring and he was the first guy to say that I was pretty. He was the only guy who listened to me talk… we barely knew eachother but he was kind.. I was a loner. He was also very attractive and popular

He followed one of my cousins on Facebook and I asked if she knew him she said no she didn’t…

I guess if he were actually interested he would follow me and talk to me… but he never spoke to her dm d her he just followed her

Updates

+1 y

Why didn’t he follow me?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Sounds like you never got over your crush on this guy and you’re upset to find out that not only is he no longer interested, but he’s shallow enough to follow your cousin bc he thinks she’s hot and that obviously doesn’t match with who you thought he was. Give it a week or two and you’ll feel better

[Asker]

He’s actually married with a kid now, but I always wondered why he followed her and not me. He never talked to her.

[Asker]

And he wasn’t my crush

[Asker]

She’s pretty and smarter thats good for him.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Okay, point is he thinks your cousin is hotter than you so he’s following her

[Asker]

Okay good for her 👏👏👏

[HollyK21]

Given your age range, who would it matter whether or not this guy who was nice to you in high school years ago follows you or your cousin? Especially when he’s married with a kid, he’s not interested in that way…

[Asker]

Hi holly

Thanks. Just trying to think about other guys who might have cared when ik they don’t

[HollyK21]

Cared about what, love?

[HollyK21]

Following you on social media?

[Asker]

Oh no trying to get over the guy we talked about for months

I just felt like he showed interest but then followed my cousin in which he doesn’t know. I’m close to my cousin so she said she had no idea who he is. But my cousin and I follow eachother

[Asker]

Just found it odd that’s all

[Asker]

I don't know just some guy who I thought gaf but he doesn’t. Men are trash

[Asker]

He just felt bad for me

[HollyK21]

I genuinely mean no offense when I say this but I think your feelings are misplaced. You’re talking about interest that he showed so long ago, and since then he’s married and has a child.

I would understand this feeling if him being interested was more recent, but it isn’t at all. So to say men are trash just because some guy you have zero connection with followed your cousin is just a little childish.

I kinda feel like I know who this is and if I’m correct then you’re going to be upset with this no matter what anyone says, but this isn’t right.

[Asker]

Yeah holly I said it’s me lol 😂

[HollyK21]

You did? I didn’t see where! Lol I just had a feeling it was you and it as like oh man she’s gonna get mad at me for saying this I already know, but it’s true. This shouldn’t matter babe, it has nothing to do with you or your looks.

[Asker]

I’m just using this guy as an ego boost to stop feeling shitty

[HollyK21]

The guy you’re mentioning in this post? Or someone new?

[Asker]

Guy in this post

[HollyK21]

How does this boost your ego though? He didn’t follow you, he’s not even talking to you… if anything I feel like it’s more of a blow to your self esteem, because you’re already thinking bad about yourself just because he didn’t follow you… I guess I’m just not seeing the boost here.

[Asker]

I just want to be loved …. I’m trying to remember who made me feel like I mattered just to realize I didn’t mean anything to him and he’s a player

[HollyK21]

What happened to just being a maneater? Chew em up spit em out? Not be loved.

[Asker]

Hell yeah I’m still doing that.

I just got a low point where I wanted to stroke my own ego… so now I have to think of someone else who might have liked me

[HollyK21]

Well, I don’t think this is the man to focus those efforts on. You’re worried about him loving you or whether or not he was interested when he’s not even available in the first place babe. As a matter of fact, I’ve already said I don’t think a man should be a focal point whatsoever right now when your mental state is where it is. If the post hadn’t gotten deleted the moment I tried to post my comment, you would’ve seen how disappointed I was with your post asking about routes of su**ide.

[Asker]

Oh I didn’t think you saw it

I was just curious

[HollyK21]

I saw it a moment too late because right when I went to post my comment the post was deleted. You say you were just asking then turn around and tell me you don’t wanna be here anymore fr. I just hate so much that this is all triggered by men, I wish you’d focus on yourself only right now and not even give a shit about being a maneater or dealing with a man period. Because men are only fcking you up mentally Chels, I mean look at how hard you’re taking the fact that this man followed your cousin and not you. Now you’re fixated on this and it’s not boosting your ego at all. There has to be a better way to handle this.

[Asker]

True, but again I just need a little validation to get me going.

[HollyK21]

You really don’t Chels. Nothings gonna boost your self esteem than doing the work to love yourself more. The answer for you doesn’t lie with male validation, they just make shit worse in your life, and the sooner to recognize this the better off you’ll be.

[HollyK21]

The perfect example is this guy, you wanted validation and interest from him and cal him trash because he’s taken. That’s so unhealthy babe.

[Asker]

I wasn’t calling him trash because he’s taken I’m calling him trash for showing interest in me when I was a nobody at the camp.. he made me feel seen… then for him to try and play me and follow my cousin

Then my hot cousin followed him and now they follow eachother on Facebook and instagram… but I tried to follow he didn’t accept it…

That’s not a good feeling.. bc I thought we could even be friends…

[HollyK21]

I don’t feel like it’s fair to say he’s trash for taking interest as teenagers, when you’re further into your 20s now. Maybe if this were relatively recent… I think that’s one of the traumas you haven’t healed yet, and contributed to why you took things so hard with the African guy.

I’m not sure why he followed your cousin, but if it’s just about looks then that’s not the guy you want attention from anyway. It’s shallow, and looks bad on him as a taken man.

[Asker]

No I don’t really think about him at all tbh I just dug this situation up to get over the African guy.

Like I said he was the only person who was nice to me and first guy to ever give me a compliment

[HollyK21]

So did it help you get over the African guy now that you’ve dug this up? Or is it just better to transfer your pain over the African guy, back to how you felt over this person? It’s like you refuse to not hurt, if it isn’t over the African guy you dig up another source of pain as a distraction or something. It’s just ridiculous and so self sabotaging Chels. This isn’t helping at all…

[Asker]

I told you truthfully that I have a hard time coping when I feel abandoned.. when I feel like he’s totally done with me and he doesn’t want to come back…. So I am trying to distract myself or trying to transfer the pain of not feeling adequate.

This dude is very attractive and the fact he paid me attention made me feel good… just want to feel good about myself.

[HollyK21]

I know, I remember you mentioning that and this isn’t a disregard to that. All I’m saying is that this is the wrong distraction, mainly because that’s another source of hurt. You can’t go to a painful situation and expect to get someone positive from it. Your feelings of inadequacy are something you’re going to have to deal with, whether it’s with a therapists help or not.

[Asker]

Yeah you’re right lol

[Anonymous]

Guys can be a bit selfish and maybe he wanted her or to keep an eye out on you

[Asker]

Yeah maybe he was never interested

He popped up in my people you may know.

I had told another cousin about him and she followed him…

Why didn’t he follow me…?

[Opinion Owner]

May not be interested

[Asker]

Oh okay

O well….

[msc545]

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