Sick of my boyfriends new addiction, seriously is there anything I can do?

[Anonymous]

I asked a similar question but In 5 days the situation is even worse. He's addicted to magic the gathering. Don't bother responding if you think you can't be addicted to a card game... you can. (Blackjack is a perfect example).

He's not spending anytime with me or his newborn daughter. He plays the game from like 6pm to 7am with no breaks, he's spending $200 twice a week and I don't know how he's affording it (has not spend any-I mean $0 on his baby), he stopped talking to his best friend because he plays too much, and he watches youtube for hours on end of people opening card packs.

It's like he almost gets off on it. I already asked his friend for help but he didn't... i guess they aren't buddies anymore (this is a HUGE red flag). He's even showing up late for work because he's up all night playing. I'm assuming there's nothing i can do for someone's addiction. What type of ultimatum can I set before I leave? Can I ignore him? We pretty much do anyways... I have not talked to him about it because he just gets mad and I already know he doesn't see it as a problem even though he's losing everyone in his life... what can I do he doesn't have any other hobbies because he's lame.

[Anonymous]

Recovering compulsive gambler here.

First off I am sorry about what you are going through. Seeing a loved one go through is extremely difficult, perplexing and devastating.

However compulsive gambling (including magic card game gambling) is it actually is a brain chemical addiction. If someone did a brain scan of your boyfriend gambling vs a normal person doing the exact same activity it would show your bf’s dopamine levels lighting up 10x of a normal person. He is literally high like he is on drugs when he does this activity.

He needs to attend a local gamblers anonymous meeting. Because the most effective way to defeat an addiction is work with people who went through the same issue and can relate to how he feels. Even the best trained psychotherapist can’t relate to how an addict feels and behaves.

However just a warning he must want to quit on his own. It sounds to me he sees this as a “harmless” escape from the stress of being a father and dealing with other issues. He probably reasoned with himself that it’s “safe” because it’s not like doing drugs or drinking alcohol. But it’s an addiction. And he’s addicted to the feel good brain chemicals playing this game gives off.

[Asker]

Iv don't think he will quit.. I also forgot a small yet big detail he also manages a clinic where he works with people with addictions. Most likely he's entitled and this makes him not want to get help even more I would imagine.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s unfortunate. The thing is he doesn’t think this is an addiction because it’s not a foreign substance he’s putting in his body. But it is.

[Opinion Owner]

I would look for a local GAM-ANON meeting. It’s a special meeting for relatives and spouses do compulsive gamblers. The people in that group can give you the best advice on how to handle this.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, I hear you loud and clear. That situation sounds super stressful and not good for you or the baby. Here's what I would do:

- Sit him down for a serious talk when the baby is with a sitter. Lay it all out - the money spent, lost friends, missing responsibilities.

- Tell him bluntly his addiction is hurting your family and it stops NOW. No more excuses or getting mad.

- Give him one last chance to commit to rehab/therapy and getting help. Suggest selling his cards if he serious.

- If he refuses help or just gets mad, you need to make a plan to leave for your kid's sake. Move in with a friend or family temporarily.

- Let him know you love him but can't watch him self destruct. You and baby come first now. Even if it's tough love.

- Don't engage much besides co-parenting until you see real changes like counseling and limiting time/spending on cards.

- You deserve so much better sis. Don't let him drag you down. Your daughter needs at least one stable parent. You've got this!

Stay strong - your well-being and baby's health have to be the top priority right now, not his addiction. I'm here for you!

[sheikalana]

That's ridiculous. Seems like he forgot he's a father and a boyfriend and prefers to act like a looser. I also briefly dated a guy who used to play Magic all the time but I think he was actually really good as he used to travel to go on tournaments and used to make money out of it. Your partner is acting like a teenager who doesn't have any responsibilities and if he keeps acting that way he's gonna lose many things in life including friends and family and possibly his job. Is just going to have a major negative impact in his life like any other addiction. You need to escalate things quickly for the sake of your child I'd suggest you talk to his parents and siblings. I sincerely hope things get better.

[Asker]

That may be a good idea. Thank you.

[poshspice123]

I guess you should first think are you ready to leave him or stay away? If the answer is yes, then I would suggest what @Oliverlogan263 said.


If the answer is no, because you have a new born daughter, see what is minimum you can do.


He needs to realize your importance and needs to be shocked that you can leave him.


But I hope he improves upon it.


Also suggest couples therapy. Coz he doesn’t look like the type to accept responsibility. He looks like he’s gonna turn stuff on you somehow.

[electromagnetic]

I think maybe it may warrant a long open conversation about where you are feeling in the situation. I get it.

i think a reminder that playing games is great and all but he needs to make priority time for you guys as well. Especially with a child in the picture.
I think if you can express how feels here, you’ll be okay to express them to him personally as well.

[FunkyMonkee]

Either break up with him and file for child support or, every time he goes to get into the card game, jump on his face and smother it with your pussy. He can't play cards if you're forcing him to muff dive!

[Asker]

Lol 😂

[TommyMountainFigure]

Hide your money before he takes it all and blows the lot. Then walk away.
If or when he is ready to fix his problems, you can still come back if you so wish! Maybe he needs a wake up call.

[Asker]

Lol I'm not married he ain't getting no money lol 😂

[TommyMountainFigure]

I didn't think you were, but gamblers are like drug addicts in that respect. They will take any money they can find by any means necessary. Bank books laying around? Setting up loans in other people's name, merely by producing official documents? Those things are easily done by people desperate to satisfy their addiction.

[Anonymous]

Ultimatums are never the answer, if he’s unwilling to work on this addiction or at least be receptive to how you’re feeling or what you say, then this isn’t the right guy for you. I’m sorry that a child is now in the mix, or if you’re living together but you can’t twist his arm into walking away from this hobby that has become all-consuming for him. You shouldn’t have to beat a dead horse. Shouldn’t want to either.

[VV3ZZY123]

Yo that shit is boring AF. Maybe he would be better off finding a girl with similar hobbies. I'd look for a new boyfriend. Then leave lol

[Asker]

I agree I'm about to do that tbh and if we need to go to court I've been collecting evidence of this little "addiction"

[MsProsperity]

Tell him to stop or you’ll leave with the baby. Soon he’ll be stealing your money and might quit work. If he can’t stop tell him to look for help

[ChicoFromThe305]

Everything you are saying should be said to him, he needs to know how bad it's getting, what's the worse that can happen, he breaks up with you? Sounds kinda like a good thing at this point

[Staximus]

Tell him to stop acting like a middle school nerd and grow up for fucks sake, what an idiot loser nerd

[WhitneySnow]

Wait for him to grow out of it? I’m not into Magic but I have friends my age who are and they’re doing very well in life despite being serious Magic fans.

[dustybiker2]

He isn't going to change. Question is why do you think he will?

[Asker]

I just want to at least try since i just had a kid with him instead of dipping and ruining my kid lol.

[dustybiker2]

Ah. Now I understand.

[David94358]

What version of MtG is he playing? Actually cards or the online version?

[Asker]

I introduced him to the card game (I literally had to beg him to play the first time) and now he's been playing strictly online because of there baby and sometimes "with coworkers "

[HelpfulWoman]

to that extent? he's a lost cause and you can do better

[DextroShade]

This guy is a loser and you fucked up by having his kid. If he won't change your best option is to get with an older single dad.

[Asker]

Oof just did the older guy thing and it was 10,000 times worse lol

[DextroShade]

Well you are a baby momma so you don't really have good options anymore, sorry.

[DrPepper12]

Can his family intervene? Would he consider individual or couples counseling?

[Asker]

He would consider couples therapy but I'm not married. And poetically won't get married to him even with our... so for me that's a waste of time for a non-fully committed relationship. I'm also not very sensitive when it comes to this type of bs

[Asker]

Probably not poetically lol

[FuqUFggt]

You can do almost anything besides what you are doing... accepting it and enabling him.

[Asker]

I realized today that everyone else is enabling him I'm just a small addition. All his friends and his phone is the true enablers. Especially since

[Asker]

Everyone in world of magic besides a few think that it's "just a game"

[FuqUFggt]

It is just a game. But gambling is much more and you don't have to put up with it

[michol123]

This guy won't change if you get him to stop he'll move on to something else,

[Asker]

Yeah... that's what I'm afraid of. Why the hell do I end up with people who develop addictions or have addictive personalities? They are normal for 3 or 2 years then the next they flip (pretty much every relationship I've been in)

[jahaims]

That's what happens when you pick a loser as a partner. He won't change unless he decides to.

[Anonymous]

"he's lame"? Thats shy modern women have a baby and then leave?

[JacobJordan]

Calling the person you a had a child with lame. No wonder he is avoiding you.

[Asker]

He's not avoiding me at all it's the other way around.. why would he knock me up essentially trapping me here with him almost if he was "avoiding" me?

[JacobJordan]

There is a door use it

[DJRiddle]

so, what attracted you to the father of your child, I mean besides not really knowing him?

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[DJRiddle]

read it again