Is it wrong that I defended myself when my boyfriend called me selfish and childish?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I differ on having kids. Most of the time, I feel like he's not being understanding enough towards the reasons I have to not have any kids, such as having body image issues and the fact that pregnancy causes huge changes in a woman's body. It's also the fact that kids demand an awful lot of ur time and attention, something I don't think I'm fully ready for. My boyfriend on the other hand, really wants them and tries to convince me by sending me photos and videos of babies, saying things like "I'll convince u to have kids don't worry". One day I told him that kids take up a lot of ur time and I wouldn't have time for myself, he called me "Selfish and childish" and said that when I'm 35 and I see my friends having kids I'll regret it. I told him that I'm not selfish and childish for having body image issues and caring about my body which will be fucked if I have a child and that'll be really unsettling for me given the severity of my issues. I just don't want to be a terrible mother and ruin the life of an innocent child. Am I wrong for defending myself in front of him?

[Oliverlogan263]

No girl, you weren't wrong at all to defend yourself. No one has the right to call you names or make you feel bad about very personal issues like your body image or your feelings about having kids.

Your boyfriend needs to understand this is YOUR body, and pregnancy would physically and mentally affect you way more than it would him. Calling you "selfish" totally dismisses how valid your concerns are.

It's great he wants kids someday, but he can't force you into something so life-changing if you don't feel ready or comfortable with it. By pressuring you, all he's doing is pushing you further away from wanting them together.

You need a partner who respects your boundaries and is willing to have thoughtful discussions, not just call you names when you disagree. He should be supporting you, not making you feel bad about yourself.

You stood up for your feelings - that's healthy and what a good relationship needs. Don't let him convince you that you did something wrong by refusing to be put down. You deserve so much better than that!

[Changiis07]

You are not wrong for defending what in the moment you believe. Thing is he wants kids and you don't. Also sounds like you are still young and later in life you might want kids but he could be more understanding of what you are feeling. I know kids can change a woman's body but also the woman can also watch what she eats so that it doesn't affect her much