Why do men become rude, mean, or demeaning when you aren’t going to sleep with them?

[Anonymous]

Why do they change or hurt your feelings?

[Telekinetic-Potato]

They do it because they know it’s their only hope to get laid. They know they don’t have the charisma to finish the job so they make you feel like you’re overthinking and being inconsistent which of course is unfair to them.

Only 9 times out of 10 it’s just the woman subconsciously figuring out the guy is a loser and she shouldn’t sleep with him because holy shit, imagine that guy as a father.

These aren’t real men, they’re still boys a slim majority of guys go through this phase and losers do it till they become rapists or something.

It’s one thing for a guy to be persistent, but think about it, why would a guy get mad? Why would they get so flustered they lash out?

Has more to do with how they view themselves than you. You’re best bet is directly telling them why your answers no and taking your leave if they can’t calm themselves afterward.

[Asker]

Well this guy seemed like a genuine man and he never love bombed me or anything… I do post suggestive pics online but not for sex.. for validation. I told him I wasn’t into in sex or a relationship. I told him day I bc I wanted to protect my well being… we exchanged numbers everything was okay. I was kind of pushing him away but I ended up wanting him

We go on a date and he changes… he says he’s not ready for a relationship… he asked me if my dad knew about the content I post…. he asks when I was last intimate.. I tell him that I’m waiting for marriage..

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Lmao yea he’s convinced you’re playing him.

He sounds like a guy who likes to flirt with woman and has what might only be very minor trust issues.

I don't know this might be the 1/10 kind of situation but it’s still kinda strange.

What’s the guy like? How’d you meet

[Asker]

I wasn’t playing him I actually liked him but I was afraid I was being coerced or something..

We met online

[Asker]

I liked him bc I thought he was emotionally mature, level headed, assertive… he’s 10 years older than me

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Ehhh. I could go either way personally.

I've seen the whole > He seemed like a good guy but then I got suspicious < happen a million times if you're anything like the woman I'm friends with, maybe lower your guard a little- Wait, wait hold on lol I just realised something.

Why do you think he's emotionally mature?

[Asker]

Because I was very guarded and was acting illogical but I felt he was being patient and meeting me with logic instead of reacting to my emotions

[Asker]

But that was in the beginning

[Telekinetic-Potato]

And now his logic is starting to come across more as rhetoric?

[Asker]

Yeah… ig telling him that I’m trying to protect my emotional and mental wellbeing meant nothing to him

In the end he just wanted to hurt me and I basically begged him not to

[Telekinetic-Potato]

For whatever it might be worth, he's probably going through something that in his perspective is pretty similar.

I think you both are probably a little jaded and he's maybe a little slower in the head than you are.

But what I really don't like is this situation mixed with a 10 year age gap. That means this guy is over 35 and getting worked up over his maybe 27 y/o girlfriend not wanting to touch him?

It sounds like he's just mad he doesn't have as much game as the average guy in his mid 30's should.

How is he financially?

[Asker]

I’m very sexually attracted to him. I’ve never felt so submissive or “safe” with any man… I’m not a touchy person but I did want to touch him badly. I wanted to touch his big hands lol I also noticed that he picks at them so I thought maybe he has anxiety like me.

He’s a software engineer. I think he makes good money and seems to be a good provider

[Asker]

I’m a virgin and I didn’t want to tell him that

[Telekinetic-Potato]

That's tricky. I can see how you not telling him that would instigate a situation like this. You're not reacting the way he's expecting and it's frustrating him. I don't know how much effort he's put into dating you but I also don't know what your dating experience is.

It sounds like maybe you need to be honest with him about your lifestyle choices and offer him some clarity. He might lash out in the moment, from his point of view he's going to feel lead on.

[Asker]

But here’s the thing.. I told him I wasn’t looking for sex or a relationship and he was confused… he said he didn’t want to end up liking me for nothing.

I didn’t tell him I was a virgin because I didn’t feel the need to

I do struggle a bit with self esteem and I only feel good when I post my pics but I didn’t think I would end up liking him

[Asker]

He made me feel like I was more than my pics

[Telekinetic-Potato]

You'll never know if you have a reason to be insecure if don't try and you'll never grow past your insecurities if you don't get hurt.

My suggestion would be spend some time with this guy and let what he sees in you inspire yourself to find the good qualities you have to lean on.

Ultimately, insecurities amount to a fear of rejection. And the biggest fear is that it's something which can't be changed. But even if he lies to you about everything and it was all a game, it doesn't change the fact that he saw good qualities in you and that's something you can use to lead your life in some kind of direction that's healthier than constantly equating your self worth to pictures and likes.

I don't know maybe it will go well maybe not but it sounds like you met someone who is giving you the confidence to be vulnerable.

20 years from now how do you want to look back on this moment?

[Asker]

No he ghosted me after the date… that’s why I’m so hurt

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Well you sorta lied to him. He probably liked you. Guys usually start off sexually attracted and then the emotional attachment comes later.

[Asker]

I did not lie to him in any way shape or form…. I told him I wasn’t looking…

How can you say he probably liked me when he didn’t treat me right… leaving me on delivered, ghosted me, tried to say something about the way I post pics online and mentioned my father, he called me crazy and unstable… like he sounds abusive

No I don’t want to have sex with a man who doesn’t make me feel good and safe… and at first I was willing to sleep with him but he changed and he would have ghosted me…

[Telekinetic-Potato]

But you went on a date with him didn't you? He was touching you and you liked it. You can't seriously think he couldn't tell.

Sounds like my origional comment stands but he only would have gotten like that if he felt some level of attachment to you. You guys apparently got intimate enough that there was some semblance of a special connection budding and then he told you he doesn't want his emotions played with so you texted him back.

Guys have to deal with this exact situation all the time. Emotionally mature or not, the behavior you're describing is inconsistent and draining.

He might be a weak man but it's not like his reaction just popped up out of nowhere for zero reason that was within your control.

Maybe you have more value than you thought you did. Maybe he thought a lot about you.

Personally if it were me in his shoes, I would have said something similar. If you don't know what you want and you respond well to advances but then you say you don't want anything what am I supposed to do?

[Asker]

Honestly I don’t know what you’re talking about. I think you misread what I said…

I said that I wanted to touch him… just to give you a picture…we only talked for 2 weeks and went on one date.

Nothing you wrote in your last reply happened and I don’t know where you got it from. He never touched me or even tried to touch me. We hugged but that was it…

He is not attached to me in any way shape or form or form.

[Asker]

But if he truly liked me he would have communicated better on what he wanted

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I thought you said he held your hand

[Telekinetic-Potato]

And I thought he said he didn't want to get attached for nothing? How much clearer can he really be?

[Asker]

No I did not say that. I said I wanted to touch him.

In the beginning he said he didn’t want to like me for nothing

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Oh..

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Still seems like he liked you

[Asker]

But why would a guy who “likes” you demean you and ghost you just because he’s not getting sex.

His actions were incredibly hurtful

What even makes you think he liked me? Forget the beginning… it’s how he ended things

[Asker]

The only nice thing he did was finally give me closure AFTER telling him that he’s hurting me. He called me and told me that he didn’t want to invest if we weren’t going to have sex. That hurt to hear and he said he had higher priorities to worry about and we can check in here and there.

Then he said he hopes I find a man who loves me the way I want/ need to be loved

[Drackusdredge]

Unfortunately a lot of people have come to "expect" sex due to people more freely engaging in it in modern times. Some Men can be selfish and belligerent about this. There is some men who will wait if they are emotionally invested in a woman enough but there are some men who are intentionally waiting till marriage. Either way, You should probably try to be emotionally guarded or reserved for the initial portions of dating until someone proves through their actions they are willing to respect and wait for you, to avoid getting an overly rosy picture too fast. Hope you the best.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

@Drackusdredge there is no way you read the whole conversation bro

[Drackusdredge]

Re-read it again to make sure not missing something, I think I just don't care about your points? My answer remains the same. Also I read parts of the other comment chains and had some of that in mind as well but only wanted to comment in one, but figured my reply was more of a tack-on to the other concerns then a independent address to the main question that had less background to it so just chose a thread to add it on.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

@Drackusdredge I guess that's close enough. I'm just like "who is this guy swooping in at the end of this long discussion like he's some kind of sevant?"

This took a lot of effort lol no offense to asker It would have been that way no matter who I was talking to.

[Drackusdredge]

Yeah, I just had to pick a discussion where she mentioned certain points since my comment was more of an aside I had in my mind from reading a few comment chains, was moreso aimed at her. sorry for the confusion.

[Asker]

@Drackusdredge I was very guarded in the beginning and I set boundaries with him… I did want to be intimate with him but I was scared that he just wanted sex… I was scared he was going to wait around for it and then dump me… especially when he said “I’m scared to sleep with you because you’ll be crazier “

[Drackusdredge]

Hm, well you said it was just 2 weeks and 1 date. I suppose then I am just surprised you got so invested and so hurt over him if you were being guarded. From my perspective first 3 dates are like a testing period on if things will continue and even then it would take longer for me to feel secure / making sure compatible on enough fronts.

[Asker]

I’m hurt because so much happened in a short period and he was a bit different from other guys

[Drackusdredge]

Gotcha, I suppose that makes some sense. well keep in mind in future being different in a positive sense is something people usually have to prove over time because some people can be more mixed then they seem at first or even superficial, people can have different aspects to their personality and it does not always all come out at first. I hope you have better success in finding yourself a decent guy in future and I hope your feeling better soon / have closure over this bump in the road.

[Asker]

But why did he mention my father and say the comment “does your dad know about the pics you post “

[Drackusdredge]

Oh that? It is common for many men to assume women who post certain types of sexual pictures to be slutty, and it is common for fathers to be protective of daughters or not usually wanting them to be slutty so some men comment about sexual seeming women about how they must be shameful to their parents. I am unsure what he was trying to achieve; perhaps he was thoughtlessly speaking his mind, maybe he was trying to see your reaction or profile you more on the topic, Also some men intentionally say something insulting in the belief that diminished self-confidence will make the woman more receptive to sexual advances (called "negging") - its hard to say exactly what his goal was but it had something to do with him viewing you as seeming like a type of woman he would assume was being sexually inappropriate in his view. Men will still often try to get with women they see as this way, just they don't respect them much. However you also tried to communicate with him you were not being sexually active or not wanting sex right now - so I am unsure how he took it, perhaps he felt like it was mixed signals or he was doubting you, I unfortunately do not have the ability to peak into his mind to tell you exacts. But I hope that gives you more of an idea?

[Drackusdredge]

There is also some men who would mention it because they would be trying to persuade the woman to be more "decent" or lead on a path they see as "better" but given what you have said already that does not seem like his intent would be that one, since he dipped quick when he was not getting sex and etc.

[Drackusdredge]

The negging one is least likely though in my opinion, since it would be a round-about way to do so and usually negging is more direct in nature. Most likely he was profiling/inquiring further or thoughtlessly stating his opinions by way of question.

[Asker]

He also said that he was scared to sleep with me because he said I would be crazier but he just wasn’t like this in the beginning… I thought he was a genuine guy who saw me as more. Despite me telling him that I wasn’t looking for sex or a relationship and telling him that I was protecting myself and my emotional well being. I didn’t want to be used and I told him that if he only wants sex to look for someone who wants the same thing as him. … I literally told him that I would be a placeholder until he moved on

He said he was struggling to understand that and that he didn’t want to end up liking me for nothing

He tried to call but I declined bc I was trying to push him away.
But he was logical and patient with me.. that’s what drew me in… I wasn’t love bombed

[Asker]

I gave him a hard time in the beginning.. He wanted to know the safest way to interact with me and told me “I can understand if you dealt with certain people but it’s important not to punish everyone for someone else’s sins.. he did admit that he felt that I was a tad bit unstable and that I should take time to myself before dating.

So what happened on the date was just hurtful and weird… I felt very insecure and less attractive.. I thought he genuinely wanted to love me

Just for him to say “I’m scared to sleep with you because you’ll be “crazier “… or asking when I was last intimate… checking his phone..

He ghosted me after but he only reached out weeks later after telling him that he was affecting my mental health bc I didn’t understand why he was doing me that way

I felt really hurt and even became depressed.. I thought I was healing myself by posting those pics and seeking validation from men to feel good about myself. I just thought he was genuine but he proved that every guy was right
I’m not good enough

[Drackusdredge]

The unstable part might have sent some mixed signals or other concerns, but either way. It still was rude of him to ghost you in response, he could have handled that batter. Please dont go around saying to yourself "I'm not good enough", everyone has their own issues and ups and downs nobody is perfect, it's about finding someone matches you specifically and gets along well with you as you are, sure maybe there is something you could improve and perhaps in working on yourself you might improve your odds but everyone has something they could improve but you should not feel like a failure or like that is it just because of something like this. You need to love yourself more and not depend overly much on the validation of others as if them being rude to you means somehow your worth less.

[Asker]

So what happened? Was this all about sex?
He did call and say “ I’m sorry and he said he didn’t want to go on knowing ‘someone’ in the world is mad at him. He said he didn’t feel like he ghosted me.( so now I’m someone) lol he said he didn’t want to invest his time if we weren’t going to be eventually have sex… I said “so sex is what you really wanted?” And he said he wasn’t going back and forth with me because I misunderstand everything he says…. He said we can check in here and there. Then he said he was highly stressed with work and he has higher priorities to worry about.. I wondered if he just wasn’t attracted to me. He said I was “perfect “ to lighten the blow ig.. I said I hope you find what you’re looking for and I was high key crying lmao

He said I hope you find a man who loves you the way you need/ want to be loved

[Drackusdredge]

My guess is he was uncertain due to feeling like you were unstable and might be a hassle to deal with and sink time in from his view and probably he thought of it in terms of in addition to stress he was having at work, and that if he was going to have to be patient with it he wanted a sense of guarantee he would get some sex out of it at least, either sooner or if later feeling confident about the possibility. Basically, he did not consider getting to know you further worth it without likely sex attached. Some guys have that view where they will stick around longer if sex is being had or an option, but it's also not a guarantee they will stay long term it just satisfies them in the near term and they might potentially leave anyways. It does not mean he was *necessarily* only interested in sex alone, but sex was probably a big priority for him and in this case it was more important to him then waiting things out further to see where it goes.

Probably

[Drackusdredge]

In this case it was likely a mismatch in priorities. Sex was on the backburner for you and you were mostly focused on how it was progressing as a possible relationship. For him, he wanted sex being a likely option and if he put in more time with you and did not get sex in future from it he considered that risk too high and probably wanted to look for someone else he expects to get sex from interacting with more likely. He may also care some about the relationship factor, but it was not as important to him and it seems like he had some misgivings or uncertainties in his view of you. You would just need to find a man who is more invested in getting to know you and focused on relationship side moreso and willing to wait longer for sex.

[Asker]

Yeah… I’m realizing now that it was never going to be me…. He never wanted me and he was probably emotionally manipulating me. I never felt something so painful after almost a year… like thinking you won a prize and you feel good for once and the same person who gave you that prize rips it out of your hand and walks away leaving you humiliated and confused.

He just didn’t want me to get attached because he didn’t plan on staying

[Drackusdredge]

I really hope the best for you. It sucks you had to learn the hard way, but actions speak louder then words and if a man is genuinely interested in getting to know you better and willing to wait on sex in the meantime, he needs to show that over time not just pass some temporary hoops at the very start. Just remember, this mans actions does not reduce your own value any, he made his choices for his reasons.

[Finchie40]

Because sex is important to most guys’ especially when they are attracted to a girl that they have the hots for , Most guys’ will not waste their time on a girl just to be friends with her , if he is investing a lot of his time into her he likes her More than just a friend. If she decides not to be intimate and affectionate with him? he will feel upset that she doesn’t like him that way , which could cause him to be rude and disrespectful and mean toward her , basically thinking he wasted his time on her. Most guy’s can’t. just be friends with a girl, unless he has no attraction toward her whatsoever. Most men are very visual when it comes to seeing or wanting a beautiful girl. He will invest a lot of his time into her because he likes her and is attracted to her , if he gets put into the friend zone by her , he will be upset and pissed off

[Asker]

I feel that is so wrong… in this case I am very attracted to him but I feel he really hurt my feelings

[Finchie40]

Well the thing is , you got your answer already , that he is only after one thing from you and that’s sex , so be happy you didn’t have sex with him, because he more than likely would of just used you for it considering the way he acted toward you for not sleeping with him. So you are best to move on from him and find yourself a more respectful caring guy that wants more than just sex with you

[Asker]

I’ll never understand why he would do that to me. In the beginning I had already told him that I wasn’t looking for sex and I basically begged him not to hurt me..

He said he was scared to sleep with me because he felt I would be crazier.

[Finchie40]

It sounds like he was manipulating you to believe in him but really he was talking out of his ass and trying to convince you to sleep with him. If he truly liked you and cared about you , he wouldn’t get mad and mean toward you for not wanting sex

[Asker]

I told him I was waiting until marriage but I also post sexy pics.

But he didn’t want to sleep with me

[Finchie40]

Maybe by you posting sexy pics is making him feel like you are looking for validation from other men as well

[Asker]

He already knew about my pics when we started talking and he asked if my father knew about the pics I post

[Finchie40]

It sounds like he doesn’t trust you and thinks you are playing tricks on him

[Asker]

True but I can say Same about him.

[Finchie40]

Yea like I said you already got
Your answer by the way he got rude and mean to you , so you are best just to move on from him and find yourself a more respectful caring guy that is on the same page as you

[Asker]

He did give me closure… I wanted to kill myself fr I was depressed…. He ended up calling me after I told him that him ghost me was impacting my mental

He said he didn’t want to invest his time if we weren’t going to have sex eventually… he also felt I was unstable

[Finchie40]

Yea you are best to move on from him , he is not on the same page as you , he wants different things than you do , He pretty
Much wants sex and is intentions is to find sex. Most guys’ these days aren’t going to wait til marriage to have sex with a girl , just the way it is , Most guys’ today don’t even want to get married because of all the horror stories they hear about marriage , so finding a guy that is willing to wait until marriage for sex is going to take you some time to find , if that’s what you choose to do. The fact that he called you unstable is wrong and disrespectful , so again you are best to ghost his ass and move on from him. Considering he is not on the same page as you.

[Asker]

I agree… so why did he bring up the way I dressed?

[Finchie40]

Did you dress sexy? If so , he is probably saying you are dressing up to seek validation and attention from guys’ basically implying that you look like you want a lot of attention from guys’

[Asker]

Yes but he knew that

I meant to ask why did he bring up my DAD… what guy does that? Why would my dad need to know about that

[Finchie40]

He is immature that’s why , he is trying to make you feel bad for dressing sexy

[DishLady]

Guys who only see girls as having one value (sex objects) get frustrated when it's not given to them freely. They can start to pressure the girl and if she still doesn't give in then toxic/abusive commentary and actions might follow.

Just because a guy wants sex doesn't mean a girl has to give it to him. Abusive sexual coercion is inappropriate and shouldn't be entertained. Just get away from guys like that.

[Asker]

I never knew what sexual coercion was until now…

[DishLady]

Yeah... be careful.

[Asker]

How do I know if he were genuine in the beginning or not

[DishLady]

See, that’s the million dollar question… Some guys are patient at the start and so it fools a girl into sharing and getting comfortable with the guy.

But other guys from the moment you talk to them they’re talking about something sexual… then shift to some standard topic, then back to sex (often enough that it’s noticeable they’re thinking 90% about sex, not about getting to know you.

Then pressure to open up about what you like (sexually), then teasing and messing with you only to push you for meetups and physical play and … well, you get it now, right? He’ll just have “sex on the brain.”

[Asker]

He wasn’t like that in the beginning at all. He didn’t love bomb me.

[DishLady]

So he's like the first scenario I mentioned... a little patient.

The "love bomb" is a confusing label bc he's not offering "love" to you and probably isn't going to use that word...

[Asker]

Yeah but he also already knew that I wasn’t interested in sex or anything…

He said he thought I’d be open to it even though I told him that my emotions were a high priority. He wanted to know how to talk to me

[TommyMountainFigure]

I hope that impression he's left on you @asker doesn't lead you to believe we are all that like because we aren't! Some of us know that no means no, but that it takes nothing away from friendship!

[DishLady]

Yeah it’s called gaslighting. You say NO and he tries to say as if your response was uncertain somehow, or unconvincing, etc. It’s a predatory PUA move. Get away from that guy.

@TommyMountainFigure I think a reasonable person will know that not all guys are like that. But glad you reinforced it.

[Asker]

Yes I’m traumatized and extremely hurt my his actions. I’ve never experienced something so hurtful bc I thought he would be someone who saw me as something more.. just the things he said.. I felt they were genuine things and I didn’t feel love bombed. I run away from that…

I cannot trust men and I’ve given up on the whole idea of love and would rather be a slut and free than to love someone.

Even though we talked months ago I still just can’t get over it and I confronted him saying he’s a sexual predator even though he did give me closure

I finally opened my eyes and saw that this was coercion and a guy told me that he was possibly doing it before he ended up ghosting me

But he was the only man I actually considered wanting to be with and he left me so hurt

And I always ask myself “why would he do this to me “

[DishLady]

Have you taken the time to speak with a professional about these feelings? I mean... respectfully, relationships take their toll on people and it's important to let go of the venom of a bad past experience in order to be able to handle a healthy future relationship.

[Asker]

Yes… I've gone the last couple months but I’ve been feeling so depressed and I feel it’s been worse… I’ve been considering quitting my job as a teacher to deal with my mental health… breaking my contract.

Tried to soothe myself with drugs or more male validation… trying to find reasons to hate him… but deep down finding it hard to let go.

It just really emotionally impacted me

[DishLady]

It's ok. Once you get past the depression phase you'll see that it wasn't you... and you'll be stronger. Have faith in the process, ok? It takes time.

[Asker]

Is him asking if my dad knows I dress a certain way online a way to show he actually cares?

[DishLady]

No. Nothing this bum is saying is an indication that he cares.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I feel like I've read this question before. How many times have you asked this, out of curiousity? Particularly wanting to date him, the reference to your dad and the online pics, the comment about you being crazy? It sounds familiar...

[Asker]

No different person but I think I’ve seen something similar

[lightbulb27]

laying a guilt trip might change her mind. this demonstrates their level of selfishness and immaturity. not a creature ya really want to mate with and possibly make offspring.

[TommyMountainFigure]

You ought to add the word 'some' to that sentence, because I'm a man and I've never done that!

[Purpleronnie]

Yet again another person who has judged an entire sex by the actions of one “man” , I use that term loosely of course.


ALL MEN DONT DO THIS !!


This guy, , well he certainly seems to have taken the rejection badly , I don’t know the circumstances to comment but do know that there are ways to soften the blow. Not saying to done anything wrong but it does happen. For example girl is flirty , likes getting male attention , guy interprets flirtations as “interest” guys can be awful at reading signals 😂 then proceeds to make a move. Move is rejected with malice , this then results in frustration because guy is confused at what he interpreted as mixed signals. This results in anger through embarrassment of rejection. Simple really and so easily avoidable.


This is just a small insight , there are a lot of variables and the fact that some guys and girls.. just can't do rejection at all well !!!

[SugarSugarplum]

I don't know,
1. Did they just drop $200 on a nice meal when they barely know you?
2. Does your dating profile seem to suggest you're easy (so you'll get more matches)?
3. Did you wear something that shows off a lot of cleavage and a short, short skirt?
Lots of things give men ideas. Maybe ask them why they thought you were easy.

[Asker]

Doesn’t matter what I post if I already told him that I wasn’t looking for sex and I made that clear

[SugarSugarplum]

OK, then, If he pushes, or even brings it up more than once after you said no, tell him you're leaving and you're not the girl he's looking for.

[Anonymous]

It’s not a thing about entitlement. Any man wants to have sex.
It’s about lack of self-control, as they let their frustration get ahead of their rationality, which should tell them: I feel like s**t because she doesn’t want me, but let’s accept that things are not how I want them to be.
I guess it’s frustrating for them to experience so much rejection, probably, but unless you strive every day to cope with frustration, life is going to crush you. I think it’s actually nicer to sleep with a woman after you’ve tried and failed with offers. You get satisfaction from accomplishing a goal

[hello123456789]

I am here to just tell you the truth. Men enjoy sex a lot. We do a lot of things in preparation for this event. Many times if a man doesn't have a bunch of options he will be desperate. If you deny him sex he will be very disappointed and want to spend time with someone else or do something else.

[molonski2]

Your obviously not together sexually , so therefore you are not together at all..

So who cares what he does or says? You dont want to be with him , so why possibly worry what he says. Just carry on with your life , its takes two to have a sexual relationship , and you are not in an SR.

[236color]

Again guys have a very high level (compared to women) of testosterone. It's a hormone that in the words of both Ken Wilber and George Carlin, engenders 2 and only 2 emotions "fuck it or kill it". Sometimes men feel they have been led on and that causes the anger.

[adventurous-1]

part of this question is are you leading them on? have you made a false impression to your intentions? Have you misled them? If the answer is no to all the above then that person is only interested in sex and upset they're not getting it so they're showing their displeasure to you. You need to find a better quality of man to invest your time in.

[Asker]

Visually yes. I love validation but I let him know that I wasn’t looking for anything casual or serious. I told him that my wellbeing comes first and if he is looking for sex find people who want the same thing

[Nik1hil]

🤣Men don't become Rude😁They Just Stop Investing into the Niceness they did expecting Pussy🤣 They become themselves and treat you like any other normal person..😁 you Go from Nice Treatment to Normal Treatment, Which is downtrend, Thus it's Feels RUDE. Trust me , It isn't Rude!

[ProbablyClueless]

Sometimes it's because their egos are hurt and they're taking it out on you. Other times it's because they just genuinely don't like who you are as a person and they were putting on a show.

People are weird, man...

[Caroline91]

@ProbablyClueless I get the feeling you're probably NOT clueless. lol

[Asker]

I think in this case it’s both but explain why him not liking me as a person……huh?

[ProbablyClueless]

Sometimes, when you feel chemistry with someone, a bunch of things they do that seem endearing at first are actually really annoying when that attraction isn't there anymore.

[JesseP1nk]

Considering the picture you take then you are surprised people wanna have sex with you? And then denie it... It is just confusing for people , THATS ALL . No need to become a full time official victim.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/fL-1kHxsavI

[Asker]

lol funny but no

I told him what I was looking for

Ik I’m a whore but I don’t want to get physical. My dad doesn’t need to know about how I’m dressed

[just_a_potato]

Because you didn't give them what they deserved! How dare you not sleep with them! Whore. They didn't want you anyways. 😭😤😤😡

[TonyMetal___86]

It's because they are with you only for sex and when you show them that there ain't going to be any sexual action before marriage they vanish!

Most men in these days are only with you just for sex!

Personally it makes me happy when a girl say that she wants sex only after marriage, it shows how much valuable and precious this girl is and since i'm with her for love than it won't matter to us, if things works out and we got married than sex comes in at the right time 😊

[Nikki1989]

Men think they are somehow entitled to sex. Life doesn't work that way.

[Kingofkings1992]

Some *

[HawkPerception]

Just pathetic dudes. Being kind to someone should not change based on whether they'll sleep with you or not.

[BetaBucks]

Men treat you like men when they don't have sexual interest in you. Most guys treat other guys pretty harshly. if you aren't going to sleep with him, he has no sexual interest in you. That's all there is to it.

[Meisdipa]

That's what they are working for to get.
That's their main goal with you.
When you say no they don't have to pretend and they becomes rude
PS Not all men

[Asker]

It hurts a lot

[Meisdipa]

Don't take it personally
just because they say it its not true and
fuck them you deserve someone who gives value.

[Asker]

The reason this hurts so much is hard to explain… but I set my boundaries day 1 with him and let him know what I wanted. I wasn’t interested in anything casual or romantic. I told him that I’m protecting my well being and if he wants sex to find it with people who want the same thing

I never felt loved bombed or anything but I felt he was being genuine.. he admitted that he wanted sex but that wasn’t all… and I had my guard up pretty high and I feel like he was patient and logical

Ugh I hate talking about it. Bc now I don't know if he was really trying to use me or what

[FunkyMonkee]

Those are called, self-centered ASSHOLES!! They're guys you shouldn't be fucking, anyway!! The ones you SHOULD be looking for not only know how to take that kind of rejection but show you respect BECAUSE of your choice!!

[SweetJoyGirl]

Frrrrr

Then they dip and make you feel like shi.

Maybe not all guys are like that, tho. We shall see.

[Asker]

Yes…. I never felt so shitty in my life but i brought this on myself

[Jay-_-]

"maybe" I'm here to clear that up NOT ALL GUYS ARE LIKE THAT.

[dustybiker2]

Their goal is to score. They find out the pitch is closed. You'd be upset too.

[Anonymous]

I agree with @SugarSugarplum and her comments and questions.

And I'll also ask, what guys are you dating and how/where are you meeting them? I have experienced guys like this, but not many, so I'm just curious.

[82lynx]

It’s pretty easy in most cases to lose guys like that. Tie a jacket or something around your waist; if they can’t see your behind they’re not likely to recognize you.

[LiamJHayden]

Those guys never cared about you in the least, but only about using you. They failed and are angry because they viewed you as a piece of meat, not as a unique individual.

[Asker]

Well this guy seemed like a genuine man and he never love bombed me or anything… I do post suggestive pics online but not for sex.. for validation. I told him I wasn’t into in sex or a relationship. I told him day I bc I wanted to protect my well being… we exchanged numbers everything was okay. I was kind of pushing him away but I ended up wanting him

We go on a date and he changes… he says he’s not ready for a relationship… he asked me if my dad knew about the content I post…. he asks when I was last intimate.. I tell him that I’m waiting for marriage..

[LiamJHayden]

Sounds like he was just better than most at hiding his true intentions. A guy who is really into you or cares about you will respect your boundaries.

[Anonymous]

they are sexually frustrated, wanted to use you for sex, since he can't get it, will have to go back to his hand tonight

[Asker]

I mean we were on a date and well he started talking about the pics I post and asked if my father would approve.

[Opinion Owner]

you should have kindly got up and left then. he should have no control over what you want to post or asking about what your father thinks

[Asker]

I couldn’t believe it

I’m just confused on what happened…

Like why would he even bring that up

[Opinion Owner]

i totally agree with you. i dont know. some people just don't know how to appropriately talk to people

[Ladsin2]

Men want sex from women. Women want attention from certain men. We both put on airs to get what we want. If you make it clear that he’s not going to get what he wants why would he give you what you want?

[Caroline91]

I guess only if he is a courteous guy who knows how to take no for an answer without it destroying his ego?

[Ladsin2]

What?

[Ms_Facesitter]

Because they got their feelings and ego hurt and are so full of themselves, that they surely expected you to say yes.

[HelpfulWoman]

if that was what they're after, then the kind fake mask falls off

[Anonymous]

in what way is he "rude/mean/demeaning"?

when he's no longer being romantic anymore?

that's what you call "rude/mean/demeaning"?

[thatshydork]

Because they’re not getting what they want and think they’re entitled to.

[DrPepper12]

Cuz were snowflakes with huge egos and can't take rejection? Its almost like they feel you OWE it to them. Its pathetic

[Anonymous]

You go on a date he finds out you do sex work and talks down to you after you turn him shut down the sex proposition?

Imagine getting turned down for sex from a prostitute - I'd be DEAD lmao. Ofc you hit his ego

[Asker]

I’m not a sex worker tho. I just love posting pics… I’m actually a virgin

[Opinion Owner]

Lmao. Preferring attention as opposed to hard cash doesn't change the fact that he saw you as a sex worker

[Peridot25]

@Opinion Owner So you’re saying a woman who posts pics of herself is a sex worker? Well, I guess I am one too since I post pics of myself.

[Opinion Owner]

@Peridot25 let's just say that if I happened to find hundreds of your nudes on some forum - I would 100% place you in the same bracket as sex workers regardless of you considering it as your hobby or job.

[Peridot25]

@Opinion Owner I don’t have nudes so 🤷‍♀️

[dragoblack]

Those aren't men, they are majorly insecure, d bag, boys who can't pull their dick out of their brain to understand what consent means

[Asker]

What are they majorly insecure about

[dragoblack]

More than likely their dick size and not having their ego stoked

[Asker]

Really? You think that is an indicator of a small pp?

Wouldn’t they not want to be sleeping around or wouldn’t they want to treat you better

[dragoblack]

Here's the thing about guys when it comes to insecurity of dick size. It doesn't necessarily mean that it's small, but rather they are unhappy with the size and/or girth. It's actually super common.

[dragoblack]

It comes from guys in society comparing themselves to guys in pornos, mixed fear of possibly being shamed for their size and/or girth in the bedroom.

[Asker]

Oh okay I see

Well he told me he was scared to sleep with because I’ll be crazier…. I don't know what that means and his sx skills

[Alex-Snow]

That sucks... I wish guys were not like that. Sure they want sex but they need to chill and masturbate until a girl is ready for sex in a relationship

[Sharkstealth]

I don't do any of those but mostly because none of them want to know much about me. I don't get angry at that either. I just move on.

[Dongie]

The answer to your question lies within the answer to; why do women get violent when you turn their offer for pussy down?

[Anonymous]

For the same reason women will dangle that cookie (😺) out there to try to EXTRACT whatever they want out of man be it money, resources or just attention.

Let's NOT pretend that women do not do the same thing.

[elizamichale1]

Coz their so called ego gets hurt n they just can't believe how a woman wouldn't listen

[OtterMan68]

because they think women owe them sex. They are jerks

[Jay-_-]

Because that specific "man" had different intentions, like I saw someone say on the replys put "some" before men. 😂

[Vegasrunner]

Please provide an example of how they're rude or mean?

[Asker]

So I went on a date with this guy who I had already told that I wasn’t interested in sex or a relationship… but he seemed to like me in the beginning so I gave it a shot…

I do post suggestive pics online… he knew that… I told him that I wanted to wait until marriage

I just realized that may have hurt his ego… but I feel like he tried to humble me or devalue me in a sense…

Like him saying “I’m scared to sleep with you because you’ll be crazier “

“When were you last intimate “

“Does your dad know about the pics you post”

Trying to make it seem like he just recently had sex.

Implying that I find another guy

(He said all of that)

[Vegasrunner]

@asker TY for this. It proves a few things that I teach guys. Women have no problem going out w/ guys they're not interested in because it's no risk to them. As soon as u said you weren't interested he should have found a better girl. I don't understand why you posting photos would have any effect on his ego.

[Asker]

True… I thought maybe he actually liked me … and I did like him a lot but I just wasn’t ready and I wanted him to find what he’s looking for.

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker probably doesn't have many options.

[Friendlybro79]

Because they're probably just rude in general.

[Evamee]

Some ig are used to getting what they want if they spend time with a girl

[Anonymous]

They wanted sex and didn't get sex. They probably act that way whenever they dont get what they want.

[Asker]

Yeah, spoiled. He’s the baby out of all his siblings

[CubaPirate]

Because unfortunately some men are just assholes

[Apple1996]

Men feel entitled to womens bodies

[WhitneySnow]

Because guys who are like that are assholes

[Peridot25]

Only rapists get mad at the word no.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes that's all they want.

[Nifrayu]

They're just bad people.

[NotSlowestSloth]

Why women are salty after I reject them?

[smashleyy]

Blow to the ego

[Asker]

But I actually liked him so much

[smashleyy]

Sorry he ended up a disappointment. On the bright side better to see his true colours and where his intentions lie before he bedded you if a fling wasn’t what you were looking for

[war_daddy]

duh, because you pissed them off

[Christiansoul]

Men love obedient women.

[sawno]

Hurt ego

[Julian7312]

Insecure and needy

[Asker]

Why are they insecure?

[Julian7312]

Too much rejection in their past.

[Asker]

I actually wanted to be with him.

[Julian7312]

Maybe he's been rejected by other girls before he met you

[Asker]

Well he asked me when I was last intimate but when I asked him he just snickered and looked away.

[Julian7312]

That's not very kind. Sounds like a double standard. Not okay in my opinion

[Asker]

I think he was confused because I post suggestive pictures but I told him I wanted to wait until marriage… I think he thinks I’m already having sex based on my pictures.

He even made the comment “does your dad know about your content “

[Julian7312]

Yes, I can totally see that. It's understandable that you want to wait until marriage. It might be a difficult thing to talk about but you might want to find some way to make sure he knows that

[Asker]

He already knew because I told him…. I just don’t understand why he brought my father up and the pics I post?

[Julian7312]

If he already knows it's kind of uncool for him to bring your dad into it... maybe he's just upset that he doesn't think things can go past a certain point and he's not handling it as well as he should. Not very cool at all

[Asker]

But he also said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that he was scared to sleep with me because he was afraid I would get crazier so I’m confused

[Julian7312]

I guess you have it right there, from him. It sucks when someone you like isn't ready / can't reciprocate your feelings. But I think people are happiest when they can find someone who's serious about being with someone else.

[Asker]

So was him bringing up my father a way to insult me? I still don’t understand

[Julian7312]

It was kind of insulting. My intimate feelings and what I do intimately is none of my parents business. It sounds condescending to me, almost treating you like a little girl. I'd be kind of pissed

[Asker]

Why would he be treating me like a little girl

[Julian7312]

Well I can't read his mind but he sounds judgmental. Sometimes when someone can't handle getting into a relationship they try to break it off in any way they can, including being rude. It might be defensive, but not okay in any case

[Asker]

It hurt a lot

[Julian7312]

Sounds like you deserve better than that