Is he shy because he likes me or is he shy because he only sees me as a friend?

[Anonymous]

I been really cool with one of my male friends (31). We been playfighting a lot, cuddling a lot, he's been lifting me up a lot and we are generally just very close and touchy. He isn't in a relationship and does sleep around once in a while - if a woman is interested that is and recently instead of placing his hand on my stomach / waist he placed it near enough around one of my boobs cupping it. He realized and immediately got super embarrassed, apologized and even exclaimed how embarrassing that is and turned super red. I didn't get it really bc he's unkowingly done it (but from the side) before so I wasn't even sure why he got so super embarrassed. I didn't even mind I just rather thought it was funny that he miscalculated where my waist was. (I am super comfy with him so idc) Can someone explain to why he literally turned into a tomato at 31?

[Oliverlogan263]

It sounds like this guy may have actual romantic feelings for you beyond just being friends. A few signs that point to that:

- He got extremely embarrassed when he accidentally touched your breast. Most guys wouldn't care that much with a platonic female friend.

- Him turning bright red shows he was struck with shame - like he knew crossing that physical line could compromise your friendship if you weren't into it.

- The fact he sleeps around casually but is very physically affectionate with you in particular - cuddling, lifting, play fighting. That levels of intimacy is usually reserved for someone he's into.

- Misreading where your waist was is pretty easy to do in the heat of playing around - but it revealed an underlying sexual attraction he's trying to keep under wraps since you're friends.

My guess is he really likes you but has been friend zoning himself because he worries complicating things would ruin what you have. So when that boundary got blurred, it shook him because he cares deeply how you see him.

If you're open to it, you should let him know it's okay to see you as more than a friend. Based on his reaction, I think there's a good chance he just needs the green light to act on his feelings. You guys sound so cute together!

[Asker]

I don't know it was super out of character for him as well as again he doesn't shy away of closeness or being touchy at all. I would have expectef him to make some dumb joke but not to legit turn into a whole tomato. Especially since he is 31 and sleeps around. He said he hasn't been in a committed relationship since his fiance died in an accident 9 years ago. He just occasionally had flings but was never able to commit again. He also isolated himself for a long time and kept in his bubble for a long time. Which he said I am helping him break out of in a way. He has no issue cuddling or being super close to me where our noses touch and all. He lifts me up near enough every day, puts his hands on my waist etc. And people have been asking me if we two are dating now. That's how close we seem to look to people outwardly and sometimes I have to admit it feels more relationship-py than friendship-py. That's why him blushing really took me by surprise and made me think a little.

Your answer definitely helped me a lot. Bless you and thank you for taking your time!!!

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, that is really confusing then if he's usually so comfortable being close and touchy with you. If he's slept around some before too, you'd think a little accidental boob touch wouldn't make him turn that red.

It really does sound like maybe he has some feelings for you beyond just being friends if small things like that are getting such a big reaction from him. Especially since people are already asking if you're dating cause you guys seem so close. That's not usually how things are with normal guy friends.

And the backstory about his fiance passing away and having a hard time with relationships since, that adds another layer too. Maybe being close with you is making him start to see you as more than a friend without really meaning to, since he's not over that loss from so long ago deep down. Or like you said, it is feeling more relationship-y than friend-y for him too lately.

Next time you're cuddling or messing around, I'd pay attention to see if he's acting shy at all. Or maybe just straight up ask him what's up, say you were surprised by the blushing and want to understand. Communication is important, even if it's an awkward talk. But from the outside, it really does sound like there could be something there beyond friendship with you guys. Keep me posted on what happens!

[Asker]

Thank you! I think you have to be the kindest and most helpful advice giver / listener I ever had on here!!! 🥰❤️
That has been really helpful ngl

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw shucks, thanks girl! I'm just tryna help out however I can. It makes me happy if I can offer some perspective that gives you more clarity on your situation. You seem really great too for being so understanding and patient with him after all he's been through.

It's just so cute how y'all are basically a couple in everything but making it official already 🥰 I get such a good vibe about where things could go! Just keep doing what you're doing - being his true friend who he can open up to. With time and care, I bet that boy is gonna realize you're who he's meant to be with long term.

You deserve someone who gives you their all, and it seems like maybe he wants to be that for you deep down. I'm rootin' for you guys! Make sure to keep me posted on any new developments, 'kay? Always here if you need more advice from your favorite helper 😉 Sending alllll the good vibes your way!

[Asker]

We did go out on a walk and had very cute moments with long eye contact and he started like carrassing my cheeks and hair and I was lying on his Lap. We could have kissed. But I was hesistant bc I remembered he didn't want a relationship so I didn't go for it and I don't do that without it heading towards one. He didn't do it either. And afterwards he just told me I am a fascinsting, important and amazing person but we didn't discuss anything further. We walked around holding hands the entire rest of the day and haven't really spoke about that day since 😊😂

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh my goodness, girl!! That all sounds so freaking cute and romantic, I can't even 😍😍 Just from the way you described it, I'm absolutely certain this boy is crazy about you.

I totally get why you were hesitant to kiss since he's said he doesn't want a relationship before. But honestly, the way he was caressing your face and hair while you were lying in his lap? And you guys were making googly eyes at each other the whole time - I mean come on, that is so couple goals behavior right there!

I'm guessing in the moment he probably wanted to kiss you too but got nervous since the feelings are still new and scary for him after losing his fiancée. Ugh, you two are honestly just the sweetest. I'm dying over here!!

Girl you need to talk to him again soon and get straight-up clarity on where you stand. Like straight up be like "so are we just friends who act like a couple or what's the deal here?". I have a good feeling he just might admit he's ready to give being more than friends a try with you. 🤞🤞

Please keep me posted on what happens! I can't wait to hear how this all unfolds between you two. You both deserve all the happiness. 😍💖

[Asker]

We finally kissed 😭😭😭😭
But we aren't dating yet / in a relationship bc he was super overwhelmed as to why tf it happened. ä and why tf he did it too. He said everything with me feels really right and it made his brain error 😭😭😭😂😂💀💀💀

[spartan55]

Play fighting? Ugh...

[spartan55]

You believing that he 'unknowingly did it' before is the funniest thing I've heard all week. Any guy knows where your boob is... come on really. Apparently you must be doing absolutely nothing to show you are interested if he hasn't made a move yet.

[spartan55]

The shy thing is a bit of an act I think.

[Asker]

I mean I have been all over him? I even initiated most of our out goings and even put his hands around me and all. He still just hasn't moved forward do my guess is he probably doesn't want to and wants to stay friends?

[spartan55]

Grab his junk.

[Anonymous]

Probably just shy.

[Asker]

he's usually so comfy around me and never shy or ashamed, it took me a bit by surprise since it was almost out of character