Is it wrong for me to send a letter to the church about the man who deceived me?

[Anonymous]

It’s been a year and I can’t seem to get over the hurt he caused.. I feel hopeless and I feel that I’m at risk for losing everything I worked hard for including my teaching license because I can’t get my mental health together that is revolving around him. I hate him.

I went on a date with a guy that ended up only wanting something casual after I expressed to him that I didn’t want that and he made it seem like he wanted something more.. and it hurt because of how he made me feel initially.

then I found out he’s possibly bisexual and has an attraction to trans women and that caused more anger on top of him disrespecting and disregarding me. It’s like I was nothing… he lied, manipulated and then insulted me in the end.

he doesn’t fully understand the pain he caused by being a selfish liar.. and then to know I’m a hurt or wounded individual and he really played on that. It’s sick

Not wrong for sending the letter

Wrong for sending the letter

He deserves it

You’ll get in trouble

[ohsheeT]

If you think you're going to hurt him somehow and get even by telling the church so everybody knows who he is and what he's all about will end up hurting you more in the long run

You have to accept it and you have to let it go

Take all the positives that you got from it hold on to them or let him go take all the negatives that you learned from it acknowledge them and let them go

You have to understand something when you're with somebody and you fall deeply in love with them

Because of all the different reasons on who that person is how he treats you

And then when making love to somebody and if you have never had somebody WOW you before.. there's a moment of clarity right before you're going to orgasm you can look into each other's eyes and you can tell exactly what they're thinking and your feeling something that you have never felt before and most people call it love because they don't know any other word for it this guy is making me feel like this this is love he really loves me


This is not love this is two energies becoming one and when you allow that to happen you allow yourself to feel things within you that change you he might have known how to use his tool but you are the one that we're feeling this feeling you are the one that was all you that wasn't him that was you all he did was open the door you did the rest so

You can say however you want to on the things that he did or said to you

But I understand something the things that you felt they only come from you that was you so if you're mad because of that because you thought it was him and you're pissed off at him because he's walking away and you're never going to feel that again well I guarantee it you're going to feel it again if a guy knows how to use his tool and every other part of him you're going to feel it good and you can probably feel it better
Because in that department all guys are not equal so if you felt it believe me you're going to feel it again but don't make him look bad because it's going to make you look bad are you going to have people causing drama interfering in your life they want to talk about it well forget that crap the less people that know the more better off you're going to be

But if you let it go that's the best way to handle it because if you try to get even or get back at him no matter how you want to say it that's what you would be doing but anyway two wrongs don't make a right and it's just keeps the fuel on the fire the only way you're going to let that fire and is to let it go out so you don't need to bring it up
Because that would be your next thing people are talking about me blah blah blah you hurt me I hate you you hurt me people know what we did well they wouldn't know if you didn't tell them or somebody

I mean I know you're hurt and I really am sorry about that but I understand those feelings came from you so if it was that good I would say it's his loss not yours

And if you do let it go that's the way it would be right there in the end that's the way it will be

[Asker]

I’m not attracted to gay men or bisexual men who watch tranny porn , mmf and anal.. and had the nerve to want to sleep with me.. we didn’t sleep together but it still triggered me… badly

My life is completely over

[ohsheeT]

Yeah I can understand that 100%, that kind of stuff kind of turns me off too
But you still have to be careful because you know how people talk and you know how people exaggerate and you can say one sentence and by the time it gets back to you it'll be 20 sentences of stuff that you don't even know about that you did LOL

[ohsheeT]

I didn't see the bottom part of that know your life is not completely over your life is just starting believe me there are a lot of guys out there that are just right for you. I could see where you're coming from but if you didn't do anything then you have to just erase it from your mind and move on because by holding on to it by talking about it through the church or whatever it's always going to be there and you don't want it there you want to let it go as quickly as possible

[Oliverlogan263]

Sis, I completely understand why you're hurt and angry about this. Being misled and disrespected like that is so unfair.

However, I don't think sending a letter to the church is the right move here. For one thing, his sexuality and dating preferences are his personal business - as long as everything was lawful and consensual between you two.

More importantly, I don't think confronting him publicly will make you feel any better in the long run. The best revenge is living well and finding your happiness. Focus on taking care of your mental health so this jerk can't sabotage your career.

Maybe write a letter to yourself instead, getting all the ugly feelings out, then burn it and let it go. Or talk it through with a friend or therapist. They can help you work past the anger in a healthy way.

Please don't let one dishonest guy ruin your view of relationships or yourself. This sad experience says nothing about your worth. Stay strong - you've got so much wonderful life ahead of you still! Feel free to call me if you need an ear, 'kay sis?

[Asker]

I was going to write a letter about the church being more open to other peoples sexuality

[Oliverlogan263]

Ohhh okay, I understand now. Writing to the church about being more open and accepting of different sexualities is actually a really good idea. So many people struggle with feeling alone or ashamed because of who they are, and the church shouldn't make anyone feel that way.

Maybe in your letter you could talk about how God made all people equally, and we should embrace our differences instead of judging each other. You could point out loving and accepting people of any orientation isn't promoting anything wrong - it's just being kind. And that Jesus was always loving and reaching out to people society ignored.

I'd keep the focus on love and inclusion. You don't want to come across as attacking them or their beliefs. Lead with understanding different views but that more openness could help people in need of support feel less alone. They may need time to think about it, but getting your message out there politely is worth a try.

Good for you for standing up for what's right. I think with patience and compassion, churches can learn to spread God's message of acceptance for everyone. Fingers crossed they're open to your perspective too. Let me know if you want help crafting or editing the letter - I've got your back!

[IslaTheWitch]

you will feel that way as long as you let his actions define you... and they shouldn't define you, they should define him...

so... first realize who you are, for what you love yourself and what are important things in your life... did this man add anything to your life? if not, forget him and focus on IMPORTANT stuff... you can't change other people, but you can change how YOU feel about their actions, so work on it...

the letter? wasn't necessary... didn't change a thing for you... and wouldn't because you are the only person that can change how you feel and revenge is an act of killing part of your own soul...

[Flower7]

Don't send the letter. It would only put your personal business out there.

[Asker]

It was actually going to be a letter on accepting one’s sexuality

[Flower7]

But since he hurt you, why would you want to encourage the church to be more accepting of him?

[Asker]

Im not but I can’t send a rude letter to them… saying he’s a gay man who likes trannys … I have to speak in their language

[HollyK21]

Please don’t waste your time Flower. This is not a real situation.

[Asker]

@HollyK21 it may not be to YOU. Let people make their own decisions.

[HollyK21]

There’s no decisions to be made because this story isn’t true! Fuck sake Chels this is so far from where you started I can’t believe you spew all this nonsense, go back and forth with people, waste their time, then come back and lie some more. It’s ridiculous!

[Asker]

@HollyK21 What am I not being honest about?

I couldn’t care less. I’m not looking for your validation on a man that is predatory. It’s not your story to tell to begin with.

[HollyK21]

I don’t give a damn who’s story it is to tell, you are slandering the hell out of this man and risking your entire career. You just won’t stop! I hope you get what you want so bad and he DOES come across your posts, because he needs to know he can potentially be in danger. My god if only he knew one date would lead to this. If only he knew 14 days would lead to this a year later! He never touched you, clarified specifically that he wanted no sex from you and his comments carried no sexual connotation, he did what he could! You better hope the police don’t get involved if he does find out, once they see all you’ve done, my goodness your screwed.

[Asker]

@HollyK21 how is he in danger?

I’ve deleted everything that exposed him online.

[HollyK21]

Even a factory reset won’t erase everything you’ve done online, that’s how Stephan Sterns got caught earlier this year.

[Asker]

@HollyK21 well Holly okay

[236color]

Churches have a history of blaming victims for a woman "Making a man of God stumble". Writing his church will likely have no effect on him, but you may end up with a bunch of church ladies stalking you to get you to recant, repent, apologize for something HE did. Get some therapy and move on.

[HollyK21]

What’s sick is your obsession with this man. Weren’t you going to check yourself into the psych ward to get some help? Because it’s due time.

[Asker]

How sick is your obsession with me. Get off my nuts. Let it go!

[HollyK21]

If calling your weird ass out everytime in the hopes that others won’t waste their breathe trying to help you with your LIES is an obsession, then it sure is a fun one😘

[HollyK21]

How sick is it that you went on ONE date, knew the man 14 days and still trying to slander him a YEAR LATER? When he did nothing to you! Never touched you never nothing! So fucking weird you need help already.

[Asker]

I’m not going back and forth with someone who wasn’t even there and who doesn’t understand what happened.. you don’t even know what my voice sounds like.

You’re wasting your breath! he's THE WEIRDO!

[HollyK21]

Ok crazypants.

[Asker]

You can call me whatever you want but I’m glad you’re showing me how you really feel.

I don’t need your validation anymore about this situation. At the end of the day you weren’t there.

[HollyK21]

Lmao please, you showed me how you really feel a longggg time ago, I’m just returning the energy for once! You don’t need validation what you need is professional help and I hope you stick to getting it.

[Asker]

Great. Take care

[spartan55]

What is that going to accomplish? I'll answer for you, NOTHING.

[Notherndude84]

Keep religion out of your personal life. The church doesn’t care about your problems anyway.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

What do you expect the letter to do?