Why does my boyfriend ignore me when I tell him he did something that upset me?

Question

WindAtMyBack · Accepted Answer

There is no way to know. But one guess is that he is just being a guy. Whatever you are upset about, he doesn't take it seriously because he would not be upset about the same thing.

Guys also tend to internalize a lot more and deal with things themselves. So he thinks that whatever you are upset about, you should just deal with it. That's just guy thinking. Women get upset about a LOT of stuff that guys consider totally trivial, and so they simply ignore it.

Now that might not be the case, but it's my first guess.

Eventually you might both come to understand that men and women really aren't the same. Understanding the differences and accepting them is the first step. He needs to understand that if you are upset about something, it should be important to him, even if he would not be upset about the same thing. But you also need to understand that even if he acknowledges that you are upset, he may have no clue why you'd be upset over such a thing.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

That’s a major red flag it means either he does not know how to process it or that he doesn’t care. Normal people care about their partners feelings I’m sure he wouldn’t like it if he expressed being upset by something you did but you ignored him and kept doing it.

That’s red flags that you need to look out for especially if it happens a lot. You should be able to have normal communication you communicating is not being immature. Being passive aggressive, expecting someone to read their mind, and things like that. If he would rather find someone like that he can go find someone who will play those games.

You don’t deserve that though.

KBird · Accepted Answer

Some people can't take criticism. They take it too personally, and can either ignore you or can become incredibly defensive, and will try to prove what they did was right. My boyfriend does this on occasion, so we just talk it out, or agree to disagree in the end. But, we talk. In previous relationships, I had partners who ignored me, and I dealt with it for awhile, but eventually broke up with them. I don't know I felt like I was being disrespected or unheard. Like if 'X' really bothers you, and they dont want to make the effort to change that habbit, and to make you feel more comfortable, then do they really care for you?

I would bring this up sooner rather than later to him.

Chevy1_kb · Accepted Answer

Mines done the same all the time ignored me or starting moaning about it I said why can't you just talk it over with me calmly instead of causing an argument about it your to annoyed because your in the bad seat well think before you take action then you won't be the bad on comprondivo

OneViewpoint · Answer

Probably because you're upset again because he failed to read your mind or pick up on your less than "obvious hints" and you've never let any disagreement go and you can never admit your own culpability in any disagreement.

That's when men simply walk away mentally and emotionally. And eventually they walk away physically. What other response would make more sense? He's just logging all the instances of your behavior and mulling over the point at which he's had enough. He's already decided he can't talk to you.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Any examples of what you're getting upset about?  I mean if it's a bunch of stupid shit you shouldn't be upset about, I'm going to ignore you too.  But I appreciate you

emmie12 · Answer

this is common in abusive relationships instead of addressing the problem at hand they continue to ignore you makeing you feel worthless and eventually once you give up they will do more and more things this is very dangerous in relationships and can lead to martial problems in the future my best advice is this tell your boyfreind your feeling unheard and if they cannot address issues with you when brought up in a calm and polite manor then you will end the relationship this gives them a chance to really choose and makes it so your not the one to blame if things dont work out. the last bit is just for those who feel like they are at fault when breakups happen

RedTiefling · Answer

I think it depends, maybe how you said it? If I take your question at face value I would say I wouldn't even be friends with someone like that, let alone my partner.

Why he ignores it, he may think it's not that big of a deal and does not want to entertain the conversation.

Again take with a grain of salt because I don't know details.

trumpetplayerforlife · Answer

Maybe he has trauma but honestly most the time it means they don't care... my man will hold me til I talk about why I'm upset and defuse my mental break downs and help me threw it even if he doesn't know how... but I've dated men who would ignore me when I was upset who I now know aren't real men they are boys

Levin · Answer

Sounds rather immature. But most likely never was shown a healthy way of dealing with his emotions and conflict growing up. Maybe his parents 'cut him off' if he did something to their distaste.

JSmith925 · Answer

It is called passive aggression. It is a control and manipulation maneuver. You can look it up in the DSM V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Fifth Edition).

Anonymous · Answer

Because in your eyes a lot of things he does probably upsets you. You probably complain a lot about things that “upset” you. I’d get irritated w it as well. Seems like e wetting men do upsets women.

FunnyButNotFunnyHaHa · Answer

How often do you tell your boyfriend he did something that upset you? Because if you're doing it every day, he's probably sick of it. He probably sees it as nagging/whining.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Maybe it hurt his pride and he can't face that he did something that upset you. Or he doesn't know how to handle criticism.

aahleynarrawhor2 · Answer

Because he knows if he doesn’t give you drama you will find a reason to leave and he would rather keep Having sex even if your a bitch

Makeushiver · Answer

He could simply be processing what you asked. I don't think he would be upset if you were to ask him for an answer if/when he arrives at one

Cormac995 · Answer

That is inappropriate and disrespectful behavior for a partner to exhibit.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

Because he's immature and can't handle that he will fuck up occasionally but needs to just take the L for it.  Not a good thing

Anonymous · Answer

My boyfriend also does it. If i do anything he does not like he gives me silent treatment. I accepted follow request from two guys and now he is ignoring me. He never apologises for hurting me. He ignores if i tell him he hurts me.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Because he wants to do whatever he wants to do, and doesn''t want to hear that it's having a negative impact on you.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I believe both parties don't care anymore to resolve anything.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

you should have stopped here... "Why does my boyfriend ignore me"?

HungTexan · Answer

If he didn’t respond, he’s immature and may not be worth your time.

HighlyQuestionable · Answer

No idea, If he doesn't address your concern in some way, he probably isn't properly engaged in the relationship.

tfan1 · Answer

He takes you for granted, he’s an asshole, doesn’t care about you - find someone that treats you with respect and love.

Yannae · Answer

Because the relationship is not at all what it uses to be. The love is gone or fading away slowly if it hasn't already

princeofromance · Answer

He is trying to avoid the argument that follows.

satinpetals · Answer

Because most guys don’t deal with confrontation with a woman that well

Anonymous · Answer

Because he's worked out that this'll be an endless stream, a bit like tinnitus, and it's up to you to make your world perfect, not him.

Anonymous · Answer

Because you make up stories every day to spam and troll

LiamS95 · Answer

He doesn't care enough about you to listen to you.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

Men = lair. Do something fool he will listen

KrakenAttackin · Answer

He's tired of your petty bullshit and constant need for drama.

JerseyGirl2006 · Answer

Sounds like he’s being manipulative maybe it’s time for a new one.

Billlewis · Answer

You deserve better.

gemb00 · Answer

Men don’t care if they upset women.

danielle872024 · Answer

To avoid a fight

shortster · Answer

What was the thing?

jahaims · Answer

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