Am I being too harsh?

[Anonymous]

I'm having a hard time today. My boyfriend has a discord with his friends. These are people he's met offline and knows. I've met all of them on the game we play together. My boyfriend is a sweet guy, he has my selfie as his background on his phone. He hangs out with my friends and I, and treats my friends like his own.

I was scrolling through the discord and I seen that he had a NSFW tab and I asked him about it, he was saying we usually post stuff when we are talking about something. His friend is a NSFW artist, anyways he put me in it. And it was like 2 or 3 posts of separate half naked women (not fully naked)

I freaked out and told him to remove me from it. And I been silent with him. I told him that seeing that made me insecure cause he was the one who posted it in there while we were together. He told me that it wasn't like that, that it always had context. It was off social media, it wasn't women he knew.

This man is very honest and I appreciate how honest and transparent he was with me. But at the same time it hurt me. And he's been apologizing about it a lot today, but I'm needing my own time to think.

Im not looking for advice, im just venting. I do really like him, but that was just hurtful. Like he never pressures me into anything, he let's me decide when im ready. When I bring a problem up he always fixes it right away.

[Screenwriter]

Are you saying he used your face, and or body, in some half-naked, cut and paste posts shared between him and his buds online without your permission?

A big no-no and mistake. I'm guessing if it's NOT your body, but your face attached to an artistic rendering, he might see this as harmless. But it DOES make you some sort of sexual object for his friends, which is weird, to say the least.

Have you known this guy a long time? If you have, and this is the only goofy thing he's done, well, being angry and upset is reasonable.

I hope you have a long talk with him, and explain how this is a transgression he never should've done. If he wanted to MAKE UP an anime-ish female, that's one thing. BUt using your face steps over a line.

Ask him how he'd feel if you used his face on a hot male body and passed it around to your online girlfriends without asking him if this was OK. He might find this fine, but make sure he knows the same is NOT true for you.

He's a bit old to be doing something so juvenile, too. Good luck straightening this out.

[Asker]

It wasn't me! It was random women from social media, I should've made that more clear. If it was me I would've left him on the spot cause that would've been awful.

[Screenwriter]

OK, so he and his buddies made a "composite" woman from various faces and bodies found on the internet.

Sounds juvenile, but relatively harmless. The assembled body was NO real person. True. It objectifies females. But that is a male preoccupation.

All you can do is say you find it offensive and disrespectful to women. It's sort of like a two dimensional blow up doll. Or 2-D Frankenstein woman. A card game among dudes. using available body parts shown on the internet.

Women POST these images. You can't blame guys for using them. They aren't pornographic, just sexy for the guys.

You can still talk to him about it, but it's pretty innocent. Sounds more like teen age boys.

[Anonymous]

I’m glad you vented with this and blew off some steam, yeah it was best not knowing what was going on… Sometimes curiosity killed the cat.

I will say that since he is an honest, transparent, and apologetic partner it truly resonates his true intentions. His friend is a NSFW artist, it is women you don’t know personally, and it is disgusting & offputting to you while to them it is just a friend showcasing his work or whatever.

Bottomline, you deserve your time to process this and take your time to understand the man that you love dearly. It is good to vent and to take time to truly let everything process. Prayers to you.