Was I too harsh?

[Josh6854]

So I've been casually sleeping with this girl for about 10 months now, we're not in a relationship tho she's asked if we could date a few times , I'm just working on myself. I went on business trip that was scheduled for 3 weeks, it's been about 2 months now longer than expected. She recently slept with someone else while I was not there , I was upset and in my upset shock I said she was really for the streets, she went silent a d he response were we're not in a relationship so what should it matter. I told her that I was just looking about for her so she doent get run through by a million guys and not know who the father of her child is and she should have better self control. I've been working here and haven't slept with anyone else I trusted her not too. She hasn't talked to me in the last 5 days. Was I wrong for saying that, I like her a lot I'm just not in the right mental state for a relationship rn, I'm working on myself but I don't want a relationship. This is the second guy she's slept with if she hasn't slept with anyone other than the guy she told me about. Maybe if I told her from the getgo I didn't want a relationship when she asked me out. I picked her Cherry 3 months into us hanging out and she asked if we could be in a relationship when I said no she said she didn't want one either. Wish I saw this sooner. I didn't mean anyharm just looking out for her.

Updates

7 mo

Texted her I missed her yesterday and she was unnecessarily cold. Telling me how it looks bad to text that someone at 12am in the night. The conversation ended when I said it didn't and she responded with good night, she clearly doesn't care about herself so y should I?

[spartan55]

Uh... yeah you weren't harsh, you were an asshole of the highest order. Dude, you are not 'looking out for her'! Spare us the bullshit. You are pissed because some other dude dipped into your free 🥧 pie. That's part of the sleazy friends with benefits/situationship/fuckbuddy landscape. You wanted it, deal with it.
If you need to 'work on yourself so much then you shouldn't be in ANY sort of relationship. She's following the game YOU set up and wanted, and now you're crying about it? You claimed that you 'like her a lot' but you really don't. You don't say things like that to women, especially women you like.

[Josh6854]

I was upset when I said those things but she kinda needed to hear them , I had her best interest at heart. I told her those things because I like her and yeah she might hate it but its lesson she'd learn sooner or later from another guy who might be harsher. Yh I was upset she didn't wait like I was but if I was in a relationship with her I'd be worried I'd be getting cheated on I dodged a bullet

[spartan55]

I'd say it's the other way around. You don't seem to get it. She didn't 'need to hear' anything like that from you. Saying she will be run through by a million guys because she slept with one other dude? You are out of your mind.

[EricSummer]

Yes, you were. You did not agree sexual exclusivity with her and you did not even agree to be in a relationship with her.

It would be best to simply agree these things and not to leave them to interpretation. You could then expect her to be faithful to you and you should do the same.

[Josh6854]

I'm not the type to sleep around, I sleep with one person at a time. I thought our exclusivity was unspoken, I can't deal with her if she's gonna sleep with someone else.

[strawberrybaby3]

Soooo if you don’t want a relationship, who are you to tell her who she can or can’t sleep with? She isn’t your property. And don’t expect anybody to wait around for you while you work on yourself. If you don’t want her sleeping with other men, be with her. If you choose to not do that, don’t get upset with what she’s doing.

[Josh6854]

I have no right to tell her what to do but she shoukd do better for herself is all I'm saying. She shouldn't be sleeping with multiple guys at the same time. If it's me it's gonna just be me.

[spartan55]

That's not how casual works.

[HappyWoman34]

Yes. It sounds like you were harsh because you realised that you’re in love with her and you don’t know how to handle it. Not that that excuses it. Unless you’re just seeking ways to manipulate her.

[Josh6854]

I'm not using her I genuinely like her, she's sweet , a bit shy and extremely honest she never hides anything. I'm just not in a good mental state right now.

[HappyWoman34]

Oh I see. Now I see. You’ve fallen in love with her, but you’re afraid to love, as you think now isn’t the right time. Well, love and timing don’t always go together and if you wait for a perfect time, you’ll just miss out. I advise you to have courage friend and go for it. Just tell her the truth. That you’ve just realised you’re in love with her and you’re afraid to be vulnerable. But you want to be her long term boyfriend.

[HappyWoman34]

Apologise for hurting her feelings and say you’ll never speak to her like that again. What’s considered weak and unmanly by men, is considered sensitive and strong to women.

[HappyWoman34]

Good luck xo

[Josh6854]

Tried she refuses to talk to me, cold short responses and turning off her camera when I try video calling her, she also changed jobs last month , I dropped by her old work place.

[Josh6854]

She also took time off uni , all I have is the fact that she hasn't blocked me yet.

[Josh6854]

What should I do?

[HappyWoman34]

Probably best to move on now. Learn from this, not to speak to future women this way. xo

[Josh6854]

We met up tonight, she's a little stand offish with me tho, sitting on the opposite side of the bench. Her brother parked in the larking lot and waited on her. I asked if she could ask him to go cause we might talk for a while she said he had no problem waiting, we talked tho she didn't look at me, I asked her about the new guy, she said they weren't in a relationship cause she couldn't bring herself to like him. She laughed at me joke but she didn't look at me the whole time then she left after 30 minutes. she's as closed off as when we first I don't think she trusts me anymore. She's normally really talkative but she didn't say much and nodded mostly.