Would you rather get meaningless phone calls and text from a guy or just enjoy it?

[Anonymous]

After admitting you had feelings, or you liked him way more than he liked you, even though he said he likes you?

Updates

9 mo

And it’s just talking about the same thing asking how your day was etc. and never goes anywhere

[Anonymous]

I will not entertain a boring, stagnant connection. Moral of the story here is that he knows you like him a whole lot more than he likes you, and his feelings for you are not enough to actually act on them, just waste your time with his boredom and loneliness. When I was in your shoes I got fed up with the same questions that don’t go anywhere and same lack of effort. He’s only blocking the door for the right guy to walk through.

[Asker]

The thing is I like the attention , yes but when it comes to my feelings, that’s where I’m more protective over. He’s been like pursuing me every day for six months. A day never went by where we haven’t talked or called each other other. We’ve seen each other in person. I think keep him as a friend, but he keeps flirting with me way more than a “friend” should. At one point he said he likes being alone. I don’t know if he meant living alone or just relationship wise. I’m pretty sure relationship wise, but I don’t know obviously he’s probably telling this to other girls which makes me feel like I’m obviously stupid. But he keeps telling me he misses waking up next to me and stuff like that. He said we will always be friends, no matter what happeneds. Basically one day I guess he wasn’t feeling well and we weren’t really talking and I said don’t worry I’m here if you need anything that’s what friends are for. He thanked me. Then all of a sudden he started getting more flirtatious all these text messages calling a little bit more and I’m like wait what? I mean, obviously we both have options. It’s a no-brainer but for my part, I don’t really have options right now, even though I want to. I’m not trying to settle for anything less, but obviously my mind is ignoring it.

[Opinion Owner]

I was in a similar situation long ago for about two years, and my biggest takeaway from that is to really advocate for your time by being strict about what guy gets it. With the dude in question, now that the waters have been muddied with flirting and romance, you may not be able to return to a purely platonic connection unless you are very intentional about making sure it stays that way. As single people, I know it’s fun to flirt and nice to have that sort attention, but as we start getting to a certain age you’ve got to be more serious about connections. Like If you want marriage and kids and you’re in your 30s how I am, we don’t have the same carefree youth, fertility and etc as in our 20s. Wasting another year giving your attention and time to a man who isn’t doing anything with it is only taking away another year of achieving those big milestones with someone else, if that makes sense. So if I were you, I’d be seriously asking your friend where this connection is going. That way you can pick a lane and stick to it, not the blurred lines of flirting one day and simple friends the next.

[Asker]

You are totally right. I know what I want I don’t wana be playing these games even tho I’m allowing my self to go along with it 🤦🏽‍♀️. In my mind I should keep him as an option but being who I am, that would be a waist of my time. It’s probably going no where. But it’s just complicated but yet I’m allowing it to be. He’s 16 years older than me
And I’m 31’🤦🏽‍♀️ I guess age doesn’t define maturity. I get it tho you can’t make someone
Like you. It’s just weird.

[Opinion Owner]

It may sound weird but I really feel like most men who go for women so much younger are damaged goods. He’s probably either been married or had a toxic relationship (maybe more than one), maybe a kid or two, he’s already lived through all the life experiences he could be robbing you of now by dragging his feet. If his mindset now is sort of ‘been there done that’ when it comes to relationships and he’s just passively wasting your time by not progressing anything then you’re better off without him. There are just too many other options out there to continue on if he isn’t serious about moving forward, which he would actively be demonstrating to you rather than this air of complication and confusion.

[Asker]

You are so true I was thinking about that not too long ago. He did open up to me about how he always got his feelings, hurt and stuff like that. He’s been in a relationship where he has been used. And yes, he was married but a long time ago and has a kid.

[Opinion Owner]

That to me is a bit red flaggy. Like I know we all have a past and we all live lives before getting in a relationship. But I think it’s very important to recognize he’s been married in this case plus had a toxic relationship (or relationships if there’s been other women) because it could contribute to why he can’t or won’t commit now. He needs to be transparent with you about his willingness to settle down again, start a family, etc if he hasn’t been yet. I know it’s easy to sort of go with the flow and see where things go, but I feel like that mentality is for a woman who doesn’t know what she wants, or unsure how she feels about the guy. If you know what you want at this point in your life and you know that you’re interested in moving things forward, then it’s better to put your cards on the table now and ask the more serious, adult questions. 6 months in is more than a fair point in time, in fact I used to ask around the 2-3 month mark.

[Asker]

Exactly!! I don’t even know why I am still dealing with him yet. It’s just exhausting but I’m slowly detaching I’m getting over it. There comes a point where enough is enough. I’m ALMOST to the point of like looking tired and just with a whatever face. Yeah 6months is long enough you are right.

[Chargirllll]

No I'd put an end to it