Do woman regret ever putting guys in the "Friend Zone"?

[Anonymous]

The past 3 girls that I've date have all put me in the "Friend Zone". I've heard it all..."You're a great guy", "You're perfect", "You're my best friend and I want you in my life". But ultimately, they all put me in the friends zone and eventually never talk to me again.

The thing is, after all these women say things like this, it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. I kinda figure it that way because, I'm the one that bends over backwards for them all, being the nice guy, something that I though that is was all women wanted. They see me as weak because I care too much...while they toss me to the curb and go for the ones that treat them like absolute shit, which for some reason, you ladies seem to be drawn to.

So ladies, my question is, do any of you ever regret putting a good guy in the friend zone?

Have any of you ever gone back to them after letting them go for someone else?

Do you ever think about them afterwards?

I hear that once you're in the friend zone, it's pretty much a done deal. I guess I'm looking for that glimmer of hope that maybe the girl that just put me in this position will want me back. I only ask because after spending almost a year with this girl, after falling in love with her, to hear that I'm pretty much not good enough for her anymore, and then pull the friend zone card on me. It's pretty devastating.

[melissarose8585]

for me, guys in the friend zone can be someone I might partner with, if circumstances were different. Perhaps I don't want to ruin a good friendship by taking a chance on a relationship, or maybe I'm just worried that there is some complication that would ensure. It's different with different guys. But just because you are in the friends zone doesn't mean you can't leave it.

The guy I'm with now, and have been with 5 years, was once in the friend zone. He was dating a friend of mine, and therefore off limits, even after their break up. Well, a few years later we were both single, and the little spark that had been there before lit up at a party one night, and he finally admitted to once having a crush on me. We ended up together. I don't regret putting him in the friend zone, as it wouldn't have worked at any other time, but I'm happy it ended the way it did.

And I have thought about guys that I defined as just a friend later, and wished I had given it a chance. Usually after I find out they liked me, which meant I was hiding my feelings for them for some reason (different for each guy) and I should have went with it. But life is strange, and I've found that everything works out in the end, so I never allow myself regret over the past.

But if you're constantly being put in that zone, then maybe you need to analyze the situation. Are you being too much of a friend, not enough of a guy? Do you flirt at all, make them realize that you see them as a woman and not just as a friend? That's always been my issue; the guys treat me like one of the guys, never like a female, so I put them in the friend category, only to find out later that they did like me. So you have to make sure they see that you understand they are female and you see them as a potential s.o.

As for you being too nice, well, yes, you can be. I've dated that guy, and while he was a great guy, ultimately is does get boring. There is never any passion, or any real spark in it. He gives in too much, is too considerate, and never lets the girl feel that he is a male. The nice ones cling and do everything for you, and you get very tired of it. You have to be able to strike a middle ground. I'm not going to date an asshole, but the too nice guy will get on my nerves. I want a guy that knows when to support me and be the nice, caring guy but also knows when to let me tackle something on my own.

I hope this makes sense to you. I really want to help you, as I have a guy friend who has had this problem a lot in his life. He's a good guy, and girls rarely date him because they never see him as "male," only as another friend. And I hate that you are going through the same thing.

[Asker]

Actually...it makes perfect sense and I see now what you mean. I mean we were pretty intimate in the beginning but it slowly started to end. I guess I was trying to help her change her life because of all the bad things (drugs, alcohol, abusive ex bf) that she has been caught up in, to show her that there are people out there that truly loves her. And now she is with this new guy who is one of those guys that will bring her right back into it. I just don't want to be forgotten.

[Prof_Don]

"He's a good guy, and girls rarely date him because they never see him as "male," only as another friend."

This was me from grades K-8. This statement makes sense. I feel that an average+ looking females gets approached often, so if the dude is too reluctant to make a move, he'll lose his chance if he doesn't show his interest right away.

[RolandCuthbert]

I think the main problem with friend zone guys is they are attracted to women who friendzone the. It is the same thing when women attracted to men who treat them horribly. You have to look inside yourself and stop being attracted to that kind of woman. You can't fix women who have made bad choices and continue to make bad choices. I just think it is silly to be around a woman who constantly complains about her bad relationships. She simply does not have the ability to see a happy romantic relationship with you. So either leave or accept what this relationship will be. Because it will be you listening to her problems and encouraging her after every bad episode.

[Anonymous]

You know what? My best friend fell in love with me and he took many steps towards me. At the beginning I was responding very positively and out of a sudden my ex came back to my life. I friend zoned my friend after our unordinary interaction! It was weird, he stayed around for 2 months but a lot of fights used to come up between us. Then he stopped hanging around me for 2 more months. Within that period I broke up with my ex again and I realized the biggest mistake I ever did. I think I loved my best friend and I screwed it up by falling back to my ex.

Now, I work with my best friend and we meet together at least twice a week. But he is acting cold towards me. However, he said clearly that he doesn't plan to date anyone else. I tried to flirt with him, but he responds negatively. He avoids getting close to me and tries to keep a big space.

I guess for me, I was scared from losing my best friend by dating him, and used my ex as an escape. Once I realized my deep feelings, it probably is too late :(

[izzybolden]

That's the problem. You can't always rely on the man to ALWAYS make the first move. He's needs motivation... a boost!! You can't start giving him the green light at the last minute once he's taken a new route in his life. Also, don't fall for temptation!! No matter what it is!! For it will hinder you from moving forward. Your ex was your temptation... and you fell for it. Don't hesitate!! SEIZE THE MOMENT

[Marinepilot]

Girl, you done fucked up BIG TIME !

[navychick2006]

For what it's worth, I put a guy in the friend zone recently and now I wish I hadn't (because we were always friends to begin with. We kissed, I wasn't sure how he felt and I was so scared of losing him if things didn't work out). So yes, it definitely does happen.

[Jarett]

I'm not a girl, but I thought I'd throw some input in. You nailed it in your 2nd paragraph. There is nothing wrong with being nice to a girl, and treating her right. The problem stems when you seem too nice, where you do too much, where you seem almost clingy or desperate. Girls love to be treated nice. But when you go over the top, it's almost like you're trying to buy their love, or trying to give them a reason to stay with you. And when you do this, you're basically slotting yourself beneath them. And no one wants to be with someone who they think is clingy or desperate. And you might be neither, but when you go way over the top, you subconsciously display these things.

Now I'm not saying be a jerk. You definitely want to be nice to the girls, but just remember that nice=boring a lot of the times. You need to have some kind of sexual tension that kind of makes things interesting. Now this doesn't have anything to do with sex, I don't know of a better name for it. But you know when you flirt with a girl, and there's that kind of teasing going back and forth, that's what I'm talking about. Girls do want nice guys, but they don't want boring guys. You need to keep doing things to spice things up, to keep it different. Quit trying to "win" the girl, and just be yourself. You can be nice and open doors, in fact, I encourage these things. But don't be a soft pushover, trying hard to win their love.

As far as getting one of these girls back, it is possible. The thing you need to do, is just live your life, have fun, and don't worry about them. If they see that you are over them, that you're having fun, then there is a chance they will like you again. One thing I've learned is that most girls like what they can't have. And when they see you, and that you could care less that you are broken up, it does make them want you a little more.

Like I said though, don't stop being nice, just don't be overly nice. Why do you think girls like bad guys? Because they're exciting, mysterious, because the guy isn't dependant on the girl. You can take some of these characteristics, and be them, and still be a nice guy. That's the perfect guy for a lot of girls.

[Atomizer]

Great answer. You nailed it.

[uzumaki2010]

Yup

[SHEKNOWS]

On point! I have that going on right now with a guy and he is instantly more valuable to me than the other guys I know that are interested in me because they're afraid to show their spicy side, they're afraid to let me know that they have things going on in their lives and that their time is valuable.

[Vyxzuw]

Some girls may also feel that you are too nice of a guy for them.

By that I mean that they don't see themselves as 'nice girls' and they may think that they would only hurt you by dating you.

This may be because of insecurities on their part (they don't think they are worthy of someone like you...) or it could just be that they are just looking for casual fun at that point in their life. (And they assume that since you are a nice guy that you would only be interested in a long-term relationship.)

Sometimes they may put you on the backburner (a backup they can fall back on...) until they are ready for a relationship...

[A-Guys-Opinion]

Good point.

But who really wants to stay on the back burner while she goes off to satisfy her sexual needs elsewhere?

Not me. I'd just move on. Tell her and/or yourself that she's not worth your time; otherwise, she will take your time for granted - so as long as you allow her to.

[A-Guys-Opinion]

As a guy who's also been put into the friend zone (twice with two women I like a lot) - your best, easiest option is to run and never look back. Let her "wonder about it" later down the road, she might even think you were "the one that got away."

The problem with continuing to want more than friends from someone who has put you into the "friend zone," they might begin to take you for granted and some even begin toying with you because they know that they can. At which point you'll either become the "needy" or "clingy" or "creepy" guy who they always talk to their friends about because you won't stop trying to talk to her.

TRUST ME - the road to less hurt is a 180 degree turn and then run! There are ALWAYS women out there who will give you the chance and the time of day, who will appreciate you more than your current "friend" will ever.

I got hurt pretty bad with the last girl who put me into the friend zone, I kept pursuing her. She liked it for awhile but ultimately gave me the ignore treatment, and then I got hurt MUCH worse than I would have if I listened to my gut feeling and moved on. Believe me, she might be attractive and seem like she's perfect for you, but there are better women out there for you. I promise! Besides, she will never be able to give you what you deserve since you'll will always just be a friend to her.

If it helps you to know - regarding the second girl I liked a lot but put me into the friend zone, after my first date with her I quickly realized that I was put into this odd friend zone. So I called her up and told her if she couldn't put the effort into a potential relationship that I was willing to, then I'm gone. She said, "But can we be friends?" Nope. I ended it... for two days. My pulling back had in fact caused her to *appear* to feel more attracted to me (either that or she was mad that I ended it and not her) so two days later and a few flirty texts from her I called her back and got the "second date." (she later denied ever dating me) ...I kept pursuing this girl even after being in the friend zone.

After the second date (which in appearance went very well), and after a week went by and we set up a third date, she vanished - silent treatment. Without even realizing it until it was too late for me, I stupidly continued to try and contact her after she started the ignore treatment, she had me hooked, lined, and now aimed to sink me... I become the needy/clingy guy. I felt set-up to be honest. She was very cruel about it.

Bottom line: If I could go back and change one thing about dating her, it'd be never contacting her again after she told me "can we just be friends?" She would have always wondered if I was "the one that got away," but instead, I'm now the clingy guy who wouldn't go away. And she probably still jokes about me to her friends. Grrr.. thanks for taking my time for granted Elizabeth. Whatever.

Point being...

If you still have the option - be the one that got away. Trust me. ;-)

[Prof_Don]

The 2nd girl in this comment was a total bitch for going on dates with you, cutting you off completely w/o an explanation and then denying that she ever dated you.

Every guy should live by this creed:

"Time is money; money over bitches. A man's time is too valuable to waste on a bitch."

[tex151]

The truth about the friend zone is this guys put themselves in the friend zone half of the time. And this is how you did it, Ok lets see here, you get them to say things like your perfect, your my best friend, oh and of course your a great guy.

Here's another mistake you bend over backwards for a woman, tisk tisk my friend, that right there is one way ticket to the friend zone. They see you as week, oh another one, and you care to much. And then you go why do they go after guys who treat them like crap, simple all those things you did, is exactly what they don't do. They don't care, they aren't going to bend over backwards for a woman, no they expect her to bend over backwards for them, and it works so many women do it for so many guys. They don't get involved in a girl's personal life, they don't care, they don't wanna hear about her problems, and I don't know why you wanna go and play Dr.Phil with them, just don't do it, and if they ask you crap like that, just say I don't know and I don't care it doesn't involve me so why should I care.

Back to the friend zone like I said it's not them that put you in it at first, you have a golden opportunity and if you mess it up then they put you in the friend zone, if you want one of these girls to be with you as in your gf, well you should have never treated them like your best buddy, you should have already acted like she was your girlfriend to begin with, and then you won't be put in the friend zone, unless of course she has a bf.

[thoughtprocess11]

I am a male but let me jump in on this. The friend zone is a farce. Here is what you have to do if you are placed there you need to tell them you have romantic feelings for them and don't back down. While they may say they want to remain friends it really depends on the situation. For instance if they just got out of a bad relationship, you may be there simply because they aren't ready to date anyone so it isn't as personal as you think it is and the situation can change. However, what you must do for your own sanity if you have romantic feelings is walk away. I know it hurts and is hard but it is even harder if they are with another guy or talking about other guys, you leave upset (even if you hide it from them) By walking away, one of two things will happen. Either you move on with your life (and yes you will miss them at least for a while) or they will realize your value. This friend zone thing is ridiculous. Quite often they are looking for a person that has the exact same qualities as you! The thing women need to realize is if you are afraid moving them out of the relationship will ruin the relationship, well guess what? If they are romantically interested in you and you keep them in the friend zone they aren't going to be around a lot longer anyway because the friend relationship isn't working for them, not really.

[Anonymous]

dude im goanna tell you this right now! BE YOURSELF! dont listen to these people telling you to act like a man and to pretend like you dont care! if you do get the girl this way, then what now? are you just goanna act like you dont care for the rest of your life? are you just goanna hide yourself for the rest of your life? dont listen to these people man. i was in a relationship one time where i tried to maintain the "tough" guy image. sure i got the girl, but on the inside, i was hurting, because i was always hiding myself to her. there was one relationship where i was able to be myself to a girl and it was such an amazing relationship! i was able to be completely honest with her about my feelings and we had such a wonderful time dating! i miss her to this day and im upset she moved to another state! there are wonderful girls out there who will accept you for who you are! those are the happiest relationships! dont hide yourself man! there is someone out there who will accept you for who you are! they exist! just keep looking!

[stevemeh]

I have been friendzoned many times in life and have faced 100% rejection rate. Hell I'm still a virgin, that's how lonely I really was and still am in life.

I can tell you to just give up and find something else to worry about, cause when women reach a certain age you dont have to wonder if women regret friendzoning you, you will see it plain as day when you see them as the single mothers who gloat about needing no man but will pine over wondering where all the good men have gone.

Just give up and make a bunch of money, you won't regret living in a nice home.

[Micca10]

I admit I have. I knew this guy that was 'perfect'. But I made jokes that I would say no and reject him. I felt really bad afterward in the years going by. I think he knew in time but I wanted to say sorry on the jokes. Because I admit I scared, I didn't know how to react towards a guy really having feelings for me. I still don't and I am in my 20's. I wish I could say sorry but can't. I regret it but at the same time, wish he knew my side of the story since all he did was watch but not do any action.

I am not interested in dating too. I've told my share of men and women that I said no and put them on that "Zone". I feel really bad that I do since they look really sad and want to make them smile. But love is pain.

[blr231]

I normally put guys in the friend zone right away if I know its not going anywhere. I think most girls can tell within the first couple of days or even minutes of being around a guy. I've never taken a guy out of the friend zone and started dating him again because that would be unfair to him. The most thinking I do about a guy I put in the friend zone is..."What nice girl do I know that I can match them up with?" There are some girls that say they want a good guy but they really dont. So my advice to you is to wait for the right girl who really does want a good guy, and that girl won't put you in the friend zone and she'll treat you the way you treat her.

[Megapokemonmaster]

I don't like it when girls that aren't interested me try to help me find one. In my opinion

[Unreallover]

yes but honestly there has only been 2 guys that I have regretted putting in the "Friend Zone"

i went back to one once but ended up getting hurt a lot more than I already had been hurt, I regret going back I don't know what I thought would happen

and yes I do think about them afterwards but "all girls are different"

but don't put hope in the past put it towards girls in the future!

[izzybolden]

Maybe it's retribution for being placed into the 'friend zone'... or maybe it's Karma. But heed my advice: once you put a guy in the 'friend zone' DO NOT change your mind later on and try to take him out of it!!! BE A FRIEND!! Help him find a beautiful woman that'll love and respect him for who he is... and DON'T YOU DARE GET JEALOUS!!!

[Jack-Poole]

Yeah I know I'm not a girl but I have to agree with Jarett, I think you need to try not be overly nice.. from now and then just flirt and tease her.. just act as if nothing can go wrong and there is always a chance the girl might like you again in the future

[ladyjane]

Seriously, guys put themselves in the friend zone. Girls don't like being treated like sh*t, but they love a man who won't take any sh*t, either. If you want the girl, tell her you won't settle for less, and be confident about it. If she still says no, don't answer her phone calls and move on. She will definitely wonder what could have happened.

[A-Guys-Opinion]

Great advice! I did that after a first date when I was put into the "friend zone" - I told her we both had to put the same effort into a potential relationship to make it work - which she couldn't do. I was calm and cool about it, ended it--a couple of hours later--she text me back all flirty again... two days later I made the worst mistake ever and caved, called her up and asked for another date, which she agreed to. Long story short - she never took me out of the friend zone, I got more hurt.

[AllyJay]

Yeah definitely, but I don't feel like I'm sticking guys in the friend zone on purpose. Its entirely because I'd like the guy to take charge. I know it sounds old fashioned but having to do the whole "I'm game if your game" thing is just not awesome.

I know you don't want to go flat out right way or anything but if your feeling on the borderline tell her how great she looks that day and I bet you'll start seeing a response.

[Gonetowardthewind]

I wouldn't worry about being put in the friend zone. What? Are three women really going to ruin your life? There are 3 billion more women out there, why get hung up on 3?

[ivarei]

sometimes we definitely do regret putting guys in the friend zone.

[jacquesvol]

And when you regret it? Do you try to change the nature of your relationship with them? Or do you just move on to another one you will not hand the friendship card?

[ivarei]

It depends...it can swing either way.

[Mallo]

I think that the friend zone should die.

It sucks being put there.

[SHEKNOWS]

Though it may suck being put there, trust me as a less desired masculine female I know, yet I feel it is essential in a way. I understand I may get a lot of hate for this opinion but my take on it is a method of screening for traits that one finds desirable in a partner and to a female, a clingy guy is not seen as strong; evolutionary wise we are not known to be drawn to weakness because weakness = lesser/no chance at survival for not only the mate but future offspring. Please consider this viewpoint when you are having adhesive tendencies.

[ktbob]

I regret putting guys in "the zone" cause I could end up liking him and will never get him out! don't lose hope if she starts to show intrest. you could start flirting... your back at the begining but don't worry...