Married but have a crush on another guy, how do you kill these feelings?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been happily married for over 15 years, married young and recently developed a crush on another guy.

How do you kill these feelings? It’s difficult because I see him regularly. We have mutual friends.

[SteveSmith1985]

You're going to need to not see him. Mutual friends be damned. This isn't ok. If you want to continue to do the right thing. You can't have him in your life. Period.

If you can't or won't, then I don't see any universe in which these feelings don't get stronger as you keep seeing him.

You may have to take rather drastic action to not see him regularily. How important is your marriage to you? Those are sorta the choices.

I'm not going to pretend it's easy. But do what you gotta do.

Put the shoe on the other foot. If your husband were in your shoes. What would you want him to do?

Exactly.

[Asker]

Yes I understand what you’re saying, it’s so difficult, but I know you’re right with not seeing him.

Yes I would be devastated if my husband felt like this for someone else.

I’ve never felt like this for anyone else in my marriage, that’s why I’m really freaked out by it.

[SteveSmith1985]

I'm glad your freaked out. I think you have good reason to be.

You would be devastated if your husband felt this way, but what would you have him do? (I'm asking non-rhetorically)

[Asker]

I think you’re right, cut off all contact.

[SteveSmith1985]

I had a feeling you were a good woman! 👍👍👍👍

I'm happy to hear it. I'm glad you're doing the right thing.

(Just don't fuck around on getting it done).

(I'm usually way nicer, I swear. )

🙂

[Asker]

Haha yes I understand. If I could just turn off these feelings, I sure would. I will do it.

[SteveSmith1985]

When I first came across this question; you were the real life version of a personal nightmare of mine. To be in the position your husband is in, has always been one of my biggest fears.

The fact that you're going to do the right thing, and cut all contact, makes me feel completely differently about you.

Your right. You can't turn off your feelings.

Many people would use that as an excuse to be selfish.

You, on the other hand are going to do the right thing. You're going to cut off contact now; before this fucks up your happy marriage.

To me, you've gone from a nightmare, to embodying exactly the kind of woman I would hope to
find myself.

Like I said before, you can't control your feelings. You can control what you do.

Since you can't turn these feelings off, you're going to cut him out of your life completely. What more could any husband ask for (under the circumstances).

I think you're a good woman, and a good person.

I am very glad you're going to do the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Crushes can be intense, especially when you see the person regularly. To manage these feelings, focus on strengthening your marriage by rediscovering the qualities you love about your spouse and actively engaging in activities together. Limit contact with the other person as much as possible, and when you do interact, keep it strictly platonic and brief. Redirect your thoughts and energy towards your marriage and personal growth, and consider talking to a therapist or counselor if the feelings persist, as they can provide strategies to navigate these emotions and reinforce your commitment to your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Cut contact with the crush and go to couple’s therapy.

[Opinion Owner]

thanks for mho

[Valdemort]

You married as a child? 🫥

[moneymagnet24]

😂😂😂

[Asker]

Haha no, my age is set wrong and I can’t it, I’m 35, not 25.

[jahaims]

You aren't even emotionally mature enough for a healthy a relationship if you develop a crush while married. That's crazy af

[Asker]

Yes probably, somethings gone wrong. I never so much as felt anything for anyone in 15 years, until now.

[Staximus]

You're obviously not happily married if you're thinking about another guy

[Asker]

Yes that’s what worries me, I haven’t felt like this before ever, it’s like something flipped and probably stems from issues in my marriage.

[Staximus]

If you were happily married you would tell every other guy to go piss up a flagpole

[Staximus]

What does this guy give you that you are not getting from your husband?

[Asker]

I think it’s probably passion, chemistry and attentiveness.

[Staximus]

So are you saying there's no passion, chemistry, and attentiveness coming from your husband?

[Asker]

Not so much no, it’s kind of fizzled out over the years.

[Staximus]

A long marriage is not going to feel like a new relationship. Your husband isn't going to act like he's chasing you because he's already got you. All the infatuation and stuff is going to wear off over time. Then the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever, either. This is this thing is the perfect boyfriend girlfriend husband or wife. When you get sick of somebody's old bullshit, you leave them for another person and their new bullshit, and then their new bullshit becomes old bullshit and you get sick of it all over again. The question is what can you tolerate and what can you not tolerate in a long-term relationship

[Staximus]

I meant to say there's no such thing as the perfect boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife

[Asker]

Yes I know what you are saying, it’s a bit depressing though isn’t it, that all those feelings kind of dissipate.

I mean I understand infatuation phase and honeymoon phase go, but what about those couples you see who have been together for decades and look so in love? Is that a myth? Or how do you actually know when you should carry on or leave a relationship?

Are humans really meant to be together forever or are they biologically suited for a set time and that’s it?

[Staximus]

It's not a myth, my mom had some friends that were still very much in love after 34 years of marriage back in 1997. I haven't seen them since then, but if they are still alive I guarantee they are still married.

[moneymagnet24]

It's normal I m in same situation my family friend wife have crush on me i noticed now we have secret sexual relationship from last few months...

[Asker]

It’s hard isn’t it. You mean you are having an affair with her?

[moneymagnet24]

No not affair just sex nothing else
Pm. me for more details talks

[Asker]

Ok will do.

[moneymagnet24]

Ohk honey 😘

[Smile456]

It's human nature, nothing to feel ashamed of. Feeling is not the same as doing.

[Jay-_-]

Oh Lord.

[Asker]

Yep help! 🙃

[Jay-_-]

I don't know 😂

[Asker]

lol 🤣