Boyfriend threw a box towards me. Am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend picked up a package that was delivered to me, at our front porch. He brought it in and he pretended to throw the box towards me. He didn’t actually throw it but pretended to and I didn’t even flinch. But I felt weird that he did that. Am I overreacting here? Was it bad he did that?
Also to note, we are not in the most loving relationship. What I’ve noticed is that he doesn’t know how to regulate his emotions and no he’s not violent but he’s always angry with his family and with me. He says I’ve insulted his character and always see him as a bad person. He always blames me for how me feels and he always blames his family for him being angry because he claims we’ve all done him wrong.

[SteveSmith1985]

So, I actually do think you're overreacting about the box thing specifically.

However, I think there is a whole lot in what you wrote here that is way more important, and concerning that this box thing.

The context you gave sounds like a relationship is not a good one.

"He says I’ve insulted his character and always see him as a bad person. He always blames me for how me feels and he always blames his family for him being angry because he claims we’ve all done him wrong."

This is not how a relationship should be. This is not healthy for either of you.

I'm glad he's not violent, but... this still sounds like a quasi-abusive situation (at least).

Are you... ok? This is concerning to be honest.

🙂

[Asker]

I’m ok. I just don’t feel emotionally safe
He’s insulted me many times by calling me names. Because he says I attack his character and make him out to be a cheater, when he’s not. That all he wants is love and trust. I tell him I just try to express what bothers me and that he doesn’t have to argue with me the way he does. He always escalates things and feels like I’m attacking him. He starts to name call me like crazy, lunatic, bitch, and garbage

[Asker]

and then he apologizes because he says that’s how his family and parents fought. And I see it! Because we live with them! No one gets along in the household!

[SteveSmith1985]

That's an emotionally abusive relationship.

"He’s insulted me many times by calling me names. Because he says I attack his character and make him out to be a cheater, when he’s not."

That could be in a textbook, as an example of what "emotional abuse" can look like in a romantic relationship.

This is also a hallmark of emotional abuse:

"He always escalates things and feels like I’m attacking him. He starts to name call me like crazy, lunatic, bitch, and garbage"

This part is so typical of abusive in romantic relationships (emotional, or physical abuse):

"and then he apologizes" (over and over)

I just want you to be clear on what this situation you're in actually is. You're in an abusive relationship.

I'm not telling you to pack your bags and escape when he's at work or anything. I'm not saying you're in physical danger. But emotional abuse can really mess you up. Especially over time.

It sucks that nobody gets along in that household, and I can appreciate how that's a tense sort of environment where everyone is more on edge.

This is more than that though. Do whatever you think makes sense. I"m not trying to tell you anything about what you should do, because I have no idea what your situation is overall.

This isn't how you're supposed to feel in a relationship. You don't deserve to be called names, or end up being told you're garbage when you try and tell him how you feel. That's not right. You deserve better. Everyone does.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would say you’re overreacting. I can also see why he thinks you always see him as the bad guy. Because you do. He couldn’t even joke w you about tossing a box to you. You got all up in your feelings. I don’t know about his family. Maybe he has a legitimate reason to be upset w them. But the fact that you’re upset about a joke, which is horseplay for men, is ridiculous. He’s probably better off w someone else. Maybe I’m wrong but you reacting the way you did about a joke makes me think you react worse when he actually does something.

[FreyaRed]

If something like that happens all 3 years one time. I wouldn't bother. Most of us are just humans and sometimes we lost control but if something like that happens 3 times in month, I would consider to exchange him with someone with more aggression control

[Anonymous]

Should have worded the question as your boyfriend pretend to throw a box at you, some users aren't going to read the question details and think he actually threw a box at you. In my opinion you're overreacting, he was just having a little fun pretending to throw a box at you. If he physically threw the box at you, it would be different.

[DrPepper12]

🚩🚩🚩 time to exit stage left

[EmmiL]

That's bad