What is it about 'fighting it out' that helps men move past issues with each other?

[Anonymous]

"I love you man. You know what I mean."

We woman hold grudges. I can't see being bloodied and bruised solving any of our spats. Can you explain this to the class?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Correction. It's not men, it's men raised in specific cultures where emotions are handled this way, through combat. Move them to another culture, see how they handle interactions differently.

[Asker]

I can see that.

[exitseven]

Nothing makes you see the other guys point of view like a punch in the face.

[Asker]

😂 Then suddenly there are a number of guys you are fighting.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO

[Asker]

Welcome

[lightbulb27]

girls do things in direct, don't want to blemish their beauty. so they will turn to other methods of emotional manipulation, back stabbing, avoidance. they are more emotional and right brained.

guys just want an answer... whose in charge.

[Phoenix98]

You fight it out once the fight is done it's over with, no grudges, no lingering feelings. He stood his ground and I stood mine and we fought for our side of the argument or whatever it was about.

When you fight you get stuff off your chest, vent frustrations, pent up feelings and even if I massively disagree with the man I'm fighting I can at the very least respect him for standing by his side of things to that degree. And once everything is all said and done it's like your fists said everything that needed to be said.

It's very refreshing in a weird way.

Obviously you shouldn't solve arguments like that most of the time but sometimes it needs to be done that way.

[Asker]

Thank you. But are the feelings really gone through physical confrontation?

[Phoenix98]

For me they are at least.

[Shiprex]

I would agree there are hard feelings you learn to put away and forget because it's over.

[Asker]

You guys could bottle that and sell it to woman.

[Shiprex]

No because the woman isn't involved why would she get it? It's forgotten and left in the dust where the battle was. Women will use emotional, mental and psychological means to conflicts and the mood they're left with gets brought home to men who have to regulate THEIR emotions as well as their own

[Phoenix98]

Lol.

[Asker]

@Shiprex I was leaning more to teaching release

[Purpleronnie]

It’s not as black and white as that is it , men this and woman that … another ignorant and un-true sweeping generalized observation that tends to incite divisive and destructive comments and replies.


Even if I was to suggest an answer , what makes you believe that “holding on to grudges” is any less emotionally damaging?


For the evolved amongst us , resorting to holding grudges or physical violence , logically wouldn’t be considered conflict resolution at all. Neither does anyone any favors. Do ALL men really deserve your classification/ observation that we are the aggressors? .. fighting never moved anyone past anything outside of competition.

[Asker]

It was a boiled down Q. Not solid depiction of both genders. Naturally there will be variants. I appreciate your thoughts.

[Shiprex]

A physical altercation where no one gets seriously damaged but both get hurt is where men will bond through shared experience of trauma. Fighting someone who you COULD kill if something unfortunate happens or could BE killed is a heck of a traumatic experience

[MrOracle]

Most men will respect when another man will stand up for their position, even to the point of violence. You may still disagree, but respect is an important and valuable thing to a man.

Obviously there are certain issues for which a man cannot forgive, but most issues just aren't that big of a deal, such that showing each other respect is enough to let them both put the issue behind them.

Men are problem SOLVERS - we don't like to dwell on problems that can be dealt with and left behind. That's unlike most women, who carry every tiny slight to the grave, and delight in bringing them up at every opportunity (even if they have to manufacture such opportunities). This is why men tend to be happier and more easy-going

[OneViewpoint]

There doesn't even have to be "fighting it out". Men just don't hold on to everything for life. We let it go and move on pretty quickly. Women are just exhausting in their determination to NEVER let anything, even trivial things go. It is a fundamental disconnect between men and women. I attribute it to 2 things in the female psyche. Hatred for and fear of accountability. And insecurity. Most women struggle with those things. Most men do not.

[Asker]

Good opinion. Well said. Thank you.

[Genie23]

Sorry but you said women hold grudges? I don't hold grudges. Sure, I don't fight it out physically but if I have an issue I express it. Speak it out. If things gets sorted, great. If it doesn't, no problem. I'll forgive them but choose to move on.

[Asker]

It was a boiled down Q. Not solid depiction of both genders. Naturally there will be variants.

[Shiprex]

Women tend to use like you say other ways to get their way like emotional language to "hurt" emotionally or manipulation or other non physical means that are probably longer lasting and give rise to resentment because the end isn't ever reached

[Genie23]

@Shiprex I don't do any of that and I don't even know how to manipulate. I'm not a complicated person. I keep things simple. If someone does or says something to me that hurt me or made me angry, I say it right then and there. I don't suppress it. I don't believe in keeping things in my heart as I don't want others to affect me. So, if me expressing it eventually makes them understand and they care to solve the issue, good. If they and I can't to seem to fix the issue, I cut them out of my life. I forgive them but I just don't want to talk to people I know I won't get along with.

Maybe most women are like how you both described. Maybe me growing up with lot of older brothers made me pretty straightforward and blunt so there's no room for resentment

[Shiprex]

@Genie23
It sounds like you are a person who understands men more than most and respects how they are. Older brothers were probably what helped you with this comprehension of men. Clear and concise is how you come across. It seems like you also have a feminine side that "feels" how interpersonal relationships can be good and bad.
I suspect you didn't grow up around or with lots of girls as friends. Is that the case?

[Genie23]

@Shiprex I do respect men. There are good and bad people everywhere but I choose to focus on good people and hold onto good experiences.

I did have many girls as friend when I was a girl and teen but I realised as I grew older that I've been quite unlucky when it comes to have genuine girl friends. While growing up I found guys easy to connect with. So, at some point most of my friends were guys and very few were girls. Speaking about today my closest friends are guys.

[Shiprex]

@Genie23
It is pretty likely because guys are simple to understand and girls are more complex that you can be more genuine with guys. I am mostly friends with guys but work in a workplace dominated by women so understand how they are and respect them but don't have much in common with them.

[Genie23]

@Shiprex Yeah and also guys don't talk bad about you behind your bad and use you for emotional support and ditch you when you need support and don't try to compete with you or fight with you or their partners because they feel you're going to steal their guy. Having female friends like that made me feel that maybe I'm better off having guy friends as at least I never experienced these things with them

[Shiprex]

@Genie23
I think you are right that girls get competitive with relationships and can be cruel to anyone when scorned.
You'll have lots of saviours with guy friends who'll do everything for you.

[Genie23]

Behind your back*

That's true and it's sad because I always thought of them as my sisters. I spent so much time with them even shared my house with them so it broke my heart when I experienced betrayal, saw me as a threat or competition and used me for their benefit. I genuinely loved those girls but oh well. I know there are some truly amazing girls out there though I just feel I wasn't lucky enough to have such girls in my life.

That's true. My guy friends do go out of the day for me and protected me when I was being harassed and intervened when they felt someone's crossing a line with me. Also, they gave me the kind of emotional support that I needed when I was going through a lot in life and was feeling very depressed. I'm blessed

[Shiprex]

I'm glad you had good experiences with the guys around you but unfortunately (especially when young) girls can be wicked self absorbed shits especially to other girls.

[Nik1hil]

It's Simple, Men don't have holding grudges in their nature, we are chill creatures...

But when out Testosterone levels rise and we start developing Ego, we are bo longer chill and start holding grudges.. It's similar to "Musth" in African elephants.

So in that Condition, if two men are in conflict, they want to Assert dominance over other by showing how much strength and Testosterone they have..

Fighting out = Show the Other man How strong are you, Generally fighting Happens when 2 Men of almost equal Strength and Stature collide. So in fight one Loses and other wins, Winner gets to Asset dominance and Loser since was of Almost equal strength Ends up injuring the Winner enough to have "Earned his Respect" ..

And This Leads to Victory on both side and also fight has them now exhausted and their Testosterone levels are now Reduced, and Hence they both aren't looking to fight and are back to being a chill Guy!..

[RavVid]

There are few workplaces where you can resolve conflicts with a fight as once they were. But there are still fights over power.

In fact I have had fights and ended becoming good friends with the guy I was fighting with and becoming allies.

The crux of it is that mutual respect can result out of the power struggle fight and that leads to becoming allies where you help each other..

Oddly I have never found it possible to form an ally relationship with a woman. They'll take the benefits from you but betray you when you want some help from them.

[Anonymous]

It's a man thing. High testosterone levels.

That's why Lily Fucktard and the belligerent fat fucker prove they aren't women when challenged about bathrooms - their goto reaction is classic "fight or flight" weighted towards "fight" because they're actually men, and they know it.

[AaronKrieger]

Generally a cultural thing of "whoever wins is right" and a respect thing, but it doesn't always happen. A lot of people still get in fights or are on bad terms afterwards.

[new-person]

We deal with the situation and then after it is over. When dealing with the situation, it don't mean that you fight, punch, kick, or do anything violent. It can be verbal arguments. But once it is over it is over, no grudges that will affect future behavior and relationships.

[grega239]

Win the fight, win the argument.

After that you either make up or dont.

Its how thing work

[Asker]

The stronger or luckier man proves his own reality. It's not logical. But fascinating.

[grega239]

It is logical from a "caveman" perspective.
I won the fight therefore im above the loser.

[captain_voidwalker]

A good ass whooping can solve a lot of problems. You ladies should try it sometime

[Asker]

I somehow think it would often end up being to the death. We are smart enough to see that ahead. lol

[BDRick]

It boils down to chemistry and how it relates to our brains. The same question is why do men punch walls when angry? It’s just how it is scientifically

[Dongie]

Is your last name beginning with an F?

[BDRick]

I’m not sure I understand, please clarify the meaning behind your statement

[Dongie]

By your handle, I refer to an old friend that nick-named himself that. So... but you're about 25 years younger. But he could have lied about age. 🤷‍♂️

[BDRick]

Oh no, I’m sorry, I am not he

[Dongie]

Okay.

[andreasderjuengere]

There are men who never were trained to use their brain. All they have is their fist.

[Anonymous]

Not all the men are like that. Some men can forgive without fighting it out.

[Asker]

Of course. It was a heavily boiled down Q out of curiosity.

[jahaims]

You know where you stand after a fist fight. I made half of my childhood friends after fighting them at least once.

[Dongie]

It's something to do with manhood. When growing up we are told to be a man. I'm not sure how to explain it but sometimes it doesn't end that way.

[dudeinohio]

You fight it out and it's over with. No grudge. Maybe even become friends.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

It’s physical expressions of emotional processing

[Asker]

Oh, I like that description.

[noohair]

This is caveman mindset. Men had to let things go to cooperate to hunt successfully.

[slatyb]

No, it's nothing I or my friends would do.

[Asker]

I do get that. I'm more trying to understand when it does happen.

[slatyb]

It's a tribal thing. Better to play some team sport.

[Asker]

Good explanation.

[Shiprex]

It's a shared traumatic experience that brings men together.