How do you deal when your kid doesn't listen?

[Anonymous]

So I have 6yo son and he's really smart. However if I was telling him to do smth and explain why he had to do, he would usually do if it made sense to him. Now, no matter what I ask, if I ask nicely, he says no just for the sake of it, and then proceeds to do but pretends he doesn't know how to do and asks million questions about it and if he can do smth wrong, he does it wrong and then acts surprised. But if I had enough with kind explanations or soft-speaking and I just yell at him to do, he does it quickly and flawless. Like he just gets the things done efficiently if I yell but if I won't, he keeps playing dumb.

I don't wanna be a yelling mom though and I don't want him to get used to yelling but he just doesn't listen when I ask nicely.

What phase is that? How do you deal with stuff like this?

[slatyb]

"he would usually do if it made sense to him." That's typical for bright children. There's something else happening that is causing him to refuse. When he does make an honest effort, do you reward the effort? Or do you criticize him for not doing it as well as an adult? Very bright children can give adults the false impression that they are mature beyond their age. If you are asking your son to perform tasks that cannot be done by most six-year-olds, your expectations are unrealistic. by the way, I was that child, exceptionally bright (algebra at 7), but my mother would give me tasks that were too much for a child of my age. I probably could have done them with better instruction, and a feeling that I would be rewarded when it was complete, but I got neither.

[Asker]

I was thinking that too, but he gets things done after yelling so it's not that he can't do it.
I always cheer him up if he does it, usually it's things related to independency - like showering, putting clothes on, choosing the outfit - stuff like that. and then tell others how good he did today and he acts proud.
I just can't understand why he's being so dramatic about it every time

[slatyb]

Look more deeply. What does he say when you ask him? What happens after he showers and dresses? School? Maybe there's something happening at school. Maybe there's just nothing happening at school and he's bored out of his mind. Don't take him to a professional, but you might try asking one for advice. There's a reason besides pissing you off.

[AaronKrieger]

Look, I always listened to my dad the first time he says soemthing because I knew he would react strongly fast (not abusive, as he has never yelled at me before). I knew he would be quick to punish, so I did not push my luck.

I know I am not the same as your kid nor do I know all the context about your dynamic. I just know people treat someone seriously when they know they mean business.

[jennifer_bloom]

Take a way his Nintendo, refuse to drive him to soccer practice, stop cooking his food with spices and force him to eat plain, unflavoured chicken, stop cleaning his room, buy him really ugly clothes and hide the good clothes, stop inviting his friends over to the house, take away his favourite CD’s, etc…

[Ariesman81]

The "You're not my Dad" phase. Have fun.

[jahaims]

Oppositional defiant disorder

[slatyb]

That doesn't just happen. There's something else that he's not able to verbalize, or maybe he doesn't try because he knows his parents won't really listen.

[nl171]

Hey I can give you advice if you dm me