Do I have the right to be angry at my guy friend for confessing his feelings for me in front of everyone?

[Anonymous]

My guy friend who I am very close with just confessed to me yesterday that he is in love with me but I didn’t answer back it first. I mean I wasn’t too shocked but now I’m angry and uncomfortable. I told him him I value our friendship too much and I don’t see him the same way. He said drag and that’s it. Now I’m very angry. I don’t understand why. Why did he wait 10 years? I would have moved on. I told him before I see him as a friend.

[Hardon-Collider]

I see "poor guy!" comments below but i think it is his own lesson (not fault, but he made a leason for himself) since you told him before that you see him as a friend.

Imagine. Women brush off romantic attempts without directly saying "friends zone", and men understand it. You literally told him "as a friend" and he didn't listen. That's retarded.

Secondly, the public confession is just dumb and mean toward you, it would make anyone cringe even if you saw him romantically.

There's a distinct line in this "very close friends" where once it is crossed, you know that there is no mutual romantic/sexual tension. He needs to see this clip and think about it: ㅤ

https://www.youtube.com/embed/ixOJE-k40ss

[ohsheeT]

There is no need to get angry. Just keep being smart

You did the right thing some time no matter how old someone is you have to teach them the most important things about life.

Some guys brains only think so far and then it shuts down

You might have to explain to him again. You are friends right now.\nAnd you've been friends for a long time. There's a reason for that

Because ten years ago , you made a choice , either and friends for a long , long , long time

Or your friend and somewhere down the road. It doesn't work out and you lose your best friend or a good friend

So he needs to be honest with himself.\n Because like any guy, he's thinking he wants to get into your pants, but that's as far as he thinks he doesn't think a month down the road a year down the road when something and you break up. And then what no more friendship.

So he has to be honest with himself and figure that out

And if he says , well , that's not gonna happen well , he's not being honest , and he's not being a friendbecause he's only thinking of himself

[Asker]

Yeah I guess so. I don’t think he’s EVER wanted to date another girl because he admitted that he only wants me and he knew I was the one since childhood. That is so wild. He has to at least date other women or give them a chance.

[DishLady]

See, asker THAT is a massive deceit on his part. He shouldn't have stayed in your friend zone. A self-respecting person wouldn't. I have a few guy friends who "caught feelings" for me and told me they had to step away from me bc they knew that clearly I was not going to entertain thoughts of a relationship with them. I miss them bc they brought good energy into my life, but I respect them and wish them well for carrying on to find a good and healthy relationship. If you don't have feelings for him I agree that you do have to have a calm discussion explaining why you should stay "just friends" and if he can't do that then he has to move on.

[ohsheeT]

Very wise

[ohsheeT]

@asker yes you would think that that's something that he would have thought about. I think sometimes people get caught up in their own head and they get tunnel vision. And then sometimes they get what they wanted in the realize , that's not what I think they wanted it was the thought that they wanted the whole idea

The no matter what it takes, both people.\nTo be on the same page and with everything else that goes with it
That's what makes us grow and understand what we're really want is through experience and that knowledge

[HollyK21]

I mean you’re entitled to feeling however you wanna feel but in this case I’m not sure why when you already knew he had feelings for you. You even admit to already telling him you only see him as a friend, which to me says this has already come up in conversation. Maybe he just didn’t think you took him serious and by announcing it how he did you’d then have a change of heart.


In any case this could be a sign that you and him need some space. I know that would suck if he’s a close friend but sometimes you can’t have it both ways — having him in your life as a friend while knowing he sees you as more. You can continue to keep him around if you want but if you make that choice then you cannot be oblivious to his feelings anymore, you also can’t tell yourself that just because you tell him you’re just friends, it does not mean he is going to listen.

[ElenaSeluna]

Yes, you’re allowed to feel angry or uncomfortable. But it’s also important to acknowledge that it likely took him a lot of vulnerability and courage to confess his feelings after so long. Opening up like that isn’t easy, especially when there’s a real risk of losing the friendship
If he respected your response and didn’t pressure you, then he handled it maturely. Your feelings are valid but so were his.

[WindAtMyBack]

He shouldn't have said that in front of other people. You can't help how you feel about it.

I have to ask if you made it completely clear that you have no romantic interest in him. Did you say it directly? Or did you just hint about it and assume he understood?

You need to make it very clear. Then I think you need to let this guy go and stop talking to him. Completely cut off all contact of any type. Maybe you don't want to lose a friend, but as a friend you need to stop talking to him. You need to give him a chance to move on. After ten years he is obviously not interested in just being friends. He is not able to do that. He really needs to move on and give himself a chance to find someone else. He won't be able to do that as long as you keep spending time with him as a friend.

For his own good, you need to let him go. Time is the most valuable thing we have in life. All those years he's spent pining after you is time he can't get back.

[OneViewpoint]

You don't feel that way about him. OK. He's been waiting around 10 years for you to see him "that way". He had to get it out. Meaning he's done waiting. This was his way of getting resolution. Either you come to the revelation you can't live without him or he moves on and so do you. Friendship over. Get mad all you want. All he did was drag you to the crossroads (finally) and force a decision for two people who have been wasting their time for a decade. That's what you're pissed about. Make a decision.

[Anonymous]

You are not responsible for managing his rejection distress. Your priority is regaining your sense of comfort and safety.

Moments of warmth or closeness in a long-term friendship can accidentally reignite fires of hope for the person with unrequited feelings, leading them to believe the status might finally change.

You have every right to feel angry and uncomfortable. Your reaction is a natural response to a significant breach of trust and a violation of your social boundaries.

Good luck.

[Cyfris]

You have the right to feel however you want about anything. Is it productive.. no.. healthy.. prolly not.. News flash.. most men in your life are only there for the chance to take their shot when they feel the time is right.. Why else would they be friends. your not gonna help fix their car when it breaks or repair a leaky tap or shovel the driveway. If you can't be friend with a guy who would date you given the opportunity you prolly shouldn't have male friends..

[spartan55]

So you string him along knowing he likes you and you're pissed at him? You sound full of yourself, and a shitty person too.

[DishLady]

How is she stringing him along if she just found out he likes her. Get off the high horse, man. The guy wasn't straight up with her. No girl is magically guessing that every guy who "wants to be friends" is into her, you know?

[Asker]

@DishLady exactly! He said he tried to get me to notice but he wasn’t clear so it isn’t my fault

[Asker]

I did not strong him along! That shows how much you know

[spartan55]

I definitely know more than you pink anon.
You said that you 'weren't too shocked' when you found out. Hmmm sounds like you knew, even if he didn't say it. Whoops, you told on yourself.
What high horse am I on @DishLady? Gtfoh.

[DishLady]

Dude, some days you're like a beast with a bone. Let the pink anon go.

[spartan55]

She's full of shit. She knew exactly what she was doing, and now she is playing dumb to dodge accountability. What a surprise.

[DishLady]

10 years? Was he dating other people? Or perhaps you were? A guy friend I've known since college did something like that two years ago when he realized how compatible we were. Only took him 30 years to figure it out.

[Asker]

I don’t know. He l never said he dated other people. I don’t think he’s EVER dated another girl. I’ve dated. I’ve had relationships.

[DishLady]

So perhaps he was waiting for you to be "free" of those other guys both mentally and literally.

[Anonymous]

Based on your attitude, you're the poster child on why men never ever open up to women. No empathy for anyone but your self, never mind the fact that he was suffering under living a lie. You don't deserve his friendship, let alone anything else. Shame..

[exitseven]

it took 10 years to work up the courage to tell you.

[OlderAndWiser]

From your post, it is not clear which aspect of this is making you angry.

[DishLady]

I think it's just the fact that he stepped up to bat only after they've known each other 10 years. As someone who that's happened to, I'll tell you that it's confusing to the gal whether the guy has waited 3 months, 3 years or 3 decades. Some guys only "step up" when it's too late.

[AngryCarl3]

Why are you angry that some sad loser embarrassed himself? Did you have feelings for him?

[Asker]

What do you mean embarrassed himself and no I dont have feelings for him

[AngryCarl3]

Sounds like he exposed himself in front of all your friends. Emotionally I mean. And if you don't have feelings for him, why do you care?

[Shy-boy53]

Oh dear , whoops !! Yeah I think you do as it’s a bit unfair to put you on the spot like that

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

You have a right to whatever feeling. Its your mind and emotions.

[Twalli]

Feelings change. He may have seen you as a friend originally, but then his feelings changed.

[CuriousMufuxka]

You don't seem genuine.

[Asker]

What do you mean? I was being honest

[Gexuoo]

Yes you can