I embarrassed my ex boyfriend by making him cry infront of all his friends after he cheated on me. Am I wrong for what I said?

[Anonymous]

My ex and I had been dating for a year and a half but the last 2 month of our relationship had been rocky. We were constantly fighting and I went to bed crying nearly every night. Last week I made the decision to break up with him and it ended peacefully we even made a plan to meet up to give eachother our things back where he stood me up making me wait for 2 hours. I hadn't seen him until today when I found out he had been cheating on me with 5 different girls for the last month of our relationship. I went up to him infront of all his friends and called him out for it, calling him a narcissistic lying dick to which he blew up at that. He then proceeded to point out my biggest insecurities and secrets that I have only told him in confidence, he also pointed out my mental disorders saying I was "fucked in the head". I got upset and slapped his face...

(yes I know it was horrid and as soon as I did it I wanted to puke it was so disgusting of me to do that but I was mad about everything and I have never done something that awful to a person in my entire life so I don't need advice on that front"

... and told him how I never went down on him because he smelled and tasted bad and how he needed to clean himself. How he never made me finish and I faked it every single time. I also brought up how he's a liar and a manipulative psychopath and how all his friends hate him. As I was walking away I realized he was crying. And not just some tear-rolling-down-face cry, he was sobbing into his friends arms. Keep in mind this man rarely shows any "embarrassing" emotions so it was weird seeing him cry especially since what I said was nothing compared to what he said.

The thing is, I still love him. We had been friends for 7 years before we started dating and I'm going to not only miss my boyfriend but I'll be missing my best friend and I even though I still love him I hate him for hurting me so deeply and lying.

Am I the dick for everything I said to him?

Updates

1 y

Just to clarify some things:
-I didn't just run up to him and his friends screaming I came to him peacefully and eventually it led to that reaction.
-He pointed out my sexual flaws infront of his friends as well and I retaliated.
-I am not condoning hitting anyone and am in no way saying I was right for doing that, you should never hit anyone unless out of self defense and I lost control in the moment and apologized profusely for it.

[Finchie40]

No , he dug his own grave by cheating on you and treating you like shit, I am not saying you were this perfect Angel as well , I am sure you have said things during your relationship to make him not happy with you , but all in all , he deserves what you said to him , Hopefully he has a wake up call after this and changes his ways cuz he clearly is a selfish asshole if he is playing with all these girls as well , It’s guys like him that ruin it for guys that actually have moral values that don’t cheat and value relationships. That have the dignity just to walk away if things aren’t going well in a relationship instead of stringing someone along for their own selfish reasons , No relationship is perfect everyone goes through ups and downs but when someone in the relationship is completely selfish like your ex was by cheating on you they deserve every bit of disrespect because they are only thinking of themselves , Cheating is a selfish act , if someone can cheat on someone and try to go back to their partner like nothing happened they are clearly a selfish person that needs a wake up call , if they cheat and end the relationship right then and there then to me that’s a different story even though it is still fucked up it’s better then being completely lied to. So again he deserves what you said to him and the fact that he cried just shows he couldn’t handle the truth

[Finchie40]

A girl hitting is different than a guy hitting unless you were trying to kill him then it be a different story , But all in all You still had every right to react like you did , If he was a man , he would of took you somewhere privately to talk instead of trying to show off in front of his friends. So he choose not to , and he got what he deserved. Most break ups don’t end on good terms so don’t feel sorry for your reactions , He did you dirty and he is the piece of shit and the coward out of all of this , for the fact that he was cheating on you and playing you , so be thankful it’s over and hopefully this situation will help you be more wiser next round. Most of us go through bad seeds until we find a good seed

[Asker]

I appreciate your response but I don't want to preach violence as what I did was terrible and just unnecessary. I'm just unsure if my words were too hurtful because I know he betrayed me in one of the worst ways but looking back on it I just feel awful saying those things.

[Finchie40]

Yea I agree with you that hitting someone. is crossing the line if they weren’t trying to physically attack you , so yes I agree that’s something you have to work on in yourself to be able to control your anger and emotions , The same way your ex is going to have to learn not to be a selfish piece of shit player , Whether you or him learn from your mistakes that’s both your individual problems , No one is perfect , we all make our own choices and mistakes in life , whether you learn from it or not that’s on you , There is always consequences to our actions , Whether you agree or disagree that’s something you will learn on your own , Most of us learn from the consequences we go through because we all are imperfect people with free will. My experiences with girls’ has put me on a huge rollercoaster ride lol Trying to understand a girl is not very easy let alone trying to understand myself lol But one thing I learned in myself is that I can only give what I want to receive , I can only treat someone the same way I want to be treated , we can’t force someone to love us , we can only love the same way we want to be loved in return , removing our inner selfishness the same way your partner should do for you is the only way love grows , when you can’t remove your inner selfishness for someone they will not be able to do it for you , No relationship is perfect , but when you learn within yourself how to remove that selfishness for someone it’s easier for them to do it for you. That’s why cheating is a selfish decision, you are only thinking of yourself when you can cheat on someone that have you their heart

[razelove]

Honestly I wouldn't feel any pity. Break it down by the numbers.
Breaking up, great idea, prioritizing a clean break with his shit gone, and yours back and your hands, even better, no rebounds.
Bothering to argue with someone getting that much strange, ehh, futile gesture. Thinking he's actually bothered to the point of crying, rather than trying to make you look worse than himself in front of his friends, don't even worry.
Make your priority getting an STD test and put that in the rearview, remember the good times, and forget everything else so you don't pollute your future relationships from that. What I mean is thinking all guys will cheat and screw you over to that level simply because he took advantage of your trust and did. It took me a long time to get back into dating because a woman did that to me.

[SueShe]

You would have shown dignity, self respect and courage by keeping those hurtful comments t to yourself or at least, not to leash out in front of his friends. Instead, you demeaned and humiliated him.

Was it wrong? Yes it was but I can understand that all those emotions needed to come out in a way or another. What have you achieved?

You managed to look bad in front of everyone because now, he will certainly not hold back telling everything he perhaps forgot to mention. You may become the gossip of town and your outburst may well turn against you, at least among his circle of friends.

You will be stigmatized for a while and he will remain humiliated because those friends will likely make fun of him in a way or another.

It was not very mature but again, I can understand that it needed to get out. If only you would have done it in private and not in public.

[Asker]

Which is completely fair, however I did try to talk to him in private many times. I told him we needed to discuss what was going to happen (mainly with each others things since he has my laptop and I have lots of his clothing) since he had been ignoring me, he refused so I said fine we'll talk infront if your friends and that's when all that started. However on the being the "talk of the town" we live in a pretty weird area so I'm not too worried about that, obviously there will be rumors and talk about me I'm not that naive to think there wouldn't be and I do feel bad for everything I said which is why I just needed to know if it was warranted for the things he did/said.

[Softlife808]

Exactly! I felt that was very immature on her end. She could've walked away gracefully but now this is further conformation for him as to why his actions were appropriate in his mind. She also mentioned they have been rocky and that she had ended things with him first. So I don't understand the point of her drama scene. It was just unnecessarily to me

[Softlife808]

I also told her she achieved absolutely nothing

[Asker]

@Softlife808 Fir further context since you seem to think you know everything about my relationship, I approached him calmly not trying to start a fight and attempting to work out a time to get my things back when he got upset and called me names and I called him out to which he responded with worse things than what I had said. Obviously I was upset and compared to what he said, what I said was civil. He poked at my trauma and kept doing that until I flipped. I'm sure if you were in my position you would have done nearly the same thing.

[SusanColleen]

He started the insults, I would of revealed all his personal kinks, and had him crying uncontrollably, I’d find some way to completely humiliate him publicly. I used to spank and paddle my ex, and once when he really pissed me off by insulting my older sister I ordered him to retrieve the paddle from upstairs and strip completely naked and I gave him a harsh paddling with my sister witnessing it and seeing the tears stream down his face. His little erection disappeared fast when the paddling began, and my sister’s presence added to his humiliation

[Anonymous]

I had one ex girlfriend who made me cry over extremely nasty things she said to me at the end. I never cried once in front of her. Ever. Except once when I said “I missed talking to her” and her response was absolutely cruel and heinous. This was a few weeks after she dumped me

Turns out she was the one who was cheating (never got it confirmed but I am about 99.99% sure it happened). She had to see me as less than human to make herself feel better about her bullshit. But if I cheated it would have been a different story.

He did something fundamentally wrong if he really did cheat. 5 girls in one month? That’s insane. I wouldn’t feel sorry for him.

The only (maybe) exception is he confessed to to you without having to ask. Not that makes it all better but I wouldn’t embarrass him if he at least owned up to it.

[Asker]

First of all I'm very sorry you had to go through that and second I appreciate your response. It is hard to not feel bad though especially after hitting someone even though he did cheat.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah you shouldn’t have hit him. Although I can see why he pushed you to that brink still you don’t hit people (man or woman) unless it’s in self defense. If you ever encounter him again you should apologize for that slap but absolutely nothing else you said.

For a long time it was consider “okay” for women to hit men and not to expect to get back. However there are two major gapping problems with this:

1) there are now several proven incidents (video recordings) where women hit innocent men and use this the “but I’m a woman” bs as a disgusting excuse to get away with it. You ex boyfriend isn’t innocent but just saying.

2) women hitting men and not expecting to be hit back is a direct contradiction to “gender equality”. Women can not and should not be allowed to get away this anymore.

But at least you know what you did was wrong. But never hit a man again unless he’s physically attacking you. Also I can’t tell you how many women I’ve encountered who actually wanted me to hit them. One literally flat out asked me to in a public bar one time because I turned her down (she was grabbing my shirt and trying to shove me). She deserved to be punched square in the face but I know exactly what she was up to. She was hoping to get me arrested which might of happened. But it was pure agony tolerating it.

Anyway I’m glad you owned up to being wrong about slapping him.

[Asker]

I completely agree with you and everything you said I also have the same opinions on. Regardless of gender hitting is still hitting and it was absolutely wrong what I did. As soon as I hit him I apologized and I sent him a text later apologizing profusely.

[Opinion Owner]

I am glad you did that and the fact you owned up to that. You don’t have to apologize to him for anything else except that part.

[Opinion Owner]

by the way men are starting to draw the line on this bs. My own mother physically abused my dad with this double standard bs. If the roles were reversed he would be in jail. I haven’t spoken to her personally in 6 years after I found she once hit him over the head with a mag light flashlight.

I’m more infuriated about her attitude that “it’s not a big deal” because she’s a woman vs. the actual incident itself. Furious that she won’t own up to it (also disappointed with my dad for not leaving her after that). So you did the right thing owning up to it. Just never do someone like that again no matter how upset you are. Whether he hits you back or not there will always consequences.

[FreyaRed]

No. He cheated on you and you have any right to belittle and disrespect him. Your love is futile because it's one sided. If he really loved you he wouldn't cheat. Artificial drama of kneeling and whining is just a show to ensure he will get away with it.
However, do what you want. I wouldn't hesitate to cheat on him and I would pick his best friend if I could to show him their friendship isn't much worth. Satisfying you desire for revenge is important and won't save your relationship but improves you ego and self-confidence.

[MementoMori777]

Well it wasn't the right thing to do but you can't talk shit and not expect to get it back, he talked shit and got it back, the difference is that you had more shit on him than he had on you and not only that sometimes the truth hurts and they have to hear it, let's hope he does the best thing out of it and changes what he has to change to be a better person, no one has every told him before I'm sure and now he knows maybe next time he will think twice before cheating, insulting, lying, or just simply being toxic in any way.

[Anonymous]

I cannot make moral judgments or provide personal opinions. However, it is important to recognize that the way you chose to confront your ex-boyfriend may not have been the healthiest or most constructive way to handle the situation. It is understandable to be hurt and angry after being cheated on, but resorting to personal attacks and revealing intimate details may have caused more harm than good. It may be helpful to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to process your emotions and move forward in a more positive way.

[Softlife808]

He technically didn't cheat on you. You stated your relationship had been rocky for sometime. So why didn't you leave then? By that time he noticed it wasn't working so he started seeing other women.

I dont see a point in you doing that in front of his friends. I would've just left him minus the theatrics. You accomplished nothing really.

[Asker]

Based on you're reply I can tell you've cheated before. Having hard times in your relationship doesn't mean you're broken up it means you have a normal relationship. We never took a break or anything like that so there is no room for misunderstanding. He did cheat. I didn't leave because I loved him and tried to work things out. I admit my actions weren't the best and I definitely could have handled it but I was emotional and had every right to be.

[Softlife808]

There's a huge lack of maturity on your end. From the way you handled this situation and your response to my reply. Grow up, you've honestly further proved his point in cheating on you.

[Asker]

I don't see how I'm the one lacking maturity in the position. Obviously what I did wasn't the right thing to do but if you actually had read the whole thing you would have seen where I said he basically said the exact same thing to me and was the one who instigated the fight. I acted from an emotional place and it wasn't the most mature thing to do, sure. However there is quite literally no excuse to cheat on someone, if you lose feelings break up and then get with someone. There was no point to cheating and never is, clearly you're the one needing to "grow up" if you think cheating is ever okay or justified.

[Softlife808]

Because you could've ended things and walked away. But you lack self control and maturity. No offense, with your assumptions and rudeness I would've cheated on you too.

[Softlife808]

Basically, provided him with the validation he needed.

[Asker]

Like I said obviously I handled things wrong but I do not lack self control. I found out that day that he had cheated on me with 5 other women and he instigated the fight saying worse things than what I said. I was never rude in this conversation, I assumed you to be a cheater based on the facts that
1.) you essentially said it was valid he cheated
2.) you said he didn't cheat because we were having small fights
3.) and now you're saying you would have cheated on me.
You're approach and response was rude, and clearly my assumption was correct if you're excusing cheating.

[Softlife808]

You do lack self control. You don't know what to say and when to say it. You're inappropriate in the things you say which proves true based on what you assumed about me just because I didn't agree with you. Yeah you gave him validation lol. Based on your actions he most likely doesn't feel bad for cheating. The only reason he cried was to seem like he cared in front of his friends. Other than that he's done with you and has been done with you for sometime. That's why your relationship was rocky. No need of crying over spilled milk it's over

[Softlife808]

So I'm not sure why this is even a topic anymore.

[Asker]

I did not assume you to be a cheater because you didn't but agree with me and if you look down at my other replies to people I didn't assume they a cheater, you excused his actions which is what a cheater does and clearly you're upset that people aren't okay with cheaters. You don't even know me and saying I "lack self control" is honestly just a dumb thing to say in this situation. Like I said it obviously wasn't the best decision and again he instigated the fight talking about very sensitive topics. The inappropriate thing I said was retaliation to the equally if not more inappropriate things that he had said. I'm not crying lol and he was crying because he was embarrassed. As someone who knows my ex, I know he isn't able to fake tears he was just embarrassed he was caught and embarrassed I called him out and said the things I said. My actions matched his actions so if you're saying he shouldn't feel bad for cheating then you're saying it would be completely okay if I cheated.

[Softlife808]

Well you might aswell move on you guys are done

[Asker]

Clearly you're just a trashy person looking for drama and entertainment based on your excusing of shitty behavior and your rudeness.

[Softlife808]

Lol...

[Asker]

I know it's hard for narcissistic cheaters like you to understand but it takes a little time to move on, which I am doing just slowly like a normal functioning person does after a breakup.

[Softlife808]

Girl bye that's why you got dumped lol 😆. Learn to shut up

[Asker]

If you could read properly you would see where it says I broke up with him

[Softlife808]

He cheated on you first therefore he initially dumped you

[Softlife808]

Without even putting into words he dumped you

[Asker]

Okay well no since he was begging for me back, clearly you don't know how relationships work by literally every comment you have made in this conversation.

[Softlife808]

Girl it's over move on. This topic is dead

[Softlife808]

You don't have a relationship lol you were dumped.

[Asker]

Never said I had a relationship anymore so no idea where you're getting any of that from. You are quite literally insane, you're just making things up at this point and twisting my words, plus you're excusing shitty and immature behavior on his part. Like I said I dumped him and he begged for me back, not the other way around.

[Softlife808]

Time to move on. He dumped you.

[Asker]

Jesus you really need to to go back to school and get an education so you can read what I'm saying and comprehend it. I am moving on. I dumped him. He was shitty and I tried to make it work. It was a bad relationship and everyone has them. I made mistakes and so did he because we're human.

[Softlife808]

Lol 🤣 he left you

[boggboss]

Meh he hurt you so u lashed out nothing surprising in that department

[Jocktober]

Sounds like he got what he deserved. You should sleep just fine.

[Anonymous]

You both were in the wrong here. Saying all of that stuff in front of your friends was just dead wrong but saying that stuff in general was dead wrong. There's no winner here.

[RenRen098]

the way that he brought up things about you is why it’s hard to trust. But it only makes him look worse. in my opinion you defended yourself

[Iron_Man]

Wow, what a big blowout in front of the friends a lot of immaturity here

[Softlife808]

Right, very immature.

[Iron_Man]

yes….

[Asker]

Yes, neither of us handled the situation as it should have been handled.

[Iron_Man]

Try again

[Asker]

Um no? Maybe read my question again. I approached him calmly asking for my things where he got upset and started name yelling at me to which I started yelling at him, he then brought up my trauma in an awful way which pushed me over the edge. Like I said I was wrong for what I did and am in no way excusing it however, he cheated, he started yelling at me when I was calm and all I wanted was my things back. So yes, neither of us handled it well.

[Iron_Man]

Sorry

[ChillaxingLove]

Your not compatible

[ChillaxingLove]

*your not compatible with him. There’s no nice way to say we need to break up

[Anonymous]

He got off lightly, if anything.

[Anonymous]

Simply a bitchy behavior

[Anonymous]

Ouch