I accused my boyfriend of cheating and he broke up with me, was I right to say something?

[Anonymous]

recently my boyfriends, has been really distracted, texting whilst we are on calls, not really being as interested in me, not telling me about his day and accusing me of cheating a lot. When we both decide to go out with friends or family we normally text each other and send a photo for peace of mind and any worry. well the other night we went out with his brother and only messaged me once throughout the night, and that was when he was heading home I already had my suspicions so I messaged him, if anything has happened you'd tell my right and he promised me he'd never hurt me and he loves me so I asked him are you really with who you say you are with and he waits 10 minutes and facetimes me when he gets to his room, I then tell him how I've been feeling and he says he will text the person he went out with to prove they were together, he then procced to what felt like stalling to maybe make up text messages, because those texts were all sent back and forth within 60 seconds. I then asked if he would go down stairs and confirm the person who he went out with was there because they were staying at his house and he refused, he then got angry and hung up after I questioned why he wouldn't just go down stairs and show me that they were really there. He then began to message me, shame me, blame me, and name call. after going back and forth on text about why he couldn't just go downstairs and prove it (his reply was 'can't be bothered he's too tired) he told me it was over and to eff off. He hasn't spoken to me since and has removed me off all social media and most likely blocked my number. I'm not sure if I'm being stupid but something doesn't feel right. He normally sends my photos throughout his night and messages me but last night was different. and he just go too defensive too fast. someone help me!

[Anonymous]

Yes you did. If he was really innocent and cared anout you he would’ve definitely given you the proof you asked for (going downstairs to show you). He’s hiding something for sure, and if something feels off it usually is… You’re better off without him so please just move on and never go back to him even if he shows up again.

[tony_baloney]

Incorrect. I've never cheated in my life and dont plan to and I would have broken up with her too. In fact, I had a girlfriend in the past who was exactly like this, but maybe a little worse.

No one wants to live under that kind of stress and suspicion, constantly getting accused of things they've never done. Eventually it wears you down and drives you crazy

[Asker]

Thank you, I think it's time too.

[Asker]

@tony_baloney I've never accused him before he normally accesses me

[Asker]

@tony_baloney anytime he asks me for proof or closure I give it to him, every single time because I have nothing to hide and normally he sends me photo of his night anyways because we both do that anyways but the whole night I heard nothing at all and his story didn't add up.

[Asker]

@tony_baloney accuses*

[tony_baloney]

What if the photos were never good enough and they still treated you like you had something to hide, even though you didn't? That's the kind of pressure I was living with.-. I get what you're saying, but I have ptsd cringes at these stories now lol

[Asker]

@tony_baloney I didn't need a photo the person was supposed to be staying at his house so he could of stayed on ft and literally on walked downstairs, he said he couldn't be bothered. But I've done this for him countless times and he normally rings me. It was pressure because I don't normally ask. he does. we just send pictures of our night like others post on their stories we post to each other with captions like 'I miss you' or 'wish you were here.' This was the first time he just said nothing all night until he got home.

[melanieeeB]

Sounds so damn exhausting, don't get into a relationship if you have literally no trust at all

[Guy13]

As a guy, you’re smothering with the incessant checking-up on me 💩. I’m thinking God that you ended it. If you would seriously like to delve into my thoughts and interpretations here then respond. Have a good day 😎

[Asker]

We both send photos and check up on each other because if drinking is involved something might happen, the first time I messaged was to make sure he got there safely.

[Asker]

He gets angry when I don't reply and accesses me, and neve get angry I get worried he might be lost or too drunk. this is the first time I've been open and asked his behaviour.

[Asker]

accuses*

[Guy13]

Firstly, when you are dealing with stuff like this out in one submission. The length of allowed response is determined by it. 1 hour trying to break this response into sizes that will fit and had to delete much. I'm sure I missed data from original penning. ADULT stuff in the Selfie Generations /Narcissism exist in glorifying Me, Myself, and I supported by a secular humanist view of Self as God. Blaming everything upon another to the point of gaslighting is common. The Party receiving such reaction "thinks, "what are you hiding-projection your guilt/lies -signs of cheating"- right 50% of the Time. most frightening is you chose a mate who is developmentally a 11 year old.-"All I can handle is how good you tell me that I am. no fault pointing even if influencing"

[Asker]

I'm not sure what this means, but wow that was amazingly written!

[Guy13]

Depending upon genetics and raising, souls of this sort are stuck and develop into Narcissism. At all costs a created world that is false but a protective zone. Depending, a younger man may proceed into "body counting" as means of verification of successful rather than Job or PhD etc. Where this can eventually end, and I see the beginning here, is an adult 11 year old who craves constant attention and verification. At its pinnacle, positive or negative attention works ALL in order to protect a "make believe constructed 11 year old world." .

[Guy13]

Administering Hurt to defend said world and receiving attention from Other Pain is one outcome (sociopath-like). Good reinforcement is welcomed too. The method is Blame Game which develops into what is known today as "gaslighting". The worst of Narcissists have a secondary diagnosis of sociopath or psychopath. Self as God that is so committed that dehumanization is required so "abuse" can be Self-justified. Screw the intricacies of you two's dynamic. Step back from the Micro lone enough to examine Macro. And then, connect the dots (interplay) between the two. NOBODY here is qualified to give you an accurate assessment AND you would be a FOOL to go on what is said here.

[Guy13]

Again, 20s usually means academia and access to a free counselor. Take your diary (case study) to the Counselor.-If none then document "Events" Take to Counselor before Appointment day. Get an OPINION that is worth a shit as that individual will know intimate details. "No harm intended" Fools on here... which i am one are not qualified to assist you in any meaningful way. WATCH more and SAY, and electronically MONITOR LESS. Let the truth unwind itself.

[Guy13]

Again, I do not know because I am not there and am assuming you are at least 18 years old from age above. I have lived it in my world picking up the pieces in what can best be described as a Friendship thing... Counselor or just let it go is what I would do.

[Asker]

thank you so much for your advice I might seek some counselling, you are very insightful, I appreciate the help

[Anonymous]

Fuck... I gagged a little on almost every single sentence. Did anyone actually cheat or are you both just super insecure? I'd have broken up with you too

[Asker]

This is the first time I've questioned it truly, as he normally asks me all the time.

[Opinion Owner]

Ohhhhhhh. The way you told the story made it sound like it was the opposite way around. Still stand by my response though, just the other way around. I don't stand by your choice, but I support not being together lol. Trust is a truly beautiful thing

[Asker]

That's fine, I got my answer from how he reacted.

[Opinion Owner]

You lasted longer than I would. The second i got asked for a "peace of mind photo" I'd have already had one foot out the door lol

[Asker]

he asks me quite a lot and I always do or I send him screenshots of my whole conversations calls and videos on the night and I have my location on 24/7 he doesn't have his on.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, that's ridiculously over the top. That's just a complete invasion of privacy and lack of trust. You should never give into those people. "If my word isn't good enough, than why are you with me?"

I was with someone like that many years ago and it just slowly destroyed me. Always getting essentially accused of being unfaithful, when they knew damn well that I'm not the type. My father has a second family he was cheating on my mother and siblings with... I was also sexually assaulted at a young age.. both of those things really turned me off to the idea of anything other than monogamy and I very much uncomfortable of then idea of hookups without a connection. She knew this about me, such intimate dark details about my soul, and still would accuse ask me for proof of where I was and accuse me of infidelity. .-. I'm so lucky my current girlfriend is the most amazing woman on the planet, I couldn't deal with pressure like that anymore

[Asker]

I'm so sorry that happened to you! I feel your pain I was SA twice in one year by men I thought I could trust, so I always try to give him the trust I always wanted from men. But yeah I've given him a lot of proof and peace of mind, and I was pushed away for having a natural feelings of worry. he did say to me if you can't trust my word then leave, and then broke up with me

[Opinion Owner]

Same... my family thought I was going to end up being gay because I would hang out more girls than I did boys, but looking back I think I just grew a general aversion to males that persisted for a while... even now, my close male friends are very atypical, in regards to their personalities. After you've described it more, he sounds like the type that's suspicious of being cheated on because they're a cheater themself. there's a lot of people like that, who place their own bs on others, assuming everyone is as shady as they are under the surface. For my ex, it was insecurity. Everyone was a threat who could possibly talk my pants off -.-

[Asker]

I was praying it was me being crazy but I normally trust him with all my heart this was just so odd. I completely understand how you feel, I do hope you have the support from your loved ones now and defo not just because that happened doesn't mean you are going to change, even if it did change you, as long as you are okay within yourself is all that matters!

[Opinion Owner]

I absolutely do and have grown far from that scared kid. The only way to move forward, for me, was to recognize that the things that happened, while terrible, made me into the person I am today and I've grown quite fond of the person that I've become.

I sincerely hope you find the kind of love that I have found in my girlfriend. There's such comfort in trust and security. She's so the opposite of jealous too. She has the same mindset that I have about it. "I want to be with you, but if you want to be with someone else, fine, go do it. Just do me the courtesy of breaking it off and dont expect me to be around after." I couldn't even begin to describe how special she is to me. She's a breath of fresh air. A ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.. she'd have a ring on her finger too, if I could afford it lol

[Asker]

I really hope you guys last forever the way you talk about her is so beautiful! thank you for sharing your story with me it was an eye opener and inspiring too. Thank you

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you! And I'm sorry my initial response was so hostile. The way you told the story innitially sounded like you were the aggressor, but it sounds more like you were sucked into his ideology of providing proof of fidelity, which hopefully you dont have to go through again

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing. You deserve better.

[Asker]

thank you, I'm hoping I'm wrong but something about this time doesn't feel right. He sent me text messages from the person he was out with but all the previous messages were deleted and all messages were sent within a minute!