Why is my guy friend acting like a jerk now that I lost weight?

[Anonymous]

Like what’s his deal? I mean he’s happy that I’m living a healthier life style but he says I have changed. I asked him what does he mean? He said I’m not the quiet sweet girl anymore and quite frankly I was less intimidating and easy to talk too. Not that I got “hot” I’m unapproachable.” Like WTF?
I used to be fat. I weighed 243lbs and I was so fat and chubby. Guys specially the ones I liked would not even look at me at all. My guy friend was the only one that thought i was beautiful despite hot fat I was and I was more attractive than slim and hot girls. I didn’t believe him even though it was sweet.
I always ended up going to dances with him, even if he asked me 10 times after I rejected him (accept for one) because no other guy would go with me or was taken. Some rejected me because I was fat.

He was a tall fat boy too and I was a tall fat girl. He lost some weight but still chubby. He NEVER looked at fit or slim women. He admitted he only preferred me (he likes big girls). Now I’m 165lbs, slim and I’m shape he admitted he has no chance now since most guys will approach her even hot guys. I told him I lost weight because I want to be healthier and he knows that. I told him so many times I don’t feel the same way.
He also admitted that he liked me when I was a bit chunkier. At least he’s honest but I didn’t like it.
What’s wrong with me being 5’11 and 165lbs?

My cousin said, “Fat guys and girls together. That was my league. So delusional that hot or cute guys would look at me. Date my friend.”
Why is my guy friend being a jerk about this?

[David318578]

This is the problem with having a guy friend who is clearly into you but you have friend zoned him.

Situations like that, the guy will do everything in his power to sabotage any relationships you have or in your case try and sabotage your ability to get in shape to get in a relationship. The "friends" goal is to be the last man standing so you finally give him a shot.

Are you ever going to give him a shot and date him?

[Asker]

Hell NO! I am so sick and tired of people telling me to give him a chance it asked me if I’m ever going to give him a chance. Also to make me feel bad for “friendzoning” him. People always give women shit for rejecting men. We don’t have a day but men do?’

[Asker]

He refuses to give other women a chance! He never gives them a chance and he’s wasting his time chasing me after telling him he have no interest.

[David318578]

Im not telling you to give him a chance I asked if that was a possibility. I dont care if you friend zoned him or not, im just telling you the reality of your situation you have created.

Another downside is guys will see your close guy friend as a huge red flag and stay away from you.

Nobody cares if you reject a guy, that happens all the time, but keeping him around after you have rejected him is the problem. Its not fair to him and it also ruins your own chance at finding someone.

[Asker]

What do you mean ruining my chances of finding someone else? I am allowed to find someone else. No wonder men don’t hit on me. My best friend said that guys didn't approach me in high school because of my guy friend and they probably know that he likes you. Either be blunt or turn him loose. I’m not being fair to him.

[David318578]

Because you having a guy friend is a red flag. Hypothetically if I was much younger and we started to date. When I find out that you have a close male friend, thats a red flag to me.
Getting serious with you means your close friend is going to be trying to sabotage our relationship. So why should I pick you and all the drama that your friend will create vs look for someone that doesn't have that kind of baggage?

Your friend wants you and will do everything in his power to make sure you eventually give him a chance. I dont want that kind of drama that he will create so I will keep looking.

[Asker]

So you would just leave me out of the dust? Just leave me like that? He’s not going to do a damn thing! I wish my guy friend didn’t like me. Even my best friend told me if I get with someone else, there’s a slight chance that me meeting someone will be ruined.
She said, “Girl how many times has he tried to keep guys away from you? He’s told guys that you were his girlfriend even though he wasn’t. You will have a difficult time meeting guys because of him because he will try to ruin it. So either set boundaries or set him loose! Guys don’t want to go out it’s female friends that have guy friends in love with him. Why do you think some guys in high school never approached you or never try? Because they know or can tell that your guy friend likes you! Get the picture?”

[David318578]

Yes once I find out you have a close male friend then my interest in you drops dramatically.

You having a guy friend causes drama, im not looking for drama in a serious relationship.

If all we are doing is hooking up and its nothing serious then it wouldn't bother me much at all because your not a long term solution.

Here is the thing, there is no perfect relationship, we are all humans and we all make mistakes and are not perfect. Disagreements and fights happen in every relationship. So everything i make a mistake or there is a misunderstanding, your guy friend will be in your eare telling you how i dont treat you right, or you can do so much better etc. He will try and turn a small issue into something much bigger, because he wants me gone, he wants every relationship you have to fail so you finally give him a shot.. so no thanks to that kind of drama.

[Asker]

What if I told him bluntly that I have no interest in him and he needed to respect that we were going out and I have told him so many times that I don’t like him that way and if he can’t respect that I’m dropping him.

[David318578]

It doesn't matter what you tell him, it matters what he tells you.

If I was your friend that was into you and you friend zoned me. And then told me that bluntly that you had no interest in me and I need to respect that. My reply to you would be "i understand and yes we can still just be friends"

And then I will do everything to undermine all your relationships. Evertime your boyfriend irritates you. I will be telling you how bad of a boyfriend he is and how he doesn't respect you and how you deserve better.

My goal as your "friend" is to destroy your relationships and manipulate you into thinking you should breakup with your boyfriend.

It doesn't matter how many times you tell me you dont like me in that way. Im playing the long game, with undermining all your relationships so eventually after failed and failed relationships you might change your mind and give me a shot.

What you say doesn't matter.

Guys will not be interested in you when you have a close guy friend.

You have 3 options

1) give your guy friend a shot (something you said you have no interest in)

2) stop being friends with him or at the very least be extremely distant friends, and try and find a serious relationship

3) keep being friends with him and start collecting cats.

The scenario you have does not work for finding a serious relationship.

[bowenw]

He may have low self esteem and be worried that he will lose you because more guys are noticing you now. If he truly only likes heavy girls, he may no longer find you as attractive.

[Asker]

Well that is not my problem. At least he was honest that he admitted that I was cuter chunkier and he preferred chunky girls over slim

[bowenw]

It is not your problem. Hopefully he returns to normal.

[Asker]

Yeah. I know he found be beautiful when I was heavier but I didn’t like the way I look. He said, “I never followed the social norms and needing to find the most attractive partner and I personally don’t care for hot or slim girls. You’re the 10/10 I see. Well you were.“ Damn I don’t need to take all this!

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

All the best to you.

[HollyK21]

@Abbycado here goes you know who again🫠. It’s never ending.

[Abbycado]

Jfc…

[Asker]

You guys are no help!

[Asker]

I blocked you both!

[HollyK21]

If you deanonymized we wouldn’t see any of your posts and vice versa. We both have previously blocked an Amazonchick or whatever new account has been made, yet it still shows up on our feeds because the account is anon. We wouldn’t see it if you didn’t have the veil, but that’s the form of comfort you need to make these posts. Here’s my advice — stop wasting people’s time. You have no intent on dropping the male friend, so stop talking bad about him on platforms like this where he’d never know, and wasting people’s time with lengthy conversations.

[HollyK21]

I also suggest you get a mental health assessment from a professional. How much you talk so badly about this friend yet refuse you cut him off is unsettling.

[Asker]

I told him

[ChicoFromThe305]

Maybe he's stressing about the fact that you'd more than likely leave him behind since now he isn't your only option.

[Asker]

There’s so many other women he can give a chance too

[ChicoFromThe305]

Probably, he's seems invested into you tho

[Asker]

He needs to move on

[ChicoFromThe305]

He probably will one day, I hope he does, he's wasting his time and he's not gonna get any younger

[Asker]

EXACTLY!