If I say ‘we should hang’ without details, will she think I’m not serious?

[Anonymous]

[rosemilk]

that is more of a suggestion/question. it is not you making definitive plans. you are basically just testing the waters to see what she'd say. it will likely just keep falling through if you that.

if you really want to be serious about it, tell her you would like to hang out with her. how does Saturday look? that way, you are letting her know your intentions clearly and also putting an actual day to meet. without that, there are just a lot of loose ends and it will continue to just loop in a circle "we should..." "yeah totally!" "when?" "I don't know" ...

[HollyK21]

Is it really so hard to just ask her out?
“Would you like to go out sometime?” Sounds more serious and maturer than “we should hang”.

[Asker]

I actually don't know how to ask a girl out and I'm not joking. I thought I could say we should hang out and that was it.

[HollyK21]

That’s totally fine, you don’t have to be a pro at this, just be intentional with your actions. If you can find the courage to ask a girl out, then at least be sure to do it the right way. Make sure your question is clear, so there’s no confusion or room for her to interpret your question as anything other than being asked on a date. Asking her to hang is the level of casualty you’d give to an old friend you randomly ran into. It’s such a loose ended question, no commitment to it, and often times its just a copout with the person who asked having no real intent of following through, they just didn’t wanna be impolite. I doubt that’s the message you want to relay.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. I didn't think it was that deep though. If we don't see each other I thought just bringing up hanging out would show my intent. Since I brought it up multiple times I thought she would think he actually wants to.

[HollyK21]

I’m just going to give you some polite advice, okay? Telling a woman “we should hang” is the level casualty you give to a friend, or even an acquaintance you ran into while out and about. You clearly think this question holds some level of depth within your purpose, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked her multiple times already. So then my question becomes: what’s the point? Is this just a friendship connection and you have no interest in her? If that’s the case then I misunderstood and asking her to hang is totally fine.

However, if you are romantically interested then you’d have to be willing to be vulnerable for a moment, and ask her out like an adult. You may not realize this and it may not be your intention, but saying “we should hang” absolutely sounds like you are safeguarding yourself. I’m sure that isn’t your intent, but you haven’t asked a woman out before for a reason and I think a big contributor (not the full thing) to that reason is fear of rejection. To which I’d say, your fear, concerns or whatever, will ultimately be to your detriment if you keep navigating like this.

For example, let’s say she agrees to hang. If I were in her shoes I’d just chop it up to a friendly outing. I’d also feel a bit blindsided if or when the guy tried turning the outing into a date. Regardless of how he set it up, or what he asked to do, I’m not going to put extras on that. Why? Because my personal experience, which you aren’t privy to just as you wouldn’t be privy to hers, tells me not to make assumptions.

[HollyK21]

I’m also not a fan of being misled at any capacity, I like knowing exactly what I’m walking into. I don’t wanna be asked to hang but in reality the guy is setting up a date, because what if I’m not romantically interested? It may be a level of disinterest in him, or other factors, like you’re a coworker or I just don’t want to prioritize a man to date in general, based on whatever is happening in my life. I’d rather have to full transparency beforehand so I can decide if that’s what I’d like to do. Not be blindsided into it.

[Asker]

Is that why at times she could be non committal because my intentions aren't clear?

[HollyK21]

Of course I can’t speak on how she’s feeling, but I could certainly see that being a contributing factor. Are you interested in her romantically and would like this to be a date? Or is this just a friendly hangout with zero interest behind it?

[Asker]

I'm interested in her. She might know it to

[Tomislav7]

he wants to spend time with her but i think isn't being as direct as saying date so went with out. I agree do not leave any ambiguity tell her exactly what you want her to know.

[HollyK21]

@tomoslav7 absolutely agree. Asker, you’ve already asked her to hang a few times, which in my opinion takes a decent amount of nerve and comfortability. So what’s stopping you from just straight up asking her on a date? You’re already anonymous, so I hope you wouldn’t mind providing an honest answer to this question.

[Asker]

It's less about rejection and more about not knowing how to do it. I also could be quite oblivious.

[HollyK21]

So what are your concerns when it comes to the “how”? Sorry I’m asking a lot of questions but I really feel like unpacking things, getting to the root, is how you find the answer.

[Asker]

I don't know what to say. I don't know much about her so I don't have a hook to see what she likes. I haven't shown much curiosity

[HollyK21]

Gotcha. In all honesty, getting to know her happens on the date, and it’ll give you a hook for suggesting a second date, should the first one go well. When it comes to the first date, just think of people on dating apps. They don’t know the person they’re matching with from a can of paint, but they suggest some sort of date that’s very generic, like a restaurant.

You seem to at least be comfortable enough to chat with her, so start with your normal conversation and then just throw in the actual question in place of where you’d ask if she wants to hang. So instead of the moment you feel comfortable saying “we should hang sometime”, instead just be like “I’d really like to take you out sometime if you’d be interested. No pressure if not, I’d just like to spend some time and get to know you better”. In my opinion, an approach like this is polite, low commitment and it makes your intentions clear.

If she declines, it’s totally fine. But if she agrees, keep steering the conversation, aka, it’s time to either shit or get off the pot. No more leaving it open to interpretation or suggestive — just make it happen. You could say something like: “Cool, what’s your schedule looking like for next weekend? I was thinking Saturday night at (insert place), maybe around 7?”. In my opinion, asking what her entire weekend looks like leaves room for suggesting plans either Friday or Sunday, but I’d only ask about those days if she isn’t free that Saturday, something like: “it’s all good, we could also do Friday night if you don’t have plans. Maybe even Sunday brunch, I know a place (even if you don’t, you could find it) that’s got some great food”.
This, in my opinion, is far from desperate and really just getting to the point. It leaves enough room for her to make suggestions, change things around, or to just plainly tell you she’s not interested. But if she is interested then trust me, she’s going to appreciate the engagement and the effort you’re putting in to make it happen.

[Asker]

I got it. Thanks for this. Does this still apply if I knew her for months and not just met? I thought once she sees you as a friend you're stuck there.

[HollyK21]

No problem at all. When it comes to the friendzone, I feel like unless it’s either explicitly stated then it’s best not to make assumptions. If you like her and she’s available, take a shot.

[Master_Debator]

Pretty much an open invitation with no force applied to make her do it. I want to pat you on the back because that's how I do it. I wasn't put on this earth to be a salesman, so I just drop the invitation and she can take it or pass.

If she doesn't think your serious, who cares... some other chick will take you serious.

[MrChinaski]

But... it's not even an invitation. 'We should hang' is a declaration.

This reminds me of the Korea Air plane that crashed into a mountain in heavy fog minutes after the navigator declared politely to the pilot: 'The weather radar has been very useful tonight'.

[Master_Debator]

@MrChinaski Well, when I say it, or if it was said to me... it's a fucking invitation. Don't know why you want to argue the semantics on that. Call it a declaration if you must... not my problem.

[NathanDavis]

if she does... it will be, because you're not being serious, you're being vague instead of genuine and assertive with it

if you say and mean it... then be more proactive than that, have initiative for real, and women usually prefer that

[Finchie40]

She will probably assume you just want to hang out as friends , so if you like this girl and want to be more than just friends , you are best to tell her what you mean by hanging out

[Asker]

If I bring up hanging out if she is non committal is it because she doesn't like me at all or I'm not clear?

[Finchie40]

Mainly because you aren’t clear , you have to remember most people aren’t mind readers , why you should give more detail to someone that you are interested in , , instead of just assuming they know what you mean. Without detail , you really have nothing to, it’s pretty much like you are taking a shot in the dark without knowing where it’s going to land. So my advice to you , you are best to give more detail to this girl if you like her and want to be more than just friends’ , otherwise you might blind side her if she does accept your hanging out offer assuming just as friends’. Most girls’ love a guy that is confident that tells her straight up his intentions of being with her. Most girls’ love a guy that takes lead and plans a date with the day and time and place he wants to take her to. Because girls’ like to prepare themselves before going on a date , it gives her time to figure out what she is going to dress in and how she is going to do her hair and make up , otherwise you are just going to have a girl show up in regular clothes thinking you are just hanging out as friends’ . And she might get turned off by that, if you plan on making a move on her instead of just hanging out as friends’ I am just giving ya some advice my man, that’s how you get yourself out of the friend zone lol

[ABitShattered]

In my experience, confidence is incredibly attractive to women. So if your intentions are to just hang out then make a plan to go do something. If you want to take her on a date, directly asking to go on a date is the way to go.

[Asker]

Will she ask to hang out or make plans?

[ABitShattered]

She might but putting in the effort to do so yourself is a good thing

[Asker]

Of course but isn't it better to wait to see if she does it because then you know she is interested?

[ABitShattered]

Not to me. At some point you have to be open and vulnerable about your intentions. Even if things don't go the way you planned, you still went and tried :)

[Tomislav7]

And thats all that matters, live & learn.

[queenofcardio]

Hanging out is not a date. Doesn't sound serious

[Asker]

Why does it have to be a date? What is wrong with hanging out?

[Nikki1989]

Why can't you ask her out like an adult?

[Tomislav7]

Send her a d pic and say guess ill work something out

[MrChinaski]

Don't do this ^^

[PolarPoint]

I would think that yeah

[Asker]

But why?

[PolarPoint]

A serious person shows interest in the other person. but what you’re doing isn’t any different from just saying ‘let’s hang ’ to your buddy.

[Asker]

I have to actually ask her out on a date

[PolarPoint]

make a lot of compliment to her women very like compliments <3

[OneViewpoint]

Correct. Give her a time and place.

[Asker]

If she was interested, would she meet me halfway on a we should hang?

[MrChinaski]

Yes. Grow a pair. Ask her out.

[Asker]

If she was interested, would she meet me halfway on a we should hang?

[MrChinaski]

If she was interested, she would find you curious and then go and marry someone else.

Women like being asked out. If done respectfully. Even if she doesn't want to go out with you, it's still flattering for someone to ask.

So Pros vs Cons of asking directly:
- Pros: She may say yes. If she says no, your uncertainty is resolved.
- Cons. Nil

[ProbablyClueless]

She will probably assume that you are not serious.

[Anonymous]

Yup. It’s a turn off

[Asker]

Why is it a turn off?

[Mike_Hum]

yes. why would you be so wishy washy?

[msc545]

Ask her. We have no idea what she thinks.

[cutieMommy]

Like ✔️ if older women r hot 🍆🥒🥖

[MrChinaski]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNRu2v2PhZI

[Anonymous]

I suppose it's possible.

[Tungi]

Probably