Do men ever hide romantic interest by insisting they’re not attracted?

[MissSunshine2]

I have a guy friend who I care about very much as a friend and I’m worried about losing his friendship. He made it clear that he wasn’t interested enough in me to date me, told me he’d gone camping with another woman he was seeing, said a few times that he’s not sexually attracted to me.

Like any logical person, I still care about him but more like a brother now and I’ve become set in that feeling; I honoured his lack of interest and set my sights on someone else that I liked more and moved on. Now he’s acting all sulky, since he was acting coy about an invitation to my house just as friends and I told him I’m no longer romantically interested in him. It’s like he’s upset and I don’t get it. Is it possible that he liked me but pretended not to? Do men and women do this sort of thing?

I told him that sleeping with someone else and saying repeatedly that he wasn’t attracted to me led to my moving on. I believed him, respected his choice and ended up seeing him as a brother. Just as any decent woman he was friends with would. I wasn’t playing games.

[Still-alive]

He could be one of the avoidant types where yeah genuine love and affection they feel makes them scared.

I dunno i don't see anything that indicates he's interested romantically... but maybe as a friend he misses your attention? I know i've felt that way with friends getting into new relationships and suddenly i don't see them much anymore.

[MissSunshine2]

So he might be just worried about losing my friendship if I start dating someone?

[Still-alive]

thats my guess. i mean he hasn't tried making any moves on you or something right?

[MissSunshine2]

In the past, he went back and forth between apparently trying to convince himself he was attracted to me when he wasn’t, because he wished he was, he said. He nearly kissed me one night when we were out and hugged each other good night. I turned my head away. When we went out for dinner, he was looking up at me from under his eyelashes once and gazed at me intensely in my eyes twice. I shrugged it off. The fact is he said he’s not sexually attracted to me, so I took his word for it.

[Still-alive]

how long ago was that?

i guess ultimately if your gut is saying he's attracted then maybe you might wanna cool it talking to him for awhile.

[MissSunshine2]

It was ages ago. More recently, he went camping and spent the night with another woman, about 4 weeks ago.

[Still-alive]

yeah ill just chalk this up as him missing your attention. if you wish maybe just kinda ask him 'hey you been acting a little weird around me lately. anything wrong?' or something like that. if you want to keep up the friendship that is. if you don't care much then don't bother.

[MissSunshine2]

Isn’t it logical that he’d have started being with me in that way a long time ago instead of sleeping with someone else if he’d truly been interested? No one takes over a year to decide.

[Still-alive]

yeah it is. he probably at least would have said something by now.

[MissSunshine2]

That’s what I think, too.

[MissSunshine2]

So I pointed that out to him.

[Still-alive]

and what did he say?

[MissSunshine2]

He read it but continued sulking and acting distant.

[Still-alive]

yeah i would just stop talking to him for awhile. let him come to you instead. you did all you can.

[MissSunshine2]

Okay, I’ll do that, thanks. What do you think is going on with him?

[Still-alive]

i mean maybe there's some feelings there but i wouldn't read into it much. You want someone who's more assertive and sure about their feeling for you not someone who just sulks in a corner. its unacceptable behavior to me even as a friend so thats why i say distance yourself. maybe sometime in the future he'll come to his senses.

[MissSunshine2]

If there were, then he should’ve pursued me when I was interested. Rather than going off and sleeping with someone else. The thing is, I’m not even angry or upset or being nasty. I’m just using logic.

[Still-alive]

yeah so like i said i wouldn't read into it much. let him be for now

[MissSunshine2]

Thanks, I definitely will. Anyway, he had a choice to make and he made the right choice for himself probably and I’m pretty sure if we’d gotten together, I’d have eventually gotten bored anyway.

[Still-alive]

personally i'd take his sulking as an indicator that you might have avoided potential toxicity being with him lol.

[MissSunshine2]

Well, I guess he had his heart set on a delicately pretty Asian woman and that’s what he got. Now we’ve still got our friendship and I like someone new too. I can’t tolerate sulking in a partner anyway.

[AngryCarl3]

Is this another autistic guy? Because autistic people do stuff that doesn't make any sense.

[AngryCarl3]

Thanks for MHO!

[MissSunshine2]

You’re welcome and yes he is mildly autistic, as am I, which is why I found it confusing.

[MissSunshine2]

Anyway, he said it’s not him that doesn’t want visit my house, it’s his girlfriend who doesn’t trust us to be alone together, because of her cultural values. I still find that bizarre. I’ve had many guy friends over and none of us have ever considered having sex. Not with each other. Not in a million years.

[Iron_Man]

He sounds like he's believable on what he’s saying to you because people wouldn’t really say that and then go to the other woman. I believe him even though I don’t know him. The reason he’s feeling bad is because he’s like the teacher’s pet and he wants the attention. Nothing more

[OneViewpoint]

Maybe he's not playing games with you either and trying to move on. Maybe he just doesn't want to hang our with you at your place or any place at all.

[AgentG111]

Absolutely, if the lady is involved with someone else.

[Paige2006]

Not always but sometimes!

[sage2021]

It could happen.