Guys, how would you feel if an old crush reached out years later?

[Anonymous]

So not an ex, more like a crush or someone you liked but couldn’t be with at the time. Eg maybe they had a partner or where relocating so…as a guy if you liked her previously how would you feel about her now reaching out

[Anonymous]

I'd let her reach out. I'd be cordial. I'd let her make effort etc. Then when i thought she was done I would say, "thanks but not interested".👍 it wouldn't matter what i felt about her. It didn't matter then to her so why would now be any different. Let's just call it square now.👍

[Asker]

Oh wow, so that’s because youd think she had rejected you first time around…. But say she already had a boyfriend then..:? I find your approach interesting cos it’s very similar to what I’ve experienced..

[Opinion Owner]

There's an old saying, "if she wanted to she would". Well she didn't. How is that not rejection? It's cool. I'm not angry. She's just a few decades too late, that's all. Pretty sure most women if you presented them with the same scenario they would respond as i would. And "what if she had a boyfriend" is irrelevant. Because she didn't. I wouldn't ask a woman out who was already dating someone.

[Asker]

Yeah ok really appreciate your perspective. Makes sense. Yeah in this case the girl did have a boyfriend at the time, in fact the guy, girl and her boyfriend all worked together and then on the last day (the guy sent her a confessional email saying he liked her).. she was 21 and he was 24 and he was relocating to another city. So anyway, yep she reached out later and he was friendly, a bit surprised but ultimately said life was hard and complicated back then and said he hope she was doing well x and that was it… no questions asked… but the hard and complicated I mean what?

[Opinion Owner]

So he knew she was dating someone else. Because that's foul. And why would he do that if he was relocating anyways. I get young people do stupid stuff. But why put that out there.

[Asker]

Yeah I know right., so what do you make of it? She was 21 had a boyfriend, there was chemistry with the guy but she didn’t go there cos of the boyfriend.. so now years later why did he confess knowing that.. what was the hard and complicated? Just trying to understand it from guys post of view…

[Opinion Owner]

What of what i know of most guys? Or what i know of me?😆 like i said i wouldn't have done that. It's possible he had a genuine crush on you. But it's a even higher probability he had fond memories of you and he just hit ia point in his life where he has no prospects. Don't take that as an insult. As i said he probably had fond memories of you. But guys tend to in those quiet moments go back and remember past relationships, what if, and near misses.

Sorry i still can't get passed the fact that he sent you that message while you were already dating somebody. I still say that's foul.

[Asker]

Yeah I know it’s a bit surreal. Ah right yeah so he sent that message to her back then confessing and she reached out to him recently (several years later) she isn’t with the boyfriend anymore and anyway, she told him she did have feelings for him back then but had the boyfriend so couldn’t/wouldn’t go there and now he replied with …’aww so nice to hear from you, life was so hard and complicated back then and I hope you are going well x’and that’s it…but nothing else.. how are you etc? So trying to understand years later from guys perspective.. I get it things changed.. but still, do you think he felt rejected?

[Opinion Owner]

If he did he's an idiot. Any woman that is in a relationship and doesn't reject you is trash.
I suppose he could have been young enough and naive enough to believe love conquers all. Like real youg me might have been stupid enough to believe even though a woman was with abother guys she secretly carried a torch for me. But that's nonsensical hollywood garbage that happens in movies.
Ya get what i'm saying?
I'd say the odds are infinitely higher that he new he was leaving and wasn't going to see you again so he had nothing to lose by leaving that metaphorical burning bag of 💩 on your porch.

[Asker]

Yeah true, it was like wtf, dumping his feelings on her and nothing she could do about it

[Anonymous]

All but one of them I'd probably not care. Crush doesn't accurately describe her. She should know how ecstatic I'd be if she did that, but I certain that we don't have the average relationship.

[Asker]

By not care do you mean if they reached out you would reply or not? I mean so this guy confesses to me that he had feelings via work email before relocating to another city at work and I had a boyfriend (he knew that) so nothing happened. Then several years I reach out (no boyfriend now) and he replies with aww so nice to hear from you, life seemed so hard and complicated back then. I hope you are well x. Like that’s it? No how are you etc., like nothing at all. Why would a guy be like that

[Opinion Owner]

I would be cordial but not have much interest in all of them but that one girl. She has driven me crazy, maybe by purpose. I've been inexplicably ghosted before, so I know how harmful and confusing it can be in certain situations. I wouldn't even do it to the person who did it to me.

[Asker]

And do you think the ones you didn’t have much interest in now are they ones you weren’t that interested in initially or you were at the time back then? Would you ghost them or send a polite but short reply? I’m just wondering if a guy is indifferent would he just send a quick reply to bio it in the bud or ghost? Were you ghosted the girl you like or no?

[Opinion Owner]

My interest for other girls pale in comparison to that specific girl (L). I'd probably send them a quick message, as that girl did ghost. However, I unintentionally put her in a tumultuous situation, so I understand her lack of response.

[Nikki1989]

Not a problem. I am not so insecure to hold grudges with people I once knew.

[Asker]

Yeah I find the guys responses quite interesting, like taking it to mean they felt rejected initially even if the circumstances were complicated..

[slatyb]

Surprised. I can only think of one person who might do that.

[Asker]

And how do you reckon you’d react to her?

[slatyb]

I would tell her I'm married now. Then I would suggest that she try playing bridge. She's extremely bright and very competitive, it would suit her.

[In_Trance]

That sounds like a disaster

[Asker]

lol too funny

[NathanDavis]

that would be stupendous

[Asker]

Oh really, why exactly?

[NathanDavis]

there's been two people at least, that I met in the past... and they were great, amazing to meet and to get to know, so going by that alone... it could be great to get to know them again

people who are great... usually remain great after the years, lol

[Asker]

Ah right, nice one! Yep so you would welcome it?

[NathanDavis]

yes, of course... always nice to reconnect with old acquaintances or friends

[Stevepro68]

No worries it's happened

[Asker]

You mean like it wouldn’t be an issue.. but from the responses do you think some would feel rejected initially and therefore not entertain the idea?

[Danny_dan92]

I would hang up the phone

[Asker]

Haha, but why?

[Danny_dan92]

Because I said so

[Asker]

but why? Cos you felt rejected at the time or something… ?

[Danny_dan92]

No. Cos it makes me happy

[Pterodon]

I’d say hi I’m taken goodbye

[Asker]

Ha, really. Is that cos you just wouldn’t want to know or why?

[Pterodon]

Would cause too much trouble or cause stress on girlfriend. My way eliminates all this before it can even start

[Mariogirl09]

O shit lol

[Asker]

Haha, is it bad?

[Mariogirl09]

I don't know cause I just did this lol

[Asker]

Oh haha, what did he say?

[Mariogirl09]

Nothing direct😂😂😭😭😭

[Asker]

Oh no 😜