Should I committ suicide? I'm 23, almost 24, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, almost no friends

[Anonymous]

I've been depressed about this for ages but it does not seem to be getting any better, I don't have many close friends, I've always had difficulty making new friends, and obviously that makes it even more difficult if you want to date and be in a relationship, get a girlfriend, because the social-norm, status quo in our society and culture, and obviously the vast majority of girls will never start talking to a guy first, will never initiate a conversation or flirting, make the first move, etc. So that is why I've never had a girlfriend, I've asked girls out before, made the first move only to be rejected. Having Asperger Syndrome makes you socially-awkward naturally, clumsy, it's not a matter of fear, it's that I don't know how!, I feel like I'm a hermit, introvert, well in a way I am, for normal people social-skills seem to be instinct, common-sense for them, like they were born with them, but for me it is not, it feels like it is something you either have it or you don't.

Updates

+1 y

C'mon, we people as in humans, we are social-creatures, we instinctively want, crave companionship, Asperger Syndrome is a mild form of Autism, it's not that I am Anti-Social, it's that I often run out of things to talk about, I wish I was more social but people just won't seem to accept me for who I am, c'mon, I don't believe it is healthy to life an entire life with no friends at all, or just not real friends, I just never fitted in with the people who are involved in the party-scene.

Updates

+1 y

I basically have more acquaintences than I do friends, it feels like I have one-sided friendships with people so I'm not sure if I have to consider them true friends or not, as in I always have to call or text them first, they are never the first ones to call or text me first, I have to initiate everything, the only time they call or text me back is if they are returning a call/text, they are never the ones to initiate it first, I don't want to have my first girlfriend at a late age.

[Anonymous]

When in doubt, don't.

there is nothing anyone on here will say that will make you feel anything but a temporary moment of bliss. It's your body and your mind, and if you ask me (which you technically are) you should make this type of decision after you have talked to professionals.

I'm dating a 26 year old virgin, I don't care. It's not like he flaunted "HI IM A VIRGIN" when we first date, or when we first met, or even when we first fooled around. Hell, my ex LIED and said he wasn't a virgin and then accidentally told me later on that I was his first and it wasn't a big deal.

You're the only one who cares about your virginity. You're using it as a crutch and treating it like a freaking terminal illness.

But it is YOUR body. You do whatever you want with it. But this isn't something you can change or make up for, not to mention the amount of pain and financial burden you will put your family and friends in. it sometimes costs thousands to bury someone and deal with all of their debts.

Professionals you could turn to:

A therapist

A psychologist

a dating coach

a physician

a doctor

[Asker]

a 26 year old virgin guy?

[Opinion Owner]

yep.

[Asker]

wow, I wonder how he scored a chance with you

[Opinion Owner]

lol its really not a big deal. he's sweet, funny, witty, and I would be stupid to ever turn him down :)

[Asker]

yeah I thought girls were hard-wired, programmed, instinctively do not want too innocent guys

[Opinion Owner]

lol f*** nature, we're not simple animals :P I like his innocence, I get to corrupt him haha

[Asker]

did you make it easy on him for him to make the first move on you?

[Opinion Owner]

i made the first move on him technically, but yeah I guess I did. idk, I just really liked him.

we go to the same law school and he's just always so sweet and nice to people, I really liked that he got along with everyone and he was the kind of guy you could talk to without getting hit on lol. he was refreshing :)

[Asker]

so you started the first conversation between you two? nice to know, wish more girls were like you, for me having Asperger's, it's that I don't know how instead of being scared, there is a difference you know

[Opinion Owner]

Well there are plenty of reasons why its more difficult for someone, I guess its a matter of luck. I wouldn't gone out of my way if I wasn't sure if he was nice and friendly.

[Asker]

man I don't know what to do

[Opinion Owner]

Just take your time, nothing is going to change if you just sit and think for a few days :P so take a few days to just think. ask someone about your problem. I don't know anything about AS, but doctors do, even some speech therapists and coaches do. Be fair to yourself and find a way to make things better, don't try-- do. sounds cheesy, but its true.

[Asker]

seriously, why do people always say there is someone out there for everybody? I don't buy it!

[Opinion Owner]

Well, I didn't say that. I don't believe in soul mates. I do think that people who like each other will stay together for very long times, some until death, but not because they are soul mates, it's because they love each other.

[Asker]

whats the point of living if I'm never going to get a girlfriend?

[Opinion Owner]

Dying certainly won't get you one either :P

[Asker]

seriously, I hate how it is okay for girls to validate themselves through a relationship but it is not okay for guys

[Opinion Owner]

from what I understand, its not okay from anyone...? maybe I just come from a very strong line of people, but relationships are supposed to add to your life and help you move to a place in life with someone-- not to validate your insecurities or worth.

When women look to men to "validate" themselves, they often end up having sex (to validate their hotness) and are called sluts and whores.

I think relationships are important, but not for validation.

[Asker]

yeah but it hurts guys more than girls, I simply don't know how to approach girls the right way

[Opinion Owner]

like I said, you might not know how but I'm sure there is someone who could teach you how to at least say hello.

[Asker]

basic small talk is okay, like a simple Hi how are you doing is easy, but keeping the conversation alive is difficult

[Opinion Owner]

well that's a lot more than some guys can do :) so I think if you talked to the right people, you could learn so much about keeping it going!

[Asker]

yeah, asking and talking about simple stuff, like do you go to school, what are you studying, where do you work at, hobbies, interests, stuff like that, simple stuff, but then it gets more complicated

[ananyme]

of course you shouldn't but I'm notgonna give you a list of reasons why you shouldn't cause you'd prob just think that I cannot imagine how painful your life is for you and how difficut it can be to keep some hope and positive attitude.

i don't know anyone with that syndrom, still some of my relatives have gone, and are still going into a very rough and dressive path.

so if you feel like it, you can IM me or friend me so that you have someone to talk to (at least virtually). I was quite introverted myself, but I fought my natural tendancy to stay quiet.

anyway itsup to you ! but id really like to help you, maybe it will also help me getting better the people I care about and that I hardly have been able to help so far.

[Asker]

yeah but it's far different for a guy than it is for a girl

[ananyme]

i know, but being listenned to is just as nice no matter what gender you are.

plus I didn't have any real disease so you really could relate to me that much

[Asker]

yeah well I'm tired of being a loner

[jesstacia]

I don't understand why you lost hope so early. Sure you got rejected over and over but you're still so very young! It's better to get rejected at first and accepted eventually, than to be accepted immediately. Rejection makes you stronger, (well at least it should) and humbler in a sense. Those that rejected you immediately aren't worth your time anyway so why mourn over those people. Look for ones that would accept you for who you are. They might be hard to find but you eventually will even if it may not seem like it. But you're young. You've got time.

[Asker]

yeah well I don't know why I am being rejected

[jesstacia]

maybe you're aiming too high. Or aiming at the wrong people. Aim at nice girls instead. They're usually much sweeter. If you take showers, are of a healthy weight and have a decent personality, I see no reason why they should reject you.

[Asker]

well obviously if a guy has been rejected a lot, it is something he is doing, and I don't know, this is not something that is easy to find out

[jesstacia]

What you're doing is asking the wrong girls out. are you average looking?

[Asker]

i know I could be approaching them the wrong way, but I'm always just being myself, not trying to act like or be someone else

[jesstacia]

as I said approach nice girls. :) If your personality is great you'll do fine. How do you approach them? Give some examples please?

[Asker]

I say Hi how's it going, I never use pick-up lines, just "Hi, Hello, How are you Doing?" talk about the weather, sports, this movie that came out, how was your weekend and what did you do

[Asker]

i guess that is not good enough

[jesstacia]

Don't look desperate. And say it to women you actually know. If you don't know them, you should introduce yourself first.

[Asker]

how do you not be desperate?

[jesstacia]

Talk and act like as though they're your friend, not potential wife. Don't be worried. There's plenty of fish in the sea so talk normally. If they don't react as you expected, no biggie.

[Asker]

24 is still old

[krtek]

It's not something to be proud of, but I'm almost in the same position as you minus the suicidal thoughts and a job. And I just turned 29. 24 is really not that bad. I haven't been diagnosed with Asperger's, but I certainly have the signs. I should PM you shortly.

[krtek]

Okay, I can't PM an anonymous user. You PM me if you'd like to talk.

[Asker]

so I take it you are still single at your age? as in always have been?

[krtek]

Always been. My experience in the matter is mostly a list of stuff that doesn't work. I'm semi-anonymous here but I still prefer PM's. You should be able to send messages now.

[Uglyfatass]

I feel the same way at times, not just being single but having no social life in general. Good luck.

[Asker]

seriously, it's not fair, why is it that in order for a girl to be girlfriend material it just has to be her looks, but for us guys it has to be more than that

[Uglyfatass]

Because society has made the women in the world brainwashed. They need to realize this isn't the 1950's, women are always complaining they have no rights. Well I got one instead of bitching and complaining, about guys not asking You out, Open your mouths if you can yell you can ask.

[Asker]

yeah pisses me off

[Anonymous]

If you keep dwelling on what's WRONG in your life, your showing people that you let the bad stuff rule your life. Think positively, and people will look at you and think " maybe she is a good friend (or girlfriend) if she is THAT positive in life". Also, for your 'run out of things to say' problem, you should join a club or some activity and that could be your main talk about topic, and you could gain some more friends! If there is nothing you really want to join, create your own activity! See what other people like the same things as you!

Try new things! Before you start thinking about suicide ever again!

[Asker]

well I'm currently not in school, aren't clubs only for schools?

[Opinion Owner]

no, they don't have to be, they could be for jobs or just in general. Many people are looking something fun to do too, especially since your out of school, and so are many other people, they are looking for something to fill free time.

[Asker]

how would I create my own activity?

[moviedude714]

i have thought about suicide before too but watching this scene from this movie makes me not want to give up:

https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=_Z5OookwOoY

[systemsuck]

Thanks man, I actually need this, for a whole different reason, but I needed it. Thanks.

[SkinnyG]

Love it!

[Asker]

yeah but he was a normal guy

[InquisitiveJoe]

If you are seriously considering suicide then you need to speak with a psychologist or a priest/pastor. The majority of people on this site are in their 20s and 30s and are not trained to give professional advice on such a serious topic (although I fear some will attempt to do so). You may also call your local hospital and they can direct your call to a clinical hot line. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

My friends rarely calls or text me, I mean like once every three months, so their probably more like associates. But I don't let that bring me down. I focus my attention elsewhere, school, religion, my hobbies. And their is no law that says you have to have a girlfriend at an early age. I thought not having a girlfriend at 15 was weird, when I was that age, then when I was 18 and then 20, but it's just society. Now their are even 12 year olds that have 20 girlfriends before their 16, but we know those are just meaning less relationships. That's not how it should be either. You don't have to follow the way society is, many things are already messed up in it anyway. The clear way of how things should be are not just right their in front you have decide for yourself what's right or wrong.

[Opinion Owner]

sorry I meant to say acquaintences

[Anonymous]

I didn't have a girlfriend or get sex till I was 21, it's not that bad. Their are many other things to focus on in life, many other things to live for. And I talk to almost no one most of the time, I have like 2 friends that I hang with very rarely. Their are a lot of people like that. You just have to be patient I mean your only 23, you have a lot of time ahead of you to find a girl. Try moving your attention to other things.

[Asker]

yeah well I'm older

[TheGirlByTheSea]

No, no one should ever take their on life sweetie. Don't give up on yourself besides you are still young. don't give up.

[Asker]

why?

[TheGirlByTheSea]

Well, I believe that suicide is only a permanent solution to temporary problems. I, just like you, have never been on a date and have too been rejected many times. I have thought about ending my own life too but, I decided not to. I'm not giving up on finding someone ,I'm going to try my best. I don't have aspergers syndrome but, I can tell you this don't let that hold you back. Some of the most intelligent, successful people in the world have it . There is somebody out there who will like you.

[Asker]

how do you know? how is that accurate that there is someone out there for everyone?

[TheGirlByTheSea]

I believe it is because there are 6 billion people in the world . I think if you really want to truly find someone you will. Maybe I am wrong I guess, never mind... It was stupid of me to say that.

[Asker]

yeah you can't say everyone

[TimB -1-2-3]

So... How would killing yourself solve all those girlfriend/sex/friends issues, exactly?

[Asker]

it wouldn't but since I'm tired of being unable to solve them, I just give up

[TimB -1-2-3]

Have you done some serious research and work on it at all? I've got another person on this site who's willing to work with me on this sh*t.. wanna join in?

Also, the Hobbit's coming out on 13 December.. I'd say wait until then at least ;)

[Asker]

the way it would solve it would be to end all the pain

[lolli]

Start an Asperger's Syndrome support group. Then you may meet a chick that has that in common with you and you two will understand each other then get to the hot lovely relations...

[Asker]

i've gone to Asperger Syndrome support groups, they are all the same, haven't clicked with anyone

[Moloch]

If you wanna kill yourself, at least do it with honor. Join the Army and save someone's life with your own.

[PAKMANN29]

No I was in your exact position a few years ago. Things will turn out fine hang in there don't worry.

[shadowdemon567]

I dont know how old this post is but here goes what do you enjoy doing? Whats your favourite music etc? I have what you have and i know excatly what your going through i hate public places where there's lots of people it gets pretty intense for me..

[thisislifebaby]

Grow up, that is one of the most pathetic reasons to commit suicide I have heard if you really were going to do it you wouldn't be asking about it on this bloody site. Stop trying to make friends in the wrong places and go get some mental help,

[Asker]

yeah well I'm sick and tired of not being accepted, I'm tired of being rejected over and over, and I don't know where are the right places to make friends, I don't know!

[starryeyedsugar]

You say this because you have never been in this stop before, maybe you should be the person to grow up and give a crap about someones feelings, maybe that's the reason why you are single hun. People can look for help where-ever they please.

[thisislifebaby]

starryeyedsugar I have been in a place where I wanted to end my life and someone told me to grow up and get over myself, and look I'm alive and happy. I do care about other people's feelings usually too much and think about it people go through absolute hell in their lives and they don't kill them selves and in comparison killing your over not having close friends and a girlfriend seems a bit dim. I can say what I want it's not up to me if its followed and this question was asked on an internet

[thisislifebaby]

forum what kind of responses did you expect on this question? What does being single matter? Can you please grow up and not judge me by one answer on one question. As for making friends anonymous have you tried making friends with the more quite and reserved people rather than the loud party type?

[starryeyedsugar]

Honestly after someone said that to you, you did not become alive and happy. Pure bullsh*t. This actually matters to him, maybe not to you but this person as a different thought then you. So who should grow up is you for not respecting someones thoughts.

[thisislifebaby]

Not pure bullsh*t it made me open my eyes and pull my self together. Look it's not like I'm telling him to go jump of a cliff sure I was probably a bit too harsh but I'm not going to patronizingly tell him not to kill himself because if he really wanted to do it, it wouldn't matter what anyone thought about it.

[Asker]

well I'm tired of the pain

[Asker]

why is it pathetic? I'm missing out on my best years

[Anonymous]

Youre too young to die. You haven't experienced nothing! Wait a couple years...

[Asker]

i'll be old by then

[Anonymous]

no, of course you shouldn't commit suicide

that's not all life's about, and also you'll find plently of people that will like you because there are in fact plently of people like you- depressed or not

but you shouldn't end your life.

[Asker]

life is not all about that? so then it's okay to live the life of a hermit, complete loner?

[irykiryk]

ImmortalMatt.

[FazalDin]

Wrong. I haven't been on in over a week. And I'm not a virgin anymore : p Although it wasn't a very great experience :( I wish id waited for the right girl.

[Asker]

lucky you