Fit-shaming... It's a thing!

[Flex4Ever]

I've seen a few myTakes lately about skinny and fat-shaming (which often comes from fit people or people who are the opposite of what they shame) and thought that I would enlighten you all on fit-shaming.... Becaue it exists, believe it or not....

A lot of people who don't train in either one way or another are most typically the ones to do it.
One thing they might say is: "I would never want to look like that," which is kinda counterproductive, because to me they indirectly say "I would never have the will or determination to look like that."
(Of course some people actually don't want to "look like that," but you get where I'm going :))
The obvious, quick and simple come-back would be: "Don't worry, you never will." Now this is, of course, not about bringing each other down. But trying to insult and shame something that might mean the world to someone, you better be prepared for a come-back. And who knows, that exact comment might get the person thinking and realize something.

Now, and this to me is the most important point, the ones who fit-shame often don't think about why an individual actually trains (whether it be running, bodybuilding, martial arts etc.)
The physical aspect of it is the least (even though it might not seem like that). This is a mental sport, a mind-game, it's a never-ending competition with yourself, always striving to be better than the last workout.
"The last reps is when you see who people really are." - this is your mind.
You get stronger in the gym, not only physically, but also mentally.

We might get called vain, shallow, self-centered, narcissistic, but stop for a second and think.... We might use the gym or any other physical activity, as an escape from hardship or from our past, somewhere to let out frustration and aggression.

The picture below is as precise as it gets.

To finish off; I'm not saying that everyone should look like a greek god or goddess, but people who fit-shame shouldn't try to justify their own self-destructive and unhealthy way of living by trying to put people who are fitter than them, down. (The latest example of that, being the praising of the "dad-bod.")

Neither should people who are fit, shame the skinny or fat people.
Let's stop all of this shaming and lift each other up (I'm not saying that we should justify obesity and praise those who are, for being "who they are," and "not being afraid to show themselves," because I still think that it's a naive and ignorant way of living. And as much as I think that, as much are you allowed to think otherwise, so let me know in the comments what YOU think:)).
Instead help, inspire and motivate each other.

Peace!

[Anonymous]

Many people think that shame is automatically a bad or negative feeling. I think feeling shame or guilt just means you have a healthy conscience. Though, like everything else, it gets worrisome if one feels shame excessively, as that may be a symptom of OCD/Scrupulosity. Many people also do not like the feeling of being told that their lifestyle is unhealthy or wrong, but I think that type of thinking can really go overboard and will make an individual think that there is nothing wrong with himself and all he has to do is to appreciate or love his way of living, even though his way of living may lead to physical problems in the future, which can further lead to emotional and financial problems.

I think more people should take a middle-of-the-road approach. They shouldn't just bar out any criticisms. They should listen to criticisms, no matter how insulting they are, and think reasonable conclusions. Am I really fat? What is my BMI level? What is my LDL level? How much do I exercise? Thinking honest questions about yourself can make you think more realistically about the situation and change for the better.

[Opinion Owner]

I prefer to ride my bicycle out in the open road for about one hour a day, seven days a week, every morning, including Sunday morning. Though, during the winter seasons, I just exercise indoors. I recently tried weightlifting, and it was hard! I'm going to do it again and see if I can lose 10 pounds.

[Flex4Ever]

I agree, it should be about balance, not letting it control you. Even though the gym or an elite sport is what you're doing, there should still be time for other things.
And the best of luck to you on the 10lbs :)

[Opinion Owner]

I am actually 15 pounds over my ideal weight, according to my BMI, and my LDL level is high. So yeah... I am near obesity. I have always been on the chubby side. Last year, I think I was 180 pounds, and then I rode my bicycle around the neighborhood, losing 10 pounds. Then, I maintained 170 pounds for some time before finally gaining pounds again. *sigh* If I can just maintain an ideal weight of 150-160 pounds, then I'd be happy.

In the United States, where there are so many choices in almost everything, it's hard making the right choices and quite easy in indulging in luxuries, like sushi or ice cream or lean muscle meat. Back when my parents were going up in a developing country, the types of foods that typical Americans ear would be considered luxuries.

[Opinion Owner]

Excuse the typos. Going = growing. Ear = eat.

[Flex4Ever]

Well, tbh you can eat whatever you want, what determines whether you gain, lose or maintain weight is the amount of food you eat. Check out the IIFYM-principle on google if you want to know more about that approach.
And I mean a few extra pounds is not too big of a deal, you can still be healthy at that weight.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, I tend to eat almost everything too much. The only foods in the world that I cannot eat are garlic, ginger, and cooked onions. I like most foods, and I tend to eat everything on my plate.

[ConsultantIsBack]

This is one reason I'm totally anti-Fat Acceptance movement. In some instances, it's become anti-Fitness. smh..

When I started making personal health a priority, EVERYTHING. and I mean, EVERYTHING in my life improved. My sleep schedule, my energy, my attention to detail at work, how deep I cared for those that I love, my outlook on myself and life holistically.

I urge EVERYONE to make personal health a priority because to me, it's the only way to live your life, I can't imagine otherwise.

[songbirdkittymeow]

I really like what you shared and how you expressed your point of view. I think in today's society, the squeaky wheels get the oil. So those that are loud and obnoxious, whether it be fat shaming, fit shaming, or just anything; it's those voices people pay attention to and become offended by. There are plenty of people out there, that don't shame others and don't share those opinions.
I will admit, it's difficult to not get frustrated or hung-up by all the squeaky wheels out there that like to stir the pot! We get defensive because on the surface, we fall into a category, but there are underlying circumstances that others don't know about. I for one, get worked-up when people judge me for my exterior (or if I THINK I'm being judged) because I know my value as a person, which has less to do with what I look like, and more to do with who I am and how I treat others. I also struggle with weight issues. I'm overweight, but don't necessarily look it; I'm very attractive, or so I've been told. But my struggle is, because I was in gymnastics in my youth for 10 years, and an Irish dancer for 8 years; both of which I had to quit due to injuries, my body is used to a very high level of athleticism from early on. When you are not able to be at that level as an adult, your body is so used to the high performance, that keeping weight off is difficult. I have to kill myself at the gym usually to see any results, and most of the time, a new health problem stands in my way and throws me off course. It's life but the struggle is real.

Anyways... I do think shaming exists on both ends of the spectrum. And, it's difficult to not get offended, either, when people lack understanding for people that aren't in their shoes. I'm guilty of judging others too. I'm human and am not perfect. I just try with all my heart, to not open my mouth about things or people that I really don't know, because I know that deep down, I don't have their full story, and with that same regard, they don't know me, either. We should all practice a bit of humility.
Thanks for sharing your post. :)

[Flex4Ever]

And thanks for sharing this great comment :) great with some insight!

[cankles]

For me, it's the ones that have the "Holier than Thou" attitudes... the ones above reproach. "Their way is the ONLY WAY" kind of people. This doesn't apply to only fit people; You can add church people, diet fanatics, non-smokers, vegans, PETA supporters, Dems/Reps, or any other sanctimonious group, here. It isn't to say that all people who are enthusiastic about the things they do for self-satisfaction are assholes; It's the ones who constantly use it as a tool to measure and judge the value of themselves against others. I get the same warm, fuzzy feeling when a gym lunk measures me up with a two second glance as I do when I see a Jehovah's witness standing on my porch through my peephole.

OTOH, I have fit friends, religious friends, and political friends who mind their business, and we get along fine. That's called RESPECT.

As a former fat girl who is still not fit enough to be what the My Take Owner would probably consider socially acceptable, I will tell you from personal experience that fat shaming is far, FAR more cruel and rampant than "fit shaming" ever will be. No fat person that has ever been shamed by a fit person has ever felt that they were being attacked out of envy, or jealousy. Fat shaming is bullying... "Fit shaming" is bullsh*t. So excuse me if I don't buy into this pity party nonsense. Do not enough people worship you for having six-pack abs that you have to appeal the very group of people you've probably offended to feel SORRY for you, now?

The person who spends time contributing to the betterment of others, as opposed to the betterment of only himself, gets my respect every time. A guy who puts in the same hours with Habitat for Humanity, for instance (which helps lower income families... another group that is persecuted for being "lazy" and "non-motivated"), is more respectable to me than someone who has spent the same amount of time in the gym on his body. You say it's not selfish, but it is. Anything you do for yourself that doesn't benefit others is selfish. I'm being selfish when I go to the gym. Maybe contributing to the well--being and betterment of people you secretly believe you are better than will give you a sense of satisfaction that you will never find in a gym, and give you compassion for others in a way you think you have now, but probably don't.

You sound like a nice guy who recognizes a perception problem that you want to change. I would like that, too. But Fit Shaming... it isn't a "thing". It's a reaction.

[Flex4Ever]

I'm not talking about being socially accepted and never have I said anything about it. I'm not saying that some people are worth more or are better than others. I agree that fat-shaming is more common and should be taken more serious than fit-shaming (because let's be real, we know who's having the worst time), but I've never tried being fat so I don't know how it is to get those types of comments... In my early teens I was super skinny though and I got sick and tired of being called skinny and get comments like "you should eat more" "I'm starting to worry about you" but I did something instead of whining about it and blaming it on everyone and everything else which is what a lot of obese people do.
I'm sorry that you feel that this MyTake is supposed to make people feel sorry for me or any other "fit" people out there, because this is just my humble contribution to the whole shaming-thing that's going on and trying to explain that it also happens "on the other side of the fence"

[Flex4Ever]

And I just think that it should STOP. But there's something called reality and in this world there are jerks, idiots, douches, people who probably has very low self-esteem who lets it out on others and that just so happens to be fat people. I would give anything in the world to change that, but I can't so people will keep doing it, that's just humans. I'm not saying "expect" but "be prepared" because people like that are out there and either one accepts being fat, don't let those comments hurt and be happy with oneself or do something about it because as much as I hate it, it's inevitable in this world.
And yes it is selfish, but so is going to work and sleeping and eating, we all do that for ourself. But it's how you use it. I could go to the gym and not give a shit about others, call fat people fat and skinny people skinny, but I won't because I'm not like that, if I could help and motivate maybe even inspire someone with how I look physically, that'd be awesome and I'd gladly help!

[Flex4Ever]

But where does shaming differ from a reaction? Is calling a fat person fat a reaction or is it shaming? It's a fact. If you call a fit person fit, is it a reaction or shaming? It's a fact.
I don't care about what society thinks about fat, skinny or fit. I care about what I think about it. And this never really had anything to do with looks, it has to do with YOU, your MIND, your mentality towards being healthy. If I see a fat person I instantly think "no self-control, ignorant way of living, unhealthy, uses loads of money on unhealthy foods," call that judgmental idc, but it's often the truth whether you like it or not. I'm aware of people having problems and they solve them their own way, some drink, some eat, some go to the gym (which is without questioning the best) and I just won't accept that me dealing with my problems MY way, the healthy way, has to listen to; "have some fun - eat a burger for once - you have no life - gym isn't everything" etc. etc. etc. because in some cases..

[Flex4Ever]

the latter is the truth.

[Flex4Ever]

the latter is. (gym is everything for some people, because they don't have anything else)

[LuckyLittleLucy]

I get it, but I see the other side too.
Social media fills peoples phones etc. with others who are fitter, skinnier and 'better' than they are. People with before and after photos... And when they show the before, they look like you now. Then they say "I hated the way I looked!"... So it makes you feel kinda bad for being the way you are...
However, just because people want to be fit, they shouldn't be put down for it!
I personally wouldn't want to have a six pack etc. Why? Because I know I wouldn't want to maintain it, because I like to put my energy into other things and it would disappoint me to reach that point and then lose it because other commitments take priority...
I think honestly it comes from the few gym bunnies who are the preachers. It's a very small minority, but they tell everyone how unfit they are and how the gym is the only worthwhile thing in the world... The basically don't respect other people's (different) priorities.
But that's a small number and otherwise people should be proud of being fit!

[tesscb]

I totally agree, and I always get so riled up when people fit shame others or do any kind of shaming at all. I believe that everyone should do what makes them happy, so I don't understand why there's a need to hate on groups of people. I grew up as a pre professional ballet dancer, and therefore could not afford to eat junk food as often as my friends or go to parties and drink. I got shamed for a lot of that, but ballet was my escape from all the chaos in my life. Now that I am in college after deciding to not move on to a professional company, I am at the gym all the time and am always looking for ways to try new things. It has been hard to understand the gym atmosphere since it is so different from just having 30 hours a week of dancing. I have so much respect for those who go to the gym or other things because it takes a lot of time and effort. But, one thing that I have started to observe as I have been going to the gym is how everyone is "in the zone". Like everyone is on their own little fitness journey, I think its so cool.

[Anonymous]

I like how you first say let's stop all this shaming and lift each other up. And then begin talking about obesity, it's bad, ignorant and naive way of living. Only obesity? Being obsessed about being thin/skinny and glorifying midel thin bodies is also naive and igmorant way of living. Eating steroids and being in the gym 8 hours every day is also naive and ignorant way of living. Why is is only just obesity? Yeah it isn't healthy but neither is being super skinny or taking pills to get more muscular.

[Flex4Ever]

It was the first thing that came to mind and also it is the most common type of shaming (fat-shaming) and it was simply to try and give it more meaning. But the things that I wrote about obesity I also think applys to the two that you mention (excessively skinny people and steroid abusers) so I don't disagree with you. Maybe I was just a little too fast on that one.

[RJGraveyTrain]

I would have to agree that this really is a thing. I think that people shame others for a multitude of reasons, but at the core of all of those reasons is a lack of understanding. I think people's perception becomes warped by stereotypes, assumptions, and so forth. They don't have the drive to try and open their minds up to the idea that not everything is as black and white as they think. It's sad, but it's an unfortunate reality that I certainly hope will change one day. With people creating discussion about it (like yourself) I hope to see it eradicated.

[VictorCroftczech]

I have to agree that it's a thing. When it comes to a fit guy, their manhood is usually called into question. He lifts because he's overcompensating is the most common one I hear. For girls, I hear guys or even other girls saying that a muscular female is unattractive and looks awkward. That's shaming plain and simple. People workout for a variety of reasons. Maybe they were bullied and wanted to fight back, maybe they were unattractive and insecure so they wanted to make a change, maybe they just fucking enjoy the feeling of busting their ass and seeing results. In any case, you're right on the money saying that some people fit-shame because of their insecurities and that they lack the motivation to put in the work.

[RainbowFanGirl]

People shame for all types of reasons. People will shame you for being too skinny, or too fat, or even too fit like you put it. I think shaming people for what they look like on the outside is wrong. Instead of putting these people down, we should be bringing these people up, and bring out the best in them. Or if they are unhealthy, we should encourage them to try to get healthy. Shaming comes in all forms. Good job.

[Flex4Ever]

Thanks for this! exactly what I was going for :)

[RainbowFanGirl]

You're welcome. :)

[Heyyakk]

I get shamed every day for being skinny (104 lbs)

They don't even understand that I'm sick and taking medication. That I can't run or lift because my joints are weak.

I wish so badly that I could gain some weight, eat whatever I want, and look/feel healthy.

But some if us aren't blessed with good health.

[Flex4Ever]

You can't eat because of your medication? I'm sorry hear about your condition, that's why I think we shouldn't shame because we don't know what's behind ones physique.

[Flex4Ever]

I'm sorry to hear*

[IUdude]

Never heard of this. I just started working out with a trainer, and am starting to see some changes. I think anybody who said something nasty to me would just be cause they're jealous douches. Also, the fact that they noticed would be an ego boost to me and just help me keep at it. How can being in shape with some obvious muscles be anything but sick for us dudes?

[Flex4Ever]

There are jealous people out there. If/when it happens to you, you'll know, just laugh it off.
Some girls will probably do it too (I've tried that) but to each their own I guess.

[9mfeo]

I don't find people whose only hobby is going to the gym interesting. I don't want to hear about your special diet, or how much you lift. That's literally so boring.

Talk to me about politics or literature or something that I can actually relate to because I don't give a shit about your gains.

[Flex4Ever]

That's you, but hey that's the great thing about us humans, we can be so different. See, I'd rather talk to someone about anatomy and biology, what foods they eat and why, how their workout schedule is set-up and why, but I ALSO like politics and litterature, maybe not as much as you but oh well.

[9mfeo]

I just passed out for a second while reading that out of sheer boredom.

[Flex4Ever]

Well, that's you not me :)

[ManaX]

I'm into the gym and lifting, I speak of my own diet and nutrition when asked and give advice again when asked. I find politics and literature pretty boring but if someone speaks passionately about it with good sources and is unbiased I find it's worth listening to.

[9mfeo]

@ManaX have you ever met anyone who does crossfit? Literally the only thing they can talk about. Might as well be talking to a wall.

[ManaX]

I haven't, my gym doesn't really attract those type of people although, I know they've created quite a reputation for themselves. I'm part of the 'serious' gym members most of our members are like that. On the side there's those that have no idea what they are doing, a few dolled up women and the those guys who like to make lots of noise when they drop weights.

[Scrambledagain]

I do gym religiously and have such a strict diet that I don't even know how to cook good food. But I find the gym topic boring too and only see it as a disciplined tactic to keep me in shape (for reasons that actually don't mean shit). I even train other people because they ask me to. But it's not exactly a passion of mine.

[ccp16]

I admit I do this myself. But I know this is because I like to eat what I want to eat and do what I want to do when I want to do it. I just so happen to see gym time as more work- and the fit people I know tend to obsessive over it (from my standards) to a point where I would never want to date a girl who was very fit because that is not the life style I want, or in my partner.

The problem with any kind of shaming is taking your values and placing them on others, I don't value being fit so I avoid those who do. Though I have never said anything to anyone face or on the internet, I just passively avoid gym/fit people- even girls who show interest in me.

[Octavius]

I go to the gym and lift weights. I legitimately mean it though when I say I don't want to look like a body builder. I want to have some muscle and be toned but I work on having an athletic build. I don't want to be bulky because to me it just looks awkward but I don't condemn those that do. We just have different interests. Some people think that those that workout frequently are stupid or boring and only talk about the gym or their diet. I go to the gym around 4 times a week sometimes more sometimes less. But I take my education even more seriously than I do working out. And I never talk about the gym or my diet. I also find people that constantly talk about the gym boring but not everyone that works out only talks about the gym or people like me never bring it up.

[Flex4Ever]

Yep, it's about balance. There ARE other things in life than gym and meal-plans (but to some, it is literally the only thing they have).
It's not so much the physical aspect (I should've been clearer on that, because a lot have mentioned it) but simply being aware of ones own health and not just do nothing. One can have like 10-15lbs more than their "ideal" weight but they can still be healthy.

[love2run13]

Great post-I run a lot and my butt is muscular but doesn't have much extra fat so some guys have called it "flat" and complain I don't have an "hourglass figure" and say I'm square or something cuz im tighter and thinner from running. Like, dude, I'll kick your overweight chick's ass at a 5 mile race, bet she can't hit the gym every day so to each his own :p

[ManaX]

I find that my diet is so strict/clean that people actually push their guilt upon me to change it knowing what they eat is not that healthy.
I don't need to be told to 'let myself go sometimes' or 'that a few cookies won't make a difference' or flat out that i'm too healthy. I eat what I want to eat and train as hard as I want to train I find it fun.

[AnOrdinaryGirl45]

This was nice to read and a bit of change from 'praise obesity because obese people are not afraid of their bodies' (I agree with you on how it's unhealthy and shouldn't be justified but obese people shouldn't be shamed either).

I get skinny shamed by my family, especially my parents after I lost weight. My Dad keeps telling how it's scary he can see my collar bones and how the bones in my wrists are 'trying to come out'. I can't say anything to them but it's really annoying.

[AbbyKay]

i admire peopel who go to the gym! im sorry youve experienced this :( if it helps i get skinny shamed quite a bit but im not even technically underweight!! my BMI is in the lower healthy weight zone but people still tell me that i need to eat more and remark on how weak i look. i kinda want to start working out so i won't look so "fragile" when the people who actually know me know that isn't true!

[Flex4Ever]

I'm sorry to hear that. All kinds of shaming or putting down should just... go away.
Good to hear about the working out, it'll make a world of difference :)

[AbbyKay]

true that! Putting one group of people down to bring another up is just counterproductive

[tony72722]

Yes... So true. I'm 214 lbs standing at 5"11 with low body fat. I get faggots who try to stereotype me to bring me down to their level. I just love it when I'm walking in public and their girlfriend looks at me.. then the boyfriend holds their girlfriends hand tighter. It's quite the ego boost.

[Joshua2332]

Lmao same. I went from 135 at 5'11 to 185 around 9% body fat in two years and I've yet to get a compliment from a girl. All guys who are LOL I'm bigger than you or I bet my dick is bigger than you bro. Weight lifting is the most homosexual activity in the world.

[Anonymous]

If I really wanted to have a very muscular body, I would have the determination to train for it. I am an incredibly passionate, driven person who has lost a lot of weight and I do work on perfecting my figure. I am still working on it now. However, I don't want to look like the female body builders therefore I do not do what they do. HOWEVER, I don't shame them... I think what they do is seriously awesome, because it takes so much dedication and hard work to get the bodies that they have. People who shame them... well, they can get fudged :) But then again, everyone likes different things.

[Flex4Ever]

Exactly! And as I said, not everyone has/want to look those super tuned fitness models, but as long as one is concsious about their health and do something about it if it gets out of hand, that's awesome. And it sounds like you did! So good job :)

[Anonymous]

Funny thing. When I think about "too fit" people (because I guess you don't mean toned regular people?), I don't think 'I don't wanna look like that'.
I mostly think 'I don't want someone who looks like that'. Which is a bit different than what you're saying.

Either way, what's the purpose of shaming someone we actually think looks good?
Bottom line, they probably don't look that good to us. A matter of perspective.

[Flex4Ever]

I get what you're saying, but I mean the lifestyle as a whole. As I wrote in another comment "we pick a salad over a burger or choose to go to the gym or go for a run instead of watching a tv-show on the couch" some might think that WE think that we're better than others because of that and that's where a lot of people are wrong, they misinterpret what we're doing. And that's where the shaming comes in "What kind of a life is that - waste of time - they don't have fun - eat some real food" just to justify their own lazy way of living.