Doctors seem to think a scale of one to ten smiley faces gives them a good idea of your pain. Rest assured no matter what number you tell them they will subtract five. I firmly believe Doctors only have two real categories of pain The Whiners and The Dead. Not that I blame them for that. As humans we are wired to overstate our pain. And if they work in a "chain" Hospital, they hear the same things over and over. Ultimately becoming numb to the system set up to stream line their job. Then again it is our pain and to describe it to others not afflicted by it is always hard to do.
Since I'm not dead, I'm in the same boat as the rest of you. For about twenty years I have been in and out of Doctors Offices for my own pain. When I was Twenty Four I was told I had Chronic Back Pain. I remember I was very happy at the time that there was a name to it finally. I was dismissed from care with exercises to do to lessen the pain. Can't Help You, Get The Fuck Out!
Since then I've seen primary care Doctors, Physical Therapists, Specialists, Psychologists (I hoped once that it was part mental.), New Age Practitioners, Massage Therapists, Chiropractors and back to Normal Doctors again. Why go to all these different types of so called "Healers," you may ask. I mean I knew what was wrong even if they didn't. No matter what you suffer from you can't help but hope the next quack will have an answer. Unfortunately their little smart phone app is about as useful as Web-MD. (And since when can they use cell phones but I have to shut mine off!)
It's the same operation from Hospital to Hospital. You call to make the appointment and tell them why you need to see the Doctor "make sure you arrive 15-20 minutes early to fill out the forms." When you arrive you fill out the forms in 5 minutes adding that extra time to your wait. I've clocked all the Hospitals I've been to and you have an average wait of at least 20 minutes before a Nurse calls you back. "Take your shoes and jacket off then step on the scale. Hold still while I get your temp. Okay, follow me back to the office."
When you get to the Doctor's "Office," really just a smaller waiting room, the Nurse takes your blood pressure and asks you the reason for your visit. Somehow between the appointment call and your arrival the reason you're there seems to evaporate into thin air. So you explain again to the Nurse the situation. She enters everything into the computer and says, "Okay, the Doctor will be in shortly."
This is where the true wait begins. You hear the Nurses laughing and talking outside the door, hoping it's not about you. Maybe you start looking at the walls, reading everything on the posters of skeletons and the human without skin. Still no Doctor, look at the clock (Fuck! It's only been 5 minutes.) Time to look in all the drawers and cabinets... snag a few tongue depressors cause hey you never know right.
TWENTY MORE MINUTES LATER! Knock, Knock... "How are you doing today?" Could be better, Doc! "Alright let me just skim this chart... No, no I don't like this font. What seems to be the issue today?" My Back hurts, My Back hurts, My Back hurts, MY BACK FUCKING HURTS FOR THE ONE HUNDREDTH TIME! Christ, Don't you people talk to each other! "How long has it been hurting?" It's Chronic, Doc. "Alright, let me set you up with a Physical Therapist." Makes my back weaker, Doc. "Okay, Have you seen a specialist?" Yes, many many times to no avail. "What are you looking for then?"
It's at this point where I almost choke on my anger. I want you to do your fucking job! If I come in here and waste the HOUR just to see you for FIVE minutes that costs me $120 bucks it means the PAIN is too much for me to deal with on my own. "Okay, well I'm not the kind of Doctor who just gives out Vicodin but I'll give you some muscle relaxers to help for now." Which only help for about 15% of the pain. "Just keep Icing it, continue stretching, if it gets worse come back and see me."
Right... let's just book that right now! Honestly next time I'm gonna just see my Dealer because even with that risk he's still half the price of your Fucktardedness!!
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