I'm embarrassed and frustrated with my fat sister?

[Anonymous]

I know this sounds bad, and I am ashamed of being embarrassed of my own sister. I just can't help my feelings. Obviously I never tell her. She must weigh at least 280lb and she's very short. I'm worried about her health, but the thing that most annoys me is her attitude! She's like totally deluded about her fatness! She can say things like "i don't understand why i can't find clothes, and i'm not even that fat"...

Sometimes I'd like to say to her face that she's at least 150 pounds overweight, that's how fat she is! I know this sounds mean, and I'd never do that, but I'm so frustrated. She puts cream in her coffee (cream, not milk!), eats McDonalds and unhealthy things everyday... when we hanged out one day in the city she ate TWO tubes of pringles for snack!!

I feel really helpless and I know she has lots of issues because of her obesity, but she just refuses to take an action. I know she suffers from her weight but she's not trying that hard. I know dieting isn't that easy but you could do something small at least, like have more veggies and put milk instead of cream in your coffee, etc... Am I totally alone with my feelings? Terrible person?

[xHoneyxBeex]

I don't think this makes you a "terrible" person. I can understand where you're coming from. It's frustrating when people won't take responsibility for their own health and instead just complain about it to other people. I know that would annoy me. But, you can't really force her to eat healthy and exercise, if she wants to change, she'll have to do it herself. I do think that you can talk to her though.

Don't approach her aggressively because then she'll likely just get defensive. Simply explain to her that you are concerned for her and her health. That you feel she needs to make some healthier lifestyle choices and work to lose some weight so she will be healthier. Of course, explain to her that she won't be alone in this, you will be there to support her, etc. However, if she chooses not to change her ways, then there's nothing you can really do.

[Asker]

Thanks! That was some good advice there :) I guess I should try to bring the subject up...

[xHoneyxBeex]

No problem! Yeah just try to talk to her in a loving, caring way and hopefully she'll understand :)

[Anonymous]

I see it everyday and I don't get it either like the the heck is wrong with these people.. Can't find clothes breaking chairs I mean my gosh and they think it's too hard to lose but the thing is just go for one pound a week to lose I mean hello that's 52 pounds for the year.. It's just there lazy

[MaskofInsanity]

You want her to be healthy which is understandable, but if she doesn't want to change, it won't happen.

You could just talk to her. Its awkward and maybe even rude, but if it comes from a place of genuine concern then maybe its worth it.

[Asker]

Okay, thanks :) I'll try that

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You aren't alone, but you have to realize that old serenity prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

You cannot change her. You can change your attitude towards her. If you've come to her with love and explain your worry to her (In other words say "I'm really worried about your health, I want you around me for a long time" vs. "You're fat as hell, bitch!") and you've said your peace, she's got to be the one to take the steps to make herself healthy. You cannot do it for her.

If you want to help, you call her up and invite her to go on walks with you. Invite her for dinner and cook a healthy meal.

[Asker]

Thanks, I guess you're right, I can't change her. I just don't understand her. I've tried to ask her to go on walks with me or walk my dog, she always comes up with an excuse. I also try to cook for her, saying I can't afford restaurant meals bc I'm a student, but she refuses and wants to go to a restaurant saying she will pay for my meal, too. She doesn't really want to anything but deep-fried junk, sugar, red meat, etc...

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Does she have depression issues? I would say to her the next time she suggests a fatty restaurant say "I'm really trying to maintain my weight and eat healthy, so I'll have to pass on the restaurant" Maybe she'll notice the loss of your company.

[Asker]

Yes she has depression issues! That's a good idea. I usually only have a salad if we go to a fatty restaurant because everything else is so unhealthy (I mean sometimes I eat pizza and burgers, too, I just try to be supportive and encourage her to choose healthier meals) but she never wants one. I tried to ask her try a new salad bar with me but she said she doesn't get full of a salad so it's waste of money to go...

[Mesonfielde]

Wow, that's pretty extreme. 280 lbs, BMI of 55... and still being in denial.

Tell her that you've found this interesting documentary called "Fed Up" and that she should watch it with you, and see what happens. It's about the effects of sugar, and obesity.

[Asker]

Yeah. She's totally in denial. One day she talked about her plus-sized friend (I know her, too), and was wondering how can she find so nice clothes though she is so large but she (my sister) has trouble. And this plus-size friend is probably 50 pounds lighter and taller than my sister, so maybe that's why it's easier to find clothes... but it sure sounded like she thinks she's not as big as that friend of hers, but i don't know if someone can be so deluded about his/her size? I'll check up that documentary, thanks

[Mesonfielde]

Well sometimes it's tough to face the facts. I've never had a case of delusion this severe, though.

[Bandit74]

Damn, two cans of Pringles for a snack. I've eaten one can before but two is rediculous. You should steal her Pringles, that way she has to chase you and as a result exercise. Honestly you need to give her some tough love. Would you rather let her die from heart disease or hurt her feelings and maybe save her life.

[Asker]

Hahaha, that's funny. I know, I'm really worried she'll end up dying young or something. SHe has cholesterol problems and difficulties to move, etc... she looks very unhealthy and the worst part is, she is "apple-shaped" so most of her overweight is in the middle section which is even more dangerous for health. I just don't know what to do. She thinks I'm boring when I eat salads and exercise... obviously that's not all I do, I eat treats and unhealthy stuff occasionally but I keep a balance - and maintain a normal weight.

[coaxmetal]

Why do you feel ashamed, though? It's a strange word to use in that context. Do you feel as if your social image is somehow reflected upon her obesity?

[Asker]

Well, mainly I'm concerned about her health, and annoyed by her attitude, but yeah I'm embarrassed of her. I don't want to be seen with her because she wears too small clothes and can't keep up with other people, etc. I know it's terrible and I feel bad about feeling this way, but I don't know what to do to change it?

[zombiebabe]

why not tell her to consult a nutritionist.. maybe if she hears it from another person its gonna be more easier for her to realize her weight issues

[Asker]

She tells me how doctors tell her to lose weight every time she sees them, and she's depressed, too. She blames the depression medication of her weight but she was already fat in the beginning, maybe she has gained 20 pounds after it's not the ultimate cause in my opinion. Her BMI is like 54-55, so she is morbidly obese! She just doesn't realize it.

[zombiebabe]

just tell her the truth and bring her in front of a mirror.. it might be unpleasant but that's what you need to do

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to her. She is essentially killing herself.

[Asker]

I know, I hate watching what she does to herself

[tOi_sOldier]

Give her poison in Fat cheese burger