Okay a tough q here: how to support a friend with anorexia?

[Anonymous]

Just today one of my close girl friends went for a blood test and I am pretty sure the doctors diagnosed her with anorexia - as we were speaking about her earlier today and my other friend let me know why she was so quiet. Anyway this friend with anorexia I know has struggled with depression before. She never really puts our advice into action so sometimes I get frustrated that all our friends try to help her with other past problems and she just seemed to go on doing her own thing and complaining again when nothing changed. BUT obviously this is now a much more serious condition and I need to now how I can really properly help her snap out of her enchantment and come to terms with what is happening around her and the fact that yes we all understand that it is a dreadfully difficult and complex thing to even start to recover from. I won't pretend to understand what is going on in her head and what has made her feel so depreciative of her body image. She recently lost her v to her boyfriend so i thought thats good she trusts him with her body and surely makes her feel comfortable but i realise that this problem is on a much more personal level. I feel bad for thinking that she has wound up here because it is a call for attention as she has a reputation for that kind of behaviour. But i am putting those thoughts to the side. I already have experience with my auntie who is also anorexic and has been fluctuating for years now. I do appreciate you can't just tell them to eat take medication get better. this is why I just want to know how best I can support her and keep her in high spirits as it is our last year in school. I don't know if her boyfriend is helping her much but yeah. thank you if you got this far reading

Updates

+1 y

She went to get a blood test done as well as a check up I now realise they didn't make a diagnosis of her physical condition from her blood exactly. I was just stating that that's why the problem arose more seriously - I think after the doctors got to check up in her again after a while.

[Azara]

You don't get diagnosed with anorexia from a blood test. If she's deficient in something that can be corrected. If she feeks fat that'd most of North America so it's unlikely to go away.

The thing she should concentrate on is things she can accomplish herself. Passions goals that she lived fir. Not being too thin or bfs or things she can't control healthily.

People can fall into patterns easily when there's nothing to loft them up out of it that's why having something to live for is important and feeling in control is very important that's why she should gave a goal she xan succeed in not just wishful thinking.

Anorexia is amongst other du surfers that involve ICD. Repetitious patterns obsessive thoughts. Likely if she stops obsessing over Her weight she'll obsess over something ekse. So basically her saving grace is to use her powers fir good find what she wants to do with her life and I sess iver that.

Patterns are worst when someone feeks out of control and most mild when they feel in control. She should only keep positive oeopke in her life and avoid drama and not let other oeople define who she is.

You should realize over 50% of the population is on ir gas been on some kind of duet and is dissatisfied with their body. Her trade gy ud not wanting to fe thin that'd most Americans... It's not being able to control her actions. Letting fear dominate etc.

You can not give someine a feeling of control they gave to earn it themsekves. As a friend you can support her by being a fruend adding color to her life being someine she can trust and not making her feel like a freak. The more you put someine in a box the harder it is for their brain to see them in any other light. it can create a loop that If she'd git medical problems those should be addressed and fixed but it's very damaging to label someone with something just Bc you gave a hunch. labeling is crippling.

So be supportive as a friend and let the Drs dr.

[Azara]

And as far as not being able to understand her mind... That'd not Bc she's so deeply messed up. She wouldn't understand your mind either. We're all unique we all have our own deamons and you can't firce someine to break free.

Medical complications can be corrected but she has to have the will hersekf to address her own ghosts. It can't be forced.

[Asker]

Right sure I am not labelling her we have been friends for over 7 years I feel I have the right to know what her certain behaviours indicate. And no I don't think she has been put into that category by anyone she's just very unhealthy and underweight at the moment and we just fear it will get to the point when the doctors will say yes we have to treat you as an anorexia patient. So I have to help her think about her life goals and focus hard in that rather than at present. This will be challenging. I just don't feel like I'm a good friend if I can't help her but I get that this is complex. Thanks. :)

[Asker]

But surely I can influence her will. I am afraid some individuals are not strong enough to guide their own thoughts in a positive direction and to be selfish in a positive way

[Azara]

No you can't guide her will. If it turns out she needs to be hospitalized she'll be hospitalized and there will oeopke there to talk to her.

You can be there fir her but you can't firce her. Scaring people doesn't work. They either ignore you ir just stay scared all the time when there isn't even anything wrong.

Most people diagnosed wuth anorexia are a lot heavier than most models who walk around with careers making a lot of money. Most likely she's not going to die of inination she's just going to have a long battle if obsessive thoughts.

Anyhow she's under a Drs supervision so it's not your job to be her dr. Be her friend. You will destroy your friendship if you cross that line. I've had friends with problems where it's tempting to just try to hit them with reality but it doesn't work that way. People have to get theur themsekves. Scaring her won't help her it will just lose her trust. Sge likely will have a lot of oeopke telling her what to do your job is to

[Azara]

A safe place she can go to.

You can't firce someines will. It diesnt wirk and even if it did what good died it do ultimately you're not sitting in her shoulder. If she can't want to be heakthy and decude to fe heakthy of Her iwn volition then she'll gave no where to turn when she has to rely on herself.

You're not a therapist if you want to fe a therapist go fet training. Be her friend. That's my opinion. The decision is yours. But people in that situation usyally appreciate a fruend and if you feel more like the shock squad she's going to feel alienated and you will likely lose her until kater notice.

[Anonymous]

I know what your friend is going through. I've been through it to. All I can tell you is that you NEED to step in & do something, ANYTHING. It's all in her head. You won't be able to fix the mental part, no one can. But present more healthy ways to lose weight. & definetly take action. I didn't want to accept it, it may take some time. But stand by her. I didn't have many friends while going through it myself, but with my friends now, they keep me grounded. they watch me eat. they know. it helps to limiter her & to let her know you know. don't let her get away with it. Do something.

[jacquesvol]

Listen, listen, explain how dangerous it is. Many patients die of it. French-Italian model Isabelle Caro:

3.bp.blogspot.com/.../...%2BBefore%2BAnorexia4.jpg

newsroom.mtv.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/01.jpg

Explain how dangerous it is and explain it again. and again and again.
If she doesn't listen she HAS to be hospitalized to save her life.

[Asker]

Yeah I wonder whether her parents are going to get her to hospital for a while. I don't think she is that far gone yet but definitely on the brink but yes. Do you think she would get annoyed or upset (or pretend to be) if I kept bombarding her saying how dangerous it is? I have told her previously how bad it made everyone around my auntie feel and that it affects family and friends badly too but it's like she doesn't even register or care sometimes. I feel harsh saying so but it's the truth.

[jacquesvol]

I started my online career about 10 years ago by listening for hours and hours to a Swiss anorexic girl near Basel. I met her on another site then. That one survived.(well , a few years ago we had sa contact once a year)