How do I stop caring about what people think?

[RainbowFanGirl]

Everyone tells me that I have to stop caring about what they think but... how do I do this? It's not an easy thing for me to do. I always get upset when someone says something negative to or about me. I just can't get over it like a normal person... Things like these hurt. I have no confidence as it is. I just don't know what to do. Can somebody help me?

[Jay-Are]

When I was your age I had the same thing. It bothered me so much. Then I learned a few things to put everything into perspective

There is a reason why it hurts so much. It hurts because we all filter out all the positive things that people say but not the bad stuff. Sadly we do this the other way around.

People use negative stuff to control you. Example. I am a professional DJ. Lot's of times other DJ's will say “You're good but…….”. They act like they are miles above me. Truth is that they can't keep that same crowd on the dancefloor and when I play everybody is the dancefloor. Why do they say that? Because they want my job, want to hire me for their own parties for cheap, etc. It's a control/power thing.

I leaned that none of the things people say really don't matter that much. If two people would meet you today. One meets you early in the morning when you just had bad news, hurt your toe after getting out of bed, when you overslept and because of it you are very cranky. That person would probably not like you that much. Then another person meets you later today when you can laugh about everything that happened and are now in a really good mood. That person would day “What a sweet girl”. Two different opinions about the same person but both don't mean that much because they see just that little part of you. The only person that really knows you is you. So just make sure you like yourself. And when people say stuff try and learn from it but don't let their opinion of you become your reality. Because they don't know you well enough. You wanna test that out. Ask around. People will probably say you are a very confident person. And you will probably say the same about other people who really are not confident. That's what people said about me when I had NO confidence.

There is also a thing in our society where it is allowed to talk yourself down but when you talk good about yourself it's suddenly considered cocky or arrogant. Personally I have no use for that. I just choose to see what both my good and and my bad points are. I try to make the bad stuff good and the good stuff better.

With all that said you have a choice of how you feel. Will you let other people decide how you feel about yourself or will you decide for yourself how you feel about yourself.

[Nuqood]

What sorts of things bother you? I could give you a bunch of tips about goal setting, experience, etc. but all that would be worthless if what's said to you isn't effected by things like insecurity over lack of success/body image issues/whatever else.

[Nuqood]

if what bothers you*

[RainbowFanGirl]

Me? Oh, just insecure.

[ButterScotchPrincess]

I think it's easier said then done. Personally my self esteem is through the roof, so I really don't care what anyone says or thinks. Saying that, I think you have to work on your self esteem and confidence before you can just "not care". And no one can help you work on your self esteem, that's completely internal. You have to know you're the shit. People telling you that you are isn't going to help you, it's all about you. So look in the mirror and find something you love about yourself, then for every external thing you find, name a inside characteristic too. Keep going until the good out weighs the bad, and you'll notice you don't care over time

[peachblossomluck]

I know this sucks and is really hard but what really matters is how YOU feel about yourself. Find ways to build your own self esteem and stay on a positive realistic goal directed path. When you're doing your own thing, it's easier not to care. People who troll on the webz and talk smack in real life have to be real losers to take the time to drum up negativity on others like that. Success/Living well is the best revenge. I like to think karma will hit those douchebags like an oncoming train anyway♡

[GirlsLie]

You just have to realize that if someone is saying something mean to you then they're probably a fcked up person to begin with. It doesn't make them better than you and it doesn't make what they say about you true.

You should'n't value the opinion of people who aren't worth your time and god knows lots of people have opinions that aren't worth a second thought most of the time lol.

Work on your ability to get over things more, once you start doing it, you will have the confidence to know you can move on from anything.

It doesn't mean you're not a normal person just because things like this bother you, it sucks when people are mean, especially for no reason.

[fondue]

Just tell yourself that the other person is a complete moron. They're unimportant and inferior to you and they can say whatever they want and think whatever they want because they literally do not matter. It's hard to put into words. When you really don't care about someone, you just really don't care. There are no words, you just... don't care. Lol. Over the internet though, lmao, nothing anyone says matters unless you let it.

[talias288]

Seems like you're feeling dissatisfied with yourself, or else the comments wouldn't sting so much. For me it meant losing 20 lbs and learning how to use mascara. For you it might be something different.

What do you hate about yourself?

Find it. Fix it.

[TripleAce]

Look at it this way

When you get upset over things like this, its a direct transfer of you're positive energy to them and you take in their negative energy. Try to not take in there's and try to keep your positive energy.

If you can do that, the anger won't even come because you'll be thinkning about how you do want to lose your good energy and take in their bad energy that moment.

On a side note: mediation helps a lot too. As it helps you control your mind and body. After some time you'll be able to control yourself rather than your mind controlling you.

[PeachSunset]

I have the same exact problem. When I find myself caring too much and wanting to go into a warm, comfy shell I just say "Ok, well who the fuck cares, i'm me, and it would be more embarrassing to get super self conscious instead of being myself and not giving a shit." Since the world revolves around ourselves we tend to think people care about us and are always paying attention to us and judging us, I mean some people do, but its not nearly as bad as you think. No one is that important.

[Hans222]

You need to try to get an attitude like "I'm just nicely myself"... so hearing people speak about what may be a weak point of you, and just "not caring" because you're fine with every aspect of yourself. Positive or negative and no matter if you agree with your opinion or not :D
It will also give you a proud feeling like "listen guys, I'm me and take it or leave it!".

[pervertedjester]

I've always found that when people lash out at you verbally they're actually speaking of themselves. If they call me too fat, too skinny or something else I just reply with "I'm sorry You feel that way" and walk away. Imagine they're putting themselves instead of you.

[peachblossomluck]

This is pretty true☆

[chrisbigman]

Just tell yourself that everyone is entitled to their opinion, even if they're wrong. If they want to be wrong, then that's their business and not mine. Nobody can please everyone. Believe me, I've tried. I've given up. If people want to be stupid, then let them. That's their choice.

[d3adn1nja]

I live with depression and other bull. People don't like me and talk crap about me. My response? Zero fvk given :)

It's pretty easy to not give a rats ass about others opinions. Just assume there jealous and don't exist.

[Tdieseler]

Toss up your middle finger to everything. and always speak your mind regardless of whose feelings might get hurt. cuz if you lie to protect em and they find out... they will turn on you and They will hurt YOU. Always think of you first.

[meatballs21]

You don’t know them, you’ll never see them again, they are meaningless to you.

[AzureGirl]

It's pretty hard to do. I just try to let things go in one ear and out the other or try to make light of what the person says so it's not as bad.

[tony72722]

You start lifting and acquiring aesthetics. Once you do that life = ez mode

@consultantisback

[ConsultantIsBack]

10/10 truth
Strong everything

[RainbowFanGirl]

No, I need actual advice.

[tony72722]

Master your craft. What are you good at? Once you have confidence in yourself you tend to stop giving a fck what people think about you. For example. My gloots.. every day in the locker room during HS all the football players would call me poverty gloots and it really got to me. After high school I went to the gym to start training my gloots. Just fcking look at me now.. These gloots of gods as I like to call them.

[RainbowFanGirl]

I already go to the gym everyday basically. :p People still say stuff about me which hurts.

[ClariceOwen23]

Is it just the people close to you or even strangers?

[RainbowFanGirl]

Everyone...

[ClariceOwen23]

Well did you think about why other people's opinions matter to you? People are just gonna be rude and that's not something you can change.

[Krillanr]

Don't think about what they may or may not be thinking about.

Focus on the issues at hand, settle them, relax.

[ConsultantIsBack]

Become above average in things in life, make goals and reach them :)

[CheerGirl38139]

Are we talking real life or InterWebz here?

[RainbowFanGirl]

Just both actually.

[CheerGirl38139]

Ok well ill give this a shot.

First, Internet. Realize that people on line have it easy sitting behind a smart phone or computer to insult others without any REAL consequences. They're most often trolls with an over inflated sense of self worth. Th eyes have absolutely ZERO effect on you in real life. I had to learn that assholes come and go on the Internet, but there will always be some. Ignore is your best defense. It just take practice to force yourself but you CAN do it, and learn to just let it go. They aren't REAL people. You are.

IRL, I had to learn to let go of people I "hated" but this also applies to you. Just know that when you give these jerks the time of your thoughts, you are handing your own power of mind over to them. They're winning. When you learn to give them ZERO thought, they eventually move on to someone else that they can bully or manipulate.

Don't give these people the privilege of being on your mind. They don't deserve it.

Hope that helps ☺

[RainbowFanGirl]

It did a little. Thank you. :)

[CheerGirl38139]

It takes dedication and practice, but it works I promise. Just remember you own your own power of thought. It's yours and yours alone. Whenever these people pop in your head, consciously tell yourself NO... I'm not giving that jerk any of MY time.