What if I ate the coffee?

[Anonymous]

So this may come off as unbelievably random but it's not. See I am flat broke and as it turns out I didn't quite get enough food.

The situation is that it's Wednesday now and I haven't eaten since Sunday, I'm out of food, and kinda starving and starting to feel the effects of having not eaten anything. I am pretty much down to a giant assfuck bag of coffee beans behind me as I type this. I'm getting a little desperate seeing as I have to wait until Friday before I have money. So now I am contemplating eating the coffee beans.

This prompts what I regard as a hilariously random thought, and question that comes of it. What do you think will happen if I ate my coffee?

Feel free to share your theories, and if you have any cold hard science you can throw my way that will answer my question that would be awesome too. Try to nutshell it and then elaborate.

Most appreciated.

Updates

+1 y

Incidentally no I'm not kidding. I wish I were.

Updates

+1 y

Wow, OK, I figured out my food problem so you folks can stop worrying. Though I must say I am really toughed by how many people send a PM or IM offering to send me money or food. It's really touching.

Updates

+1 y

So yeah I have food for now and I think I may be able to find something for tonight, as well and ration it until Friday when I get paid. Don't worry. Feel free to chime in with theories for what eating straight coffee does to an empty stomach though.

Updates

+1 y

OK folks, again. I have food for now, and it's not like me running out is a regular problem for me. Calm down folks. Not that I don't appreciate the offers, but you folks can now stop trying to send me money, and can stop telling me where to get food.

[Beckat]

You would be hyper for a while, depending on how you react to caffeine. If you eat too much, you could vomit. It's not like coffee beans are toxic to eat, but eating a large amount of them straight is likely not the best idea. Also I don't think there is much nutrition, but I'm not sure about the nutritional value of coffee beans. Not something I've ever felt was important information. I'm sure there is some website that has a better answer, so google or yahoo it is my best advice in this situation. I'm not a coffee drinker and all the coffee drinkers I know are likely asleep at this hour.

[Asker]

I'm special lol.

[Beckat]

I do believe you are.

[Simple-Simonette]

I hate it when people go hungry.

I know chocolate covered coffee beans are sold to be consumed, so I don't think that eating coffee would be detrimental to your health. But it's not going to fill you up and the results of having that much caffeine will more than likely burn more calories and make you hungrier. You can try to keep your stomach full be drinking a lot of water.

Seriously, there isn't anyone you can borrow a dollar or two from to get yourself a double cheeseburger or something?

[Asker]

Lol cheeseburger. sounds like a good idea. I might try that.

[WeaponZero]

Caffeine is a stimulant, which accelerates your metabolism (albeit only temporarily). This translates to your body more quickly burning through what nutrients it does have stored. In short, it accelerates the starvation process, so it would have made you even worse off in the end.

Under normal circumstances your body should have enough nutrients stored up to survive for at least a couple of weeks as long as you keep drinking your water.

[mike5150]

I don't know if they have one in your town but in my town we have food pantry at the local church where you can pick up a free box of food every month. They usualy give you food like Bannanas, Mac and Chesse, Kellogs Cerial, and juice boxes lol.

[Asker]

We have something similar here, it's every 2 weeks. Either way it wouldn't have helped me last night. But thanks for trying. Anyway I'm good. I've eaten now I was just crazy hungry 10 hours ago. don't worry. I'm ok.

So what are you theories of what might have happened to me if I ate the coffee beans on an empty stomach?

[AileenDarling]

I work with kids who have special needs, one of the children eats mulch every time the workers take him out. It turns out that it can't hurt him at all. Therefore most of the time we just let him chew on it. Don't judge it because the reason why he does it is because of the sensations.

I got sidetracked from the question I'd say coffee beans would be pretty safe. Just drinking flavored water can give you a boost so I'd say eat the beans. Odd answer but I do in fact think you should go for it!

[AnarchyBytchcraft]

Its funny the crazy things special needs people will eat/touch etc for the sensory effects. I too work with special needs people, but mostly adults. :)

[AnarchyBytchcraft]

I will overnight you some food! Being italian we feel we need to feed anyone who's hungry. if you lived near me, I would totally invite you over! This makes me sad :(

[Anonymous]

yea slam that bad boy down with a cup of p*ss and your good!

[Opinion Owner]

Wtf. sell your computer for food you dummy. how do you have internet then if your flat broke?

You probably have a bunch of sh*t you can sell if you really wanted food.

[Asker]

I'm flat broke for like 2 more days man.

[Opinion Owner]

Alright ill play along but if you wanted too, you could have went to a 24 hour pawn shop and sold some jewelry for money; thus food. I say you don't eat the coffee because you'll then p*ss out folgers lol

[Asker]

LOL Pissing Folgers.

But yeah a pawn shop wouldn't help me right now. In my city there is some stupid law that says that anything pawned needs to be held for 3 days before they pay me. Seeing as I get paid in 2, that's not going to help the situation.

[Opinion Owner]

Alright all bs aside. if you can't hold it any longer than just eat the coffee but I doubt you will get any nutrients of it anyways. I say wait till tomorrow and go to a church to get some free food.

[Asker]

You know I never thought of the church idea.