Double standard in weight loss?

[Alexeiv]

So I've been dating my girlfriend for almost a year, and I've told her several times that I will help her lose weight because:

1. It's healthy

2. I'm active myself ( run an hour a day+ other activity )

3. She will feel better about herself because she's wanted to lose weight

Now recently since we've both gotten our own places ( different cities, 2 hour drive ) and gotten more career oriented jobs, we're able to have a real solid schedule.

And I've been pressing some activities we can do on the weekends together.

She's become a little hostile in that she says " I want her to change ", but I think she's being a little lazy.

I asked her; " would you be okay with me if I had 50lb of fat on me? " to which she replied " honestly, no ".

And she's not fighting me too much on the issue, but it got me thinking, why is it that women ( in general ) seem to think it's bad manners and even selfish for a man to push his girlfriend to better herself physically and then it's okay to try and change a man's personality?

I never want my girlfriend to change who she is as a person, because that's what I love, but I do want her to be healthy because it's flat out better living.

P.S. She's 5"4 and 210lbs, when we met she was 200lbs. I want her to go down to 150lb which she was only 3 years ago.

[Olivia9]

Idk that's a hard one because personality is somewhat subjective "I Think you're lazy" is one thing because it's just that person whereas a scale doesn't lie so its more harsh and it makes the girl feel ugly you know, cause most of us think we are overweight whether we are or we aren't. Plus I can see how this is confusing to guys because a lot of girls say "Oh I look so fat" so a helpful guy will try to assist her in losing weight and solving the problem. When a lot of girls just want the "Oh honey you don't look fat" line that makes hem feel better and then it backfires when the guy tries to help. Also as for the double standards fat guys like skinny girls and skinny guys like skinny girls it seems and most girls say oh that guy is such a teddy bear about guys that are overweight and the loving name girls get called is cow. So I think that most girls are a lot more forgiving in that area than guys are. just my opinion.

But you are a good helpful boyfriend and she knows that, it might just be embarrassing for her so be delicate and don't pick on her if she wants to eat bad food or wants to be lazy. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. You've done your part and if she is truly serious she will come to you again for help but for now just let it be.

[Alexeiv]

I can't just sit back though. That's not what relationships are about. I also feel it's impacting my life negatively because this summer we spend 3-4 days together and I don't really exercise those days, or if I do I don't eat as healthy. I lost 15lbs this summer and that's not good for me since most of that was muscle.

[Olivia9]

Well I mean that's what I would want I am a girl, so I thought you wanted the female perspective. Can you try to eat healthier when you are with her? I mean at the end of day you can be the closest couple imaginable but it's her body her choice so you can't force her into being healthy. I know you care but the more you push the issue she is going to start resenting you and pushing back. So all you can do is be there in support no matter what. To me that's an ideal relationship.

[Shiner4]

While I understand you want 2 help your girl out and I tihnk its great you are trying to get her to do stuff with you to get active being called fat by your boyfriend can be very hurtful and make her more insecure which is only going to lead to stress and weight gain. I want a guy who loves me for who I am regardless of my flaws. I want him to truly believe that I'm beautifull. I have everyone else out there to point out my flaws and it'd be nice if he could just be there for me instead of joining in. As for being "lazy" weight loss is incredibly hard. I lost 45 lbs my freshman year of highscool (5 years ago) and most of it was gained back due to multiple sports injuries. I workout all the time and eat healthy but its a HUGE challenge. Tell her she's beautiful and maybe try the whole "We should both work to get healthier for our own future." Make it a flirty competition between the 2 of you and whoever loses the most weight over a period of time has to take the other out. If she does accept start out two weeks at a time than a month at a time. Its her decision though and if you really care about her you should accept that she's not ready

[AltTech]

That is truly a rough battle to wage, man. Most people in general are too lazy to try and lose weight, and a few of them are too scared of failure, so they never stick with it.

The fact she said she wouldn't be OK with you gaining 50lbs gives your request some serious validity. You might have to dig your heels in the sand and hold your ground on this one, which could get very very ugly and even break you guys up. But a double standard on this issue, could lead to many many more down the road if it isn't dealt with.

[Alexeiv]

Well I'm an active guy myself and she knows I love her for her personality. But I'm only so lenient because I see what she eats and how she exercises, and it's a negative on both fronts right now. Though certainly manageable. I just feel I can only help on the weekends and she goes back to her routine during the week.

[AltTech]

You gotta exercise with her every chance you can. Stay on top of it, and make healthy choices when you guys go to dinner. Or, if she's being very good about her diet during the week, you guys can make one of your dates on the weekend an indulgent dinner. I'm a big weight lifter, but I usually allow one to two cheat meals per week.

[Alexeiv]

Oh no kidding man, I like going to this one great place for about once a week just to get a little drunk and she loves it too. But she was giving me this excuse most of the summer when I said let's go rock climbing, etc and she says " I forgot my gym clothes ". Aaarg.

[ryanrhino]

She won't change if she doesn't want to, just like a guy won't truly change unless he wants to. She has other issues than just the weight issue.

Coming from an overweight guy, it's hard to get active. But, just like anything, once you start and it's interesting, it's easy to maintain.

[lothanks]

Holy crap, 200. (Imaging pacwoman)

I mean...yes, that is indeed a problem.

I would probably buy a carriage and well...she would be the horse...if she was that lazy.

It takes 3 months of exercise to even start loosing fat, there is a delay.

[Alexeiv]

1,500 calories a day and a solid hour of running or other cardio exercise would mean 10lbs after one month. She's done it, I've seen it, I just need to get her to get back on.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, the double standard is usually the other way around. It is usually the over weight guy who says he would not be OK with his girl being overweight.

I understand where you are coming from though because I am active and eat healthy like you and I don't want to date a couch potato either. I am fit and would like to date someone who is fit.